The universe is surely having a laugh there's been new men in my life that are interesting, that's ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 6, 2018:

Maybe lefty political events might do a little better at finding non-Christians who are compatible. Music events tend to attract more of a mainstream audience for both politics and religion. See my post today about meeting a woman thru a dating site and having religion end up a dealbreaker thru e-mails before we even met.

Dating on this site

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 5, 2018:

Not yet. Messaged and talked by phone a little bit with one. Messaged a bit with another and got ghosted. Then ran across a third who I had seen on Match. Sent her a message on her welcoming her here and expressing interest, but she rejected me with a lame ass lie about not dating non-drinkers ( even after I informed her that I was married 20 years to a social drinker with no issue there ) because past non-drinking men had been judgmental about her social drinking. So I took another look at her profile and saw it said she has let go of the past and tries to look to the future, etc. So lying is part of the game here too, just like on paid sites, at least with some people. My guess is her real reason was her being much better-looking than me.

So. Beside sex. What are your thoughts on maintaining a good healthy relationship?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 5, 2018:

Communicate, clean the home, make food, travel, laugh, and share affection.

Can we talk about communication and "ghosting" for a second?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 5, 2018:

Maybe I'm imagining things, but didn't some woman post a comment strongly disagreeing with Pepper's original post and saying Pepper's viewpoint seemed a little abusive? That comment seems to have vanished. Can someone tell me who it was from? I had to leave before I could read it all the way thru. If I find out who it was from, I can message them and get their viewpoint. I feel sort of in between Pepper and her critic because while no one owes someone else a response in online dating, there is a huge gap between great-looking folks like Pepper and average-looking folks like me and the woman who posted her criticism of Pepper's view. The former get barraged with messages and interest while average folks get a fraction of each. So neither group probably understands that well what the other group is going thru and feeling, which is sad. But I can see, as a member of the latter group, how being told by a member of the privilaged group, which Pepper is part of and the other poster is not, could feel hurtful to someone who is way less privaleged. In online or offline dating great looks provide a much greater amount of power and choices to those who have them compared to those who don't. I think Dieter made this point a while back and it's the same with life in general as having a lot of money vs. having little, money provides more choices if you have it. Even if you clearly know intellectually that no one owes you a response to your interest or e-mail on a dating site, and you also know and constantly get told, esp. by better-looking people that you just need to get a thicker skin, etc., it still can hurt in your heart to continually get ghosted or rejected.Same with being told by someone with way more privalege and power that you just need to suck it up or grow up when you know damn well in your head that those with privalege suffer far less rejection and have way more choices than you. Yes, they still suffer it from time to time, but it's way less frequent. I almost feel like I am discussing racism and the way most whites have no idea how much more privalege and choices they have compared to black folks. Anybody see the parallel or agree? I guess we could all use more and better empathy for others who are way above or below us in the looks marketplace. No one owes us an answer to the "why" of their choice to reject us, but it's easy to see why someone who experiences almost nothing else but that on a dating site would start to wonder why and wish they had some more insight into the why.

Question goes for men or women

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 4, 2018:

In a word, yes. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but we just were a good match and were together 22 years. But I was a lot younger then. Nowadays finding a 70 year old in good enough health who would give a younger man a chance would be a challenge the same as finding a 50 year old woman who would give me a chance. The vast majority of 50 year old women on Match are pure cougars based on their stated age ranges. They'll date men who are 35, but won't go above 53 for themselves. Like I said before, they must be assuming all men over 50 have ED, lol.

Anyone from the tri-state area, SD, IA, NE?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 4, 2018:

Iowa, been here all my life, for better or worse...

This isn't relationship related.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 3, 2018:

I had a job with a union for several years in the early 2000s. The union got us good contracts and benefits, but was no help in preventing favoritism, micromanaging and other bullshit, etc. on the job. Still glad I had one and proudly, gratefully paid my dues. Am now retired young and so damn glad that no employer or co-worker can ever fuck with me again in the job world. Plus, I never have to look for a job again and deal with the ghosting and mindfuck that are now standard practice by employers in the job market. Much better for one's mental health as long as I can keep busy enough.

Why am I getting some guys viewing my profile? Is there something I should know here??? LOL

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 3, 2018:

I could be a bit wrong and forgetful about this, but I think I have only viewed one guy's profile on here and it was today. I viewed it because he made a post that talked about his pluses and minuses as a single man. He concluded by saying he was "quite a catch" even tho he didn't have much money. I viewed his profile to see if I could find a decent photo of him, because my experience says that without great looks, no man with little money is usually seen as that good a "catch" by women. As to the other point, other men viewing my profile on this site, it seems to happen frequently and I suppose it's simply men reading my posts and comments, then being curious to learn more about my personality. Same reason women who are no where near my age might view me. On Match.com, I occasionally view a few male profiles simply because I want to know what some of the competition is doing in their profile pics and essays. I'm sure that other men probably do the same from time to time because no man on there has ever messaged me to complain or inquire about me viewing him since the reason for me viewing him is so obvious. And trust me, on Match there really is an element of competition. I saw one guy's profile that made me about gag. He seemed like some sleaze who probably works in sales or advertising because his whole profile essay was a long series of "don't you just hate it when they" examples of common profile essay cliches in which he would then go ahead and say something smug or bragging about himself on that point. A classic example of what an old salesman friend of mine used to say about how most women just eat it up when a man is good at using non-threatening humor to charm them. Except this guy was so transparent and smarmy about it. On Match, I have no doubt it works like a charm, but on here I think most of the women are way too smart and savvy to fall for it.

Just had a very interesting exchange on Meetup.

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 31, 2018:

He sounds dishonest and creepy. You did the right thing.

Do people actually find dates on here? A relationship would be nice. Even short term. ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 31, 2018:

I actually ran across two women on here who were around my age and had compatibility %s over 80, but neither one wanted to meet me. One traded a couple messages, then ghosted me. The other told me she wasn't interested and gave me a lame excuse that simply because I was a non-drinker (who was married to a social drinker for 20 years w/no problems) that she couldn't date me because other men were "too judgmental" about her drinking. BS, I think more likely my looks were not in her league and she didn't feel like saying it. My point is that even on this site, should you find other local atheists, it doesn't mean they won't play the same games or lie the way believers do on paid dating sites.

Did popularity ever matter to you throughout High School Years?

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 29, 2018:

Never gave a damn then and still don't now. Realized even back then that what mattered was the quality of friendships and having at least enough of them to give me the support and companionship that was lacking in my family. As an adult, it seems like what I really need is about a half dozen good friends offline and local to meet my needs and cope with life's knocks, not hundreds of FB friends or followers.

Just to bring everyone up to speed: [youtu.be]

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 29, 2018:

Maybe I'm just showing my age and my inability to compete with others in the online dating game (due to their having more looks and than me), but I watched the video and all it seems to amount to is how to use slang terms to trivialize and cutely name behavior that is selfish, impersonal, arrogant, and hurtful to others who have done nothing wrong or hurtful to others, but have only committed the sin of being interested in you. Everyone has feelings, maybe even sociopaths, so it would be nice if people would keep that in mind when choosing their response to someone's online interest in them and try to treat it more like they would a compliment given to their face offline, namely with some politeness, grace, or appreciation. even if the person giving it is not compatible, wealthy, or good-looking. If they've done nothing to hurt or insult you, why be harsh or cold? I have a hard time believing that all people dating online, except maybe the most attractive-looking, are so busy offline that they can't take the time to be kinder to those who contact them on the dating sites.

The intolerance of the left.

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 14, 2018:

I agree too, plus the fact that, at least in the US, it's the racists, the rich, and the other conservatives like gun nuts and anti-abortion folks who end up using violence and preaching the destruction of the poor and minorities. If anything the right is way more "intolerant" when it comes to hurting people, but I guess that's to be expected in a country that, as Malcom X once said, "respects violence (and power). In fact, I think it;s the only thing it respects". That man was such a prophet! Since his time, it's clear to me that the only time the left has actually accomplished anything has been when they decided to stop just playing nice in their activism. Sometimes I wonder if violence has a place and will be necessary to ever reverse the class war that's been going on one-sided since the 70s. Probably will happen once most of the jobs have been sent overseas or automated.

Meeting a woman

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 14, 2018:

I've long suspected that the dating sites tend to have more men on them than women, tho that ratio varies some with the age group involved. Were you talking about online dating, offline dating or the dating scene in general?

In honor of the month and in homage to Miss Borden I give you the Villisca Ax Murder House.

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 14, 2018:

I would like to be notified by Donna if any group events are organized for the Des Moines Iowa area. Thanks!

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 13, 2018:

PS- I would love for the women of this site, especially the ones in their 50s and 60s, to visit my profile and give me feedback on what they think of it. Thanks, Tom

Would you move for love?

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 13, 2018:

No, and the simple reason is that good friends are hard to come by in the first place, at any age, and at this point in life, when I am older and not working, I want to hang on to my longtime friends and not lose them by moving to be with some woman, who, may eventually die or split from the relationship with no warning. Plus, I've already moved plenty in my life and I'm sick of it.

I don't use online dating sites but for those who do... [m.top10bestdatingsites.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 13, 2018:

I've been on Match a year and only met 4 women in person. It's not that I'm that overly picky. It's that I'm childless and not family-oriented along with being average-looking, a non-drinker, hates country music (in Iowa that's a big thing), not into college sports,not into redneck stuff like Nascar or motorcycles, not into outdoorsy stuff like camping, and politically liberal. That last one is not the problem with most women, but it seems like even the liberal, hipster intellectual women won't give me a chance even when they don't have kids. Guess I just don't have the looks and money to compete with other men for that small, highly-desired group of childless women who are average-looking or better on Match because in one year not a single one of them have replied to my e-mails expressing an interest in them.

Do all men want babies?

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 13, 2018:

Speaking only for me, hell no. However from my experience on Match.com, it appears that either I'm a minority or most men are lying. I can't get anywhere with women who have kids and are family-oriented, even tho I make it clear in my profile that I'm willing to spend some family time with them after several dates, but not the majority of my time with the woman being family time. But what's really puzzling is that the minority of women on Match with no kids, will never reply to any of my e-mails expressing interest in them. My guess is that they reject me for guys who have better looks and more money. Or possibly they are looking for a guy with kids who will care for and comfort them when they are widowed and sickly.

Online dating is so awful that people are paying virtual dating assistants to impersonate them — ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2018:

Fascinating and creepy article. Well worth reading.

The last of my grown up children have flown the nest.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2017:

I hope you have more luck than me. I was widowed a year ago and with that I also became financially secure for the first time in my adult life. Unfortunately, even with being on Match.com, women don't seem to be attracted to that status or interested in giving me a chance. Probably because I'm not physically attractive enough nor mainstream enough in my personality and lifestyle. I don't think that my age is an obstacle for finding women to date, but you may find that since most men your age seem stuck on dating only women younger than themselves.

They say that married people live longer. I think it just seems that way.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 23, 2017:

I seem to recall research studies in the past in which at least them married men, if not also most of the women, seemed to live longer than their single counterparts. I am guessing that the cause for that is that women tend to be more nurturing in general than men and so the married men's health tended to benefit from that. I think most of the studies concluded that married life was equally stressful and beneficial for married women, so they didn't get as much of a longevity benefit as the men from marriage. These theories and trends seem to match my experience from my one marriage, which seemed to improve my own health until my wife became ill and then the stress of that began to affect my health. I don't want or feel the need to get married again at my current age with no kids, but I sure would like to find a committed relationship sometime in the next few years. I know that I am healthier and happier that way as long as it's not with someone that is wrong for me, which is always worse than being alone....

This site is more facebook for non-beleivers than a dating site.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2017:

I would agree, having been on two commercial dating sites so far, Our Time and Match. It seems to me so far that on this site the members are way more smart and savvy to scams and, therefore, would probably not be worth the effort of scammers who can find far more easy marks and bigger numbers of victims on the commercial dating sites.