Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

mikebeed comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I hear Caitlyn Jenner is available.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Ding, ding, ding, I think we have the winner here!

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

Charity comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Jesus, I can't say anything about the age preference. I tend to like my boys a little bit younger by eight to 10 years.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

That's actually pretty common these days, wouldn't even qualify you as a cougar in my book. More like 12-15 years younger.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

HippieChick58 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Are you by chance looking for a nurse with a purse? Seriously, I'm happy to have just passed your age cut off. One size does not fit all, and there is nothing worse than being in a relationship just to avoid being alone. Good luck to you.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@HippieChick58 Sounds like a bad deal for the woman, esp. since she's not going to come out rich like a golddigger. Where is the upside for the woman? What woman would sign up for that? Would have to be pretty desperate.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

HippieChick58 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Are you by chance looking for a nurse with a purse? Seriously, I'm happy to have just passed your age cut off. One size does not fit all, and there is nothing worse than being in a relationship just to avoid being alone. Good luck to you.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Is that a caretaker form of golddigger? Never heard that one before... I'm probably too limited in where I go online or I need to get out more. Probably both......

Arizona right-wing group sends armed man into church to yell at volunteers for helping migrants – ...

BufftonBeotch comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Would it not be perfect justice if they had shot the filthy P.O.S. dead using the defense of Stand Your Ground/Castle Law?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@BufftonBeotch True that....Since these assholes initiated it, would self-defense have held up?

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

You are 75 years old and look every minute of those years; in fact, in comparing you to my 72 year old sister, you look A LOT older than she does. (And I am not intending to be mean, but since you emphasize looks, you need to be aware of how you look to women.) Your "standards" are too high ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

As a former co-worker of mine said about another co-worker that we both despised, on his B-day cake event at the job, " He doesn't look a day over 100".

Arizona right-wing group sends armed man into church to yell at volunteers for helping migrants – ...

BufftonBeotch comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Would it not be perfect justice if they had shot the filthy P.O.S. dead using the defense of Stand Your Ground/Castle Law?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@BufftonBeotch Tell us how you really feel BB... just bein' ornery.........Remind me not to piss you off when you're packin'......

Arizona right-wing group sends armed man into church to yell at volunteers for helping migrants – ...

BufftonBeotch comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Would it not be perfect justice if they had shot the filthy P.O.S. dead using the defense of Stand Your Ground/Castle Law?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@BufftonBeotch Not at most UU churches I've been to. Like the Quakers, the UUs I've known are very non-violent and pacifist. I am a longtime UU, but rarely attend these days. The article doesn't specify what denomination, if any, that the church is part of. However, these days Unitarian churches as well as synagogues and other liberal churches, are no fools about who their enemies are and are putting in place defense and safety plans for active shooters and others who might invade their building, but stop short of having armed guards. Chickenshit bullies wouldn't have the guts to show up there if they knew the church had armed guards who, as you say, could use SYG laws on them.

Arizona right-wing group sends armed man into church to yell at volunteers for helping migrants – ...

BufftonBeotch comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Would it not be perfect justice if they had shot the filthy P.O.S. dead using the defense of Stand Your Ground/Castle Law?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Unfortunately, or lucky for the assholes, these type of churches are very pacifist and non-violent types, unlike some members of fundy churches or cults.

Arizona right-wing group sends armed man into church to yell at volunteers for helping migrants – ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

The guy should have been arrested for domestic terrorism. These guys as well as militant anti-abortion types are bullies and domestic terrorists, and should be treated as such, pure and simple. But they aren't because too many in our govt. share their views, so nothing happens to them and they just ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@BufftonBeotch Of course they are, that's why I fear them more than foreign terrorists.

After hearing horror tales from my daughters, friends, and women on here, I feel compelled to put ...

Fernapple comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Part of the human tragedy is that people, men and women both, are not attracted to people they like. People are attracted to damaged people because they seem either exciting and dangerous or needy, and strong self reliant people without issues seem boring and dull. Only when the first excitement ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Wildflower And the vast majority of those unhealthy people are unaware of their status and have not had a minute of therapy in their life because they are in denial about themselves.

I was married to a woman like that once .

Drsmash253 comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I love being single

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Well, it beats being with someone that's wrong for you, but having been with someone I loved and hoped to spend the rest of my life with before being widowed, speak for yourself.....

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@DevraisA1 My mistake. I confused you with someone else on this site that is a member of a UU church. I am referring to Unitarian or Unitarian Universalist Churches. In Cali I am sure there has to be one in your area. They are full of Agnostics and Atheists.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@DevraisA1 I would say you will have to rely on your activities, your UU church, paid dating sites, and maybe this site as well, in no particular order of effectiveness. At least you have more avenues for meeting someone than I do. I have Match and maybe the UU church, if I go back there.

[youtube.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Too bad in my experience on Match, few women apply her method. They use the site like it's shopping on Amazon. My zero dates-coffee meetings in my term, did go ok because by then I had probably already screened out the kind of women that would use them as job interviews rather than real, honest ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Lucy_Fehr Thanks for sharing and it all makes complete sense to me, even tho I don't have the same experiences for the most part. Class experiences, both social and economic, are huge in shaping our identities, our outlook on others both in our class as well as those outside it. And in relationships like marriage, money is power for the person who has or makes more of it. In fact, as my late wife said, marriage is in some ways a business relationship. And being with a partner who kept making an issue of it, esp. in a hurtful or demeaning way, is really shitty. I would not put up with that shit and in my current efforts to date, I pay close attention to what signals a woman is sending in her profile about how much money she has or makes, not that I need any of their money, but also what they are expecting or not from me financially and what their class level seems to be as well as their attitude towards class. I will not be looked down on in a future relationship by a class snob who has more money than me or grew up rich, nor will I be supporting someone who can't pay their own way to meet their expenses or travel with me.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@DevraisA1 Moving to a different site is not going to help, it's mostly the same people or at least the same kind no matter what paid site you go to.

My 2 year goal.

Soarfeet comments on Jan 7, 2019:

With a glance at the responses you’ve received, Apparently that beast is quite the chick-magnet ? lol

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

Wait a sec... I'm totally at a loss. My whole life I thought that red sports cars were chick magnets that came with a midlife crisis! My belief system is once again shook to its core!

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@DevraisA1 It not only takes courage to date online as well as determination, but the biggest challenge is to handle all the rejection, lying and games without either getting too emotionally beaten down and discouraged or worse, getting so callous to avoid feeling those ways that you give up your humanity/empathy and start acting like an asshole yourself to other people on Match. Unfortunately, it seems like most people cope with the shit of the dating sites by going the latter way.

Whats it like having not settled down with a family by the time you are 30?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Didn't get married until I was 41, never had kids. Guess I never gave a damn about conforming or pleasing people who didn't know me. But to be honest, I wanted to be married earlier than that, just never had any luck with the traditional, conservative women of Iowa. None of them would have me for a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@Jolanta Thanks for validating that. That issue is undoubtedly my biggest roadblock to finding a partner on Match because I live in an area where so many women are very traditional and conservative, at least on this issue. Even the ones who identify as Agnostic or not religious. The women on this site seem way more independent and secure, as you say, about that stuff. Probably because they are the only non-believers in their family and have always marched to their own drummer, so they don't cling to their family like all the farmer's daughter types around me. Just like when I was younger and getting rejected by all the women wanting kids or with kids, I can only be honest with myself and them about what I want. Which is someone who wants a couples relationship where most of our time together is spent doing stuff just the two of us, instead of me being more of an escort for the woman visiting her family with me. I honestly think that for a lot of the women in my area, they sort of use the family time and connection stuff as sort of a shield against getting too involved with a new man because they are afraid of getting hurt or disappointed with the relationship. I have a theory about the family-oriented women on Match in my area and I'd like to hear the opinions of members on this, esp. women. It goes like this. The vast majority of women in my area say something in their profile essay like " Family is first, I love my kids and grandkids, etc." I just skip those women, but even those that don't self-identify like that seem to make family time and connections a big issue. Even the ones that don't have kids. My theory is that many, if not most women, in my area, seem to cope with becoming divorced or widowed by retreating into their family and grandkids for comfort and support while they are licking their wounds and recovering from their loss or crisis. That is totally understandable and healthy. The problem or issue is that even years later, they seem to be hanging onto their kids and grandkids as sort of a shield or security blanket even after they shouldn't need it that much because they are afraid of emotionally investing themselves in a new relationship with a man. So they protect themselves and hedge themselves emotionally by making a big deal about spending time with family over the new man and wanting to spend most of their time with him around family so things don't move too fast or get too intense with him emotionally because they are afraid of getting hurt or disappointed with the new relationship. Sound about right? When even the women without kids subscribe to this attitude, it leaves me pretty well screwed in finding a partner who is ready to spend most of their time as a couple without the family around.

[youtube.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Too bad in my experience on Match, few women apply her method. They use the site like it's shopping on Amazon. My zero dates-coffee meetings in my term, did go ok because by then I had probably already screened out the kind of women that would use them as job interviews rather than real, honest ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 7, 2019:

@hippydog Good question there.. In my experience on Match, the vast majority of women at least in my age group, are looking to trade up by dating a guy who makes at least 15 K more than them. I have no idea what income preferences most of the guys have on there.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@A2Jennifer Trust me tho, this guy has a lot of company among other men his age on Match as well among the cougar women on that site who are not that much younger than him. With both genders, if you have the looks and/or money, depending on the gender, you can always find much younger people to date. Quality of the relationship is a whole other thing........but probably not on their mind.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@A2Jennifer That sucks, but there's no point in having more or saying you are agreeable to that when you aren't. I've never wanted kids or had them, but it seems to me those men your age who want kids are being pretty damn selfish to require that when they are knocking on 40. Why didn't they have them earlier or marry someone who already had them? I assume you date within several years younger or older than you. I feel your pain. You get passed by with the educated, financially stable men with decent looks your age because they want kids and seek younger women. I can't get anyone under 55-only five years younger than me-to be interested in me because all they want is sex and casual relationships so they play cougar because they assume all guys over 55 have ED. I'm not joking about that... What a world....Some people are just such assholes. There's a guy on Match who lives in my area that I've seen his profile. He's my age, an architect, bald like me, about the same looks. I check out the competition once in a while. His dating age range is one year younger than him at the top end and 42-18 years younger-on the low end. What an entitled pig, but you know, he has the big bucks and high status job, so he'll probably find a good-looking much younger woman. No wonder he's divorced.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@A2Jennifer Mine wasn't that bad as yours so far. Out of the five I met, one was a platonic friend for a while. Another was a nice woman that I turned out to have little in common with and no physical attraction on my part. Another was same thing, little in common and the reverse on attraction, she had none for me. One had a lot in common with me, but not quite enough and not quite enough physical attraction, mutually agreed to stop after two meetings. Last one, seemed to have a lot in common, DK about physical attraction, met her one time, seemed to go great. She blew me off for two weeks, then messaged me with no explanation why the delay after I had e-mailed that night and said I wanted to see her again. That ended when I replied to her message and said I deserved an explanation and she said she didn't want to stay in touch. Yup, lots of disappointment, little in person contact, never saw any of them more than three times except the first platonic friend. Too many games and too much rejection, but I have really no alternative but to hang in there, give up, or go back to the Unitarian church and put up with seeing the phony balonies and hypocrites that make up too many of the members there. Edited to add: Honestly, Jennifer, I'm surprised you didn't actually meet any men from the site. I hear men on Match are very aggressive in reaching out to women who are average-looking or above. Having viewed your profile pics, you would seem to easily fall into that class or league more than me. I have talked to a few other guys and my experience is pretty common on paid sites for average-looking men, as the vast majority of women ignore us and focus on the top 20% best looking guys on the site. I'm almost twice your age, maybe the younger guys are more shallow and demanding on looks.

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Everybody needs a dream....

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Enjoy your optimism. May you live long and prosper. Yeah, I know I'm stealing here. I'm done here Larry.....

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Once again, longevity doesn't matter that much to me past a point. I don't want to live past the point that my health or quality of life becomes poor, with or without a partner. Don't care about being the last ones around, because, frankly this country and probably most of the world, are going to be pretty shitty places to live in say 15 years. So why be so excited about living another 30 years? I hope I'm wrong, but I see little evidence to convince me otherwise.

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist I don't care that much about longevity. I care more about quality, which for me would be having a compatible partner who was Agnostic/Atheist, a fellow hipster, and someone who would enjoy music and travelling with me for as long as both of us had the good health to do so.

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Your comment is kind of confusing. Maybe you can clarify it a bit. I'll be satisfied if I live another 15 years. Who knows after that?

Elizabeth Warren: 'No To The Billionaires' Funding Politics | Rachel Maddow | MSNBC - YouTube

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Much as she would be an improvement as a nominee for the Dems or as a president than Hillary, I am skeptical about whether she can be trusted by progressives if she actually got power. Largely because she had her chance last time when she could have supported Bernie during the primaries, when it ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@snytiger6 In my observation, at least with politicians, it's exactly the opposite of you. Once they begin compromising and selling out, it just gets easier and easier to cross that line.

Whats it like having not settled down with a family by the time you are 30?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Didn't get married until I was 41, never had kids. Guess I never gave a damn about conforming or pleasing people who didn't know me. But to be honest, I wanted to be married earlier than that, just never had any luck with the traditional, conservative women of Iowa. None of them would have me for a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@Jolanta It's kind of puzzling even at this age. At this stage, I will date women 50-68 yo, and yes, I will gladly date women with kids as long as the kids are grown and out of the home, which, for almost all the women in that age range, is the case. But here is where it gets weird. Realistically, the women at the bottom of my age range (50-55) still won't reply to me or date me for two reasons it seems. One, the vast majority of them indicate on their profiles that they won't date more than a few years over their age but they will date as much as 12-15 years younger than them, pure cougars, just interested in sex, or just don't like older men at all, who knows? Secondly, I say in my profile essay, quite honestly, that I am not family-oriented, which means I don't want to spend most of my time with a woman visiting her kids and grandkids with her. The vast majority of women in my area my age say in their profiles that they are very family-oriented and I avoid those women while instead reaching out to the ones who don't say that and have kids as well as ones who don't have kids. The five women I have met in person while on Match for 15 months were all age 63-67 and not family-oriented, all a few to several years older than me. Their kids were all grown and they were independent women who were done playing mommy and interested in meeting a man to do couple things with. It's going to be a long, tough search for me because in my area most women grew up in the Midwest where family is everything to most women even if they are politically liberal and agnostic. I have discussed my situation with a lot of people and the concensous seems to be that women without kids who are in my age group are highly desired by men my age and that those women are quite aware that they are a highly prized minority on dating sites. Thus, they know they can do better than me on looks and money, so hence the lack of interest. Another reason may be that women without kids are looking ahead for when they get old and sick, so they prefer a man with kids, figuring his kids will comfort and look after the woman should she end up widowed.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I wish members on this site would always specify if they are referring to online activity on this site or some other site. Don't know which this guy is talking about.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

@TheGreatShadow I guess I still don't get or see the point in what you're trying to do. I'm wondering a bit if what you're up to is going to be seen by some of the women as playing games with them. Not a wise thing to do on this site as it will catch up to you and they will let you know about it. If you are here for dating as it seems you are, that's not the way you want to establish yourself here.

If necessary to testify in court would you put your hand on the bible?

MichaelSpinler comments on Jan 19, 2018:

i do, because i live in the bible belt, and if my ass is on the line, i dont need any bias towards me or my case. that being said, when i do jury duty, i refuse. its not required by law. as an atheist in the buybull belt, you must pick your battles. christians are two faced and will use it ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 6, 2019:

Yup, I hate that phony, two-faced politeness with a smile. In Iowa, they call it " Iowa Nice". I call it phony, enforced politeness that is all fake bullshit. I refuse to participate in it and now that I'm retired, I don't need to play their game to get a job, so I confront the shit out it whenever I run across it just because I enjoy messing with these phonies, pissing them off, and making them squirm. But I even used to do it a lot even before I retired, just picked my battles, as you say.

Whether be believe in a women choice or right over her own body, the republicans and their wealthy ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Call me a hopeless cynic, but even tho I am very aware and supportive of PP and abortion rights groups, I seriously doubt the Repubs will ever get Roe V Wade overturned because even tho they have had the votes on the Supreme Court to do it for a long time, they know it would kill the Repub party ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 5, 2019:

@Redheadedgammy I understand that, but I've been watching politics a long time and the Repubs are very ruthless and calculating when it comes to keeping power. They would never risk it. Also remember that the Bible-thumpers in the Repub party do not hold the power in that crowd, the rich and the corporatists do. The Bible-thumpers are just being used in that party. Same way the unions and minorities get used by the Dems. Lots of lip service, but no real change provided to improve their lot. Think how much money and volunteers unions have provided to the Dems and yet the Dems have never even passed laws that would allow a union to be voted in with card check.

Whether be believe in a women choice or right over her own body, the republicans and their wealthy ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Call me a hopeless cynic, but even tho I am very aware and supportive of PP and abortion rights groups, I seriously doubt the Repubs will ever get Roe V Wade overturned because even tho they have had the votes on the Supreme Court to do it for a long time, they know it would kill the Repub party ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 5, 2019:

@Redheadedgammy Don't be concerned on this issue. Those two will do what the party tells them to do.

Why do men get so mad when they get rejected?

MrControversy comments on Mar 20, 2018:

Imagine if every single person you ask out rejects you. Every. Single. Person. Imagine that you've tried every single thing you can do to win someone's affection but it never works. Imagine living until you're old and gray and you still haven't found anyone. It's no excuse to lash out (and I don't ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

He has a point. I don't lash out at a woman when she rejects me online, but I would say 95% of my messages reaching out to someone on Match get no reply or a rejection message. The volume is overwhelming, as he says, and it does feel like an emotional pounding over time. Esp. if some of that message rejection is followed up by being stood up for two meetings and being ghosted a few times.

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

Sgt_Spanky comments on Jan 3, 2019:

The vast majority of the women here are just too far away to make meeting an option so I keep my expectations realistic and make the connections I can online. If it were do-able, there's at least a half dozen women here I'd ask out for a drink to meet and chat with in person. Just not all at ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

Same here. And maybe a couple might take me up on it.

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Jan 3, 2019:

I have had only two no-shows on the first meeting--after the first, I learned to tell the "iffy" ones that I would be a certain place at a certain time and if he wanted to stop by, that would be fine. One guy drove a couple of hours to see me and when he was scheduled to come again, never showed ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@Gwendolyn2018 It's understandable for someone to be defensive, resentful or even bitter towards the opposite sex because of what other people of that gender have done to them, but I still feel that is often used as a self-serving excuse and it still does not make it right. People should really try to own and deal with their shit before mistreating innocent other people who have done nothing to that person except maybe be interested in getting to know them and dating them. As I begin and continue to interact with a woman from a dating site, I try to focus on what they are actually saying and doing and respond to that individual, basing my feelings on what they actually say and do. And if someone cannot do that and deal with each new person as an individual, maybe they shouldn't be on a dating site or trying to date at all. If I had the power to make the rules, all prospective members of dating sites would be required to provide proof of having received recent therapy before they were accepted as members. :sigh:

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 3, 2019:

The vast majority of people are found to be operating at a moral level of conformity or just doing whatever won't get them in trouble. I used to be fascinated by this subject, which was best researched by Lawrence Kolhberg quite a while ago using different hypo ?s like this. His research, like ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@nicknotes Probably.

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

sweetcharlotte comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Agnostic.com is the first site I have ever been to where I typed with strangers on a Private Messenger System. You may think everyone knows the ropes of this, but you are very wrong. Wish I had known whats in this article, before I started writing people. Also wish I had a dictionary to understand...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@Lucy_Fehr Yeah, it is a form of bait and switch since it does no good to have them on there if communication between them and you is not allowed both ways.

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Jan 3, 2019:

I have had only two no-shows on the first meeting--after the first, I learned to tell the "iffy" ones that I would be a certain place at a certain time and if he wanted to stop by, that would be fine. One guy drove a couple of hours to see me and when he was scheduled to come again, never showed ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

That is sad that none of them want you as you are. I admire that you are very honest with men about who you are and what you want. That is the best any of us can do and I wish more women had your honesty and lack of interest in playing games. Wish more men did too because I am tired of being punished by women in the dating world for other men's shit. Whatever happened to them long before they ended up on Match in the last year, I had nothing to do with as I was with my late wife since '95.

What You Need to Know About the Nice Girl Who’s Unbelievably Tough – Mind Activist

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Sounds like the unicorn of women, esp. if she's good-looking. Because people with great looks often don't get hurt as much as the rest of us and thus also don't develop as much depth of character or empathy.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@Veteran229 You are so right about that, and it's one reason I see little hope for the future of our society. Relationships, even friendships and people in general are increasingly seen as totally disposable and it sickens and disgusts me. "And instantly know how to care", shit, most of these kids don't even know how to have a real face to face conversation without wondering what's going on with their phone....

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

Stepmomofdragons comments on Jan 3, 2019:

This is why I'm not into monogamous relationships. I'm not property to be told who I can express my feelings to and who I can't. When we can get past proprietary thinking in relationships, stuff like this question doesn't need to be asked.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@Stepmomofdragons Can't speak for Kafir, but I get your point about poly arrangements not being as casual as I assumed. I admit that I have little knowledge of poly arrangements.

Well I'm scrolling around and figure this is a good place to express myself about feeling bad about ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Thanks for sharing. I read your profile and you have led an interesting life. As far as friends, it really does become a couples world socially at our age, when we no longer meet people thru work or school. I totally hear you about loneliness. Friends are hard to make. I'm lucky I met a male married...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@K9Kohle789 I know from friends that having dogs can limit your freedom to be away. Sounds like it's a Catch-22 between neglecting your dogs, who are a real source of companionship and friendship, and being able to spend the time away to find human friends or a partner. Wish I could be more helpful.

??????????

SkotlandSkye comments on Jan 3, 2019:

oh, that's awful. Why do people do that to each other?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

Some people value living with integrity and some don't.

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

sweetcharlotte comments on Jan 3, 2019:

No. It is not worth hurting the person who doesn't know. Better to break up with one before making love with another. As @Pralina1 states, I also would rather have a truthful great relationship with the one man I already have, than go behind his back for a meaningless fling.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

As some guy said recently on another thread, you need to stick with the choices you've made and not continue shopping later....

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

UUNJ comments on Jan 3, 2019:

I would not at this point in time, but if I had a life partner who developed dementia and was unable to consent to sex or to comprehend an open relationship....

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

My late wife had dementia and, while I did not and would not choose to seek another partner in that scenario, I totally would understand and not judge someone who did make that kind of choice. That situation is very different than the hypo here. Thank you for bringing that up Melanie.

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

DenoPenno comments on Jan 3, 2019:

This makes no sense to me. It happens but makes no sense. I'm on another site where people chat and want to meet but never meet. One person finally got brave enough to give me the name of her town. What's that about. People talk but will not even meet you in public on neutral ground. Maybe you ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

I got stood up by a woman from Match about a month and a half ago, but fortunately the meeting was only a half hour away. But no way am I going to try dating someone who lives more than 50 miles away, and part of that is that I'm afraid of exactly the BS you experienced. Too many people are selfish, gutless or both. Also, I'm with you on texting. I won't do that on a phone. When I do that on here with PMs or on Match with e-mails, I prefer to write in paragraphs and actually converse. I guess we're out of touch old farts, lol!

Why do your contacts not want to meet you in real life? Good article ! [sashacagen.com]

sweetcharlotte comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Agnostic.com is the first site I have ever been to where I typed with strangers on a Private Messenger System. You may think everyone knows the ropes of this, but you are very wrong. Wish I had known whats in this article, before I started writing people. Also wish I had a dictionary to understand...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

My intent, when I joined this site over a year ago, was to meet women to date from my local area and enjoy community on this site. Having been here that long and found almost no women to date from my local area and having been rejected by the few I did try messaging, I have ended up becoming pen pals with a few women from the site that live far away. I assure you that most men on this site would prefer to be actually meeting women in person and dating, as would I if the numbers in my area would allow this to actually be a viable option. Until then, enjoying the discussion boards, being a pen pal of a few women, and using Match for my only real chance of finding someone to date are what I am doing. I have no interest in dating someone hours away from me. Ok, now I read the article. Nothing I hadn't already noticed on Match, namely that lots of people on there are not that interested in actually meeting and dating, but just enjoy stroking their egos with how much attention they can get from others. But, at least in my experience, the women on Match do not want to waste their time on trading messages for more than a few exchanges before meeting in person, probably because they get approached by so many guys if they are average-looking or above. It's also likely that lots of women on this site are settling for being pen pals of men on here when they would like to be actually meeting and dating men from this site, but are in the same boat as me. Being an Agnostic.com pen pal is not a bad thing because it allows someone to share experiences, get feedback from the opposite sex about the dating game, and get some validation of what one does have to offer the opposite sex without the constant rejection and dishonesty that go with online dating for the average person, esp. men.. With both people knowing that eventually meeting and dating is off the table and not going to happen, there is mutual benefit and room for honesty and friendship that are never going to happen on places like Match, where it's all about getting something for yourself only and trying to avoid wasting time on someone who isn't exactly what you want. And with the emotional beatdown that online dating on the paid sites can be, I know that it's helpful for me to get some honesty, support, and appreciation from women as a friend to balance out what I receive from most on Match. When over 95% of those you reach out to don't reply, it's nice to chat with someone that regularly replies to your PMs. I don't know if some women on Match get free memberships, but for me at $120 for six months, it seems pretty expensive for something to use only as an exercise in amusement, entertainment, and ego stroking, but some folks are that way I guess. Would just as soon spend the money on Netflix.

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

Stepmomofdragons comments on Jan 3, 2019:

This is why I'm not into monogamous relationships. I'm not property to be told who I can express my feelings to and who I can't. When we can get past proprietary thinking in relationships, stuff like this question doesn't need to be asked.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@Kafir Your sentiment is beautiful. I know it sounds corny and old-fashioned, but for me the way I've always been wired, love and sex are too wrapped up together to be that casual about it. I know many other people are different that way and that's fine with me. The point is being honest about what you want and what you are willing to give. I don't see that as being someone's property, it's about a brave partnership.

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

Beowulfsfriend comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Post a poll. I wouldn't. That's me. Reason - Why, if you love someone.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

Great idea. People might be more honest... or not. This post hypothetical is really a question about whether each of us has a conscience or values integrity, or not. The scenario is just a way to get at that.

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

John_Tyrrell comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Guaranteed not to get caught? Until you said that I was all for it. But once you offer impossible guarantees? No way. This is a set-up isn't it? There's a dozen hidden cameras in the motel room, right? My wife's hired a P.I. to pay you to do this hasn't she?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

@John_Tyrrell Never happened with me and never will. Of course I have the advantages of not being terribly attractive and not being interested in cheating.

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

SLBushway comments on Jan 3, 2019:

*No - because if your side partner lives under the same arrangement - your coupling could expose your significant other - who you've now down graded to less than that - to a bunch of STD's and other shit that she quite likely wasn't prepared to deal with.*

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

Good point, but I'm assuming nick includes using protection as part of not getting caught so that would mean no STDs being passed on to your partner.

Watch who you say Hello to.

hippydog comments on Jan 3, 2019:

I wouldnt say awful , but ya.. i actually assumed at one point we people were progressing.. becoming more enlightened.. and i mistakenly assumed it was the majority of us.. turns out they were just pretending to be politically correct.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 3, 2019:

Exactly! We only thought we were becoming a more enlightened, tolerant country and then Trump made it acceptable to be openly bigoted, sexist and hateful. I really wasn't that surprised because one, I'm a born pessimist and two, I was already aware how most people seemed to hate PC.

What You Need to Know About the Nice Girl Who’s Unbelievably Tough – Mind Activist

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Sounds like the unicorn of women, esp. if she's good-looking. Because people with great looks often don't get hurt as much as the rest of us and thus also don't develop as much depth of character or empathy.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@Capricorn Most men and women are not that way, but the problem for most of us is that in order to get the personality we want, we usually have to give or bend a little in the looks dept. to get someone good-hearted and right for us. That's a lesson I am still grappling with, even tho I am not looking for more than what most men would rate as a 7 for looks. Just being honest....Am willing to date someone whose looks are less than that too tho and I'm increasingly sure that's how it's going to work out. Man, I am probably going to get bashed like Davethecave for being this open and honest, but maybe that's why I kind of like his comments. Truth is not always pretty.....

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

AmiSue comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Damn, that site has some very hot gentlemen in their ads :( This is the only dating site I’m on. Gave eHarmony a shot a few years back and it was hilarious how bad the ‘matches’ were.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@AmiSue There's more risk for a woman than a man. I'm a big boy, I can look out for and take care of myself, at least from real harm. Hurt feelings and disappointment, well, that's another matter and we all have risk there.

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

AmiSue comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Damn, that site has some very hot gentlemen in their ads :( This is the only dating site I’m on. Gave eHarmony a shot a few years back and it was hilarious how bad the ‘matches’ were.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@AmiSue That's because EHarmony is too rigid and arbitrary in their questionaire classifications on things like education.

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

AmiSue comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Damn, that site has some very hot gentlemen in their ads :( This is the only dating site I’m on. Gave eHarmony a shot a few years back and it was hilarious how bad the ‘matches’ were.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@AmiSue I have always felt that a college degree would not be necessary for someone to be compatible with me. Just that they be smart, intellectually curious, and have read a lot of great stuff or self-educated, like you. There aren't that many folks who do that and I imagine most of them are women rather than men. You wouldn't match well with men that stopped at high school or even a two year degree in most cases. At the same time tho, I've met plenty of men and women who quit reading anything intellectual on their own once they finished a 4 year degree. Spent the rest of their life reading mysteries or romance novels, sci fi, whatever. Some folks just have a love of learning and some don't.

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

AmiSue comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Damn, that site has some very hot gentlemen in their ads :( This is the only dating site I’m on. Gave eHarmony a shot a few years back and it was hilarious how bad the ‘matches’ were.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@DotB Glad I never tried that site. I have no intention of ever getting married again, so I haven't tried it. I don't want to meet marriage-minded women, just ones that want to date, maybe get exclusive if it works and is mutually desired, maybe live together. But at my age with no kids, marriage is not really necessary or important.

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

AmiSue comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Damn, that site has some very hot gentlemen in their ads :( This is the only dating site I’m on. Gave eHarmony a shot a few years back and it was hilarious how bad the ‘matches’ were.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@AmiSue That's a new one on me, what's an autodidact?

What You Need to Know About the Nice Girl Who’s Unbelievably Tough – Mind Activist

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Sounds like the unicorn of women, esp. if she's good-looking. Because people with great looks often don't get hurt as much as the rest of us and thus also don't develop as much depth of character or empathy.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@Capricorn It sucks that being a good human being hasn't paid off for you like it should, but it's their loss. Too bad most with great looks use them to be shitty to others, but they will as long as there's no cost to them or payback. As I see it, esp. in the dating world, great looks carry with them a certain amount of privilege in the world, just like lots of money also does. Just like being white or male does in some ways. I think you get it.

What You Need to Know About the Nice Girl Who’s Unbelievably Tough – Mind Activist

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Sounds like the unicorn of women, esp. if she's good-looking. Because people with great looks often don't get hurt as much as the rest of us and thus also don't develop as much depth of character or empathy.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@Capricorn I have no doubt you are self aware and empathetic, nor do I doubt you have been treated badly by men. I base my comments on my own experience regarding great-looking people and what they are like. Found one really nice woman and one really nice man in my 60 years. The rest were vain, shallow, insensitive, selfish, narcissistic jerks. Why? Because their looks allowed them to get away with never changing. I'm just saying that in my experience, the beautiful are very rarely nice, generous, empathetic people.

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

inthecloset comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Just wire him your savings and I'm sure he'll be right there for you

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

Well, you're partly right, he'll be right there to collect the money, lol!

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

AmiSue comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Damn, that site has some very hot gentlemen in their ads :( This is the only dating site I’m on. Gave eHarmony a shot a few years back and it was hilarious how bad the ‘matches’ were.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

And yet, E-Harmony has the reputation for having the best matches because of their long questionaire process and seeming to attract people who are more serious than most about finding actual partners for marriage or long-term relationships.

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

I was on OT for six months. It was worse than Match because there were not only way more scammers, but the site didn't seem to even try to get rid of them or watch for them. I may have to switch tho from Match to OT in the next couple years tho because it's starting to look like I'm getting too old ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@DotB Well, you're four years younger than me, that helps, but I've had zero luck on this site and the future on this site for me looks pretty bleak in that regard. Have enjoyed meeting some cool people on the boards. On Match I meet about one new woman in person every three months, so that's not producing much either.

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

I was on OT for six months. It was worse than Match because there were not only way more scammers, but the site didn't seem to even try to get rid of them or watch for them. I may have to switch tho from Match to OT in the next couple years tho because it's starting to look like I'm getting too old ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@DotB A little TMI, but I'm glad you got away from him. No abuse is worth hanging on for.

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

I was on OT for six months. It was worse than Match because there were not only way more scammers, but the site didn't seem to even try to get rid of them or watch for them. I may have to switch tho from Match to OT in the next couple years tho because it's starting to look like I'm getting too old ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@DotB I think your conclusion is correct. They assume that all men from 55 on up have ED, so they just avoid that whole age range AND I think they are also just more interested in chasing sex thru dating than actually having a real or mature relationship. That's what I have also been told by several people who I've asked about that. They feel many women in that age group have raised their kids, got divorced, and now want to play around like the men their age that have midlife "crisis" do. It's equal opportunity these days.

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

I was on OT for six months. It was worse than Match because there were not only way more scammers, but the site didn't seem to even try to get rid of them or watch for them. I may have to switch tho from Match to OT in the next couple years tho because it's starting to look like I'm getting too old ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@DotB My late wife as 16 years older than me. I guess I'm more serious than most men and women my age, hopefully more mature as well. But I don't understand why women in their early or mid-fifties from my area mostly seem to prefer the cougar route of younger men to dating someone my age. Thanks for the compliment Dot. When my late wife and I met, I thought she looked much younger than she was, then found out her age months later, didn't care by then as she was in very good health overall at that time.

So you wouldn't mind meeting a guy but you only get to choose them online from pix.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 1, 2019:

With paid dating sites, we all choose based on a combo of looks and profile, but I suspect that with many people, esp. attractive-looking women, that if the person's main photo isn't attractive enough, the profile never gets viewed. I base that on my own experience as well as what others have shared...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 2, 2019:

@GreenAtheist I doubt people on paid sites are that deep thinking and discriminating enough to bother screening people out based on that, but believe what you like. How do you really know why someone rejects you on a site, unless they volunteer it or you ask? Even then, they often lie about the reason if they feel it makes them look bad or shallow. So most of the time, we have no idea.

Just curious what everyone is doing on a Monday night New Years Eve.

confidentrealm comments on Dec 31, 2018:

Last New Years Eve was not good but didn't suck so much as New Years day when my love died. This year I'm alone.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 1, 2019:

@confidentrealm You may have misunderstood me. I don't have cancer, neither did my late wife. She had dementia for several years before dying two years ago. I miss her and really enjoyed being married. Am not enjoying being widowed after getting married relatively late. Your attitude is wise.

I Tried to be Normal Once -The Worst 2 Minutes of My Life.

Petter comments on Jan 1, 2019:

It's because we're not "normal" in the majority sense of the word that we're on this site.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 1, 2019:

You make a good point. The people on this site are all eccentric, anti-authority, intellectual, and non-believers. Some of us fit into more than one of these groups. Those things by themselves make us non-normal for our societies. That's why we're here.

Just curious what everyone is doing on a Monday night New Years Eve.

TheAstroChuck comments on Jan 1, 2019:

mistymoon77 you've not yet given us your answers to your questions. Are you doing something extra special?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 1, 2019:

Good point.

Just curious what everyone is doing on a Monday night New Years Eve.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

Find someone compatible and physically attractive to date, even if it doesn't end up long term, tho I hope it would. Not holding my breath. What am I doing? I'm watching a Twilight Zone marathon on TV and feeling bummed that for a lot of years until a few years ago, my late wife and I would spend ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 1, 2019:

@GreenAtheist Those were not the cause of her dementia. Hers, like that of most people, was genetically inherited, in her case from her mother and grandmother. She never took a statin in her life. Unless caused by a stroke or head injury, most dementia is a family disease, including Alzheimer's. The only way to prevent it is not having kids. Fortunately, she never had any.

This complete psychological analysis reveals 14 key traits explaining Trump’s die-hard supporters ...

LiterateHiker comments on Jan 1, 2019:

Racism, greed and deliberate ignorance. Sad.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 1, 2019:

@alliwant There you have it....

Just curious what everyone is doing on a Monday night New Years Eve.

confidentrealm comments on Dec 31, 2018:

Last New Years Eve was not good but didn't suck so much as New Years day when my love died. This year I'm alone.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jan 1, 2019:

I can relate and I'm so sorry you're widowed and fighting cancer. I hope your health improves somehow. Suffering just sucks and has no purpose when you know this life is it. I'm so sick of it happening to good people, including you and me, when so many rich evil folks just live on blissfully.

Advice for the ladies. ?

Alvinsmama comments on Dec 31, 2018:

When a man messages me and we start chatting on whatever forum, the thing that pisses me off the most is his not answering a question I have. It might be as benign as asking how his day was. No answers and coming back with questions he expects me to answer will get his message deleted and/or him ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

You're right, when someone does that it is a matter of attitude and ego, as in he is treating you as less important than him and being very blatant about it. I would drop them too if they played that.

Hi everyone! I’m in a dilemma and hoping that I can get some feedback.

Mokvon comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Cause he is shy. Cause he us ugly. Cause you are out of his league. Cause right now your relationship is perfect and to meet would change the dynamics. For better or worse. Cause he is still working on the box under his bed to put you in.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

@inthecloset Sawzall, going to Google to look that up.

Advice for the ladies. ?

Carin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

I'd also want one who uses capital letters & isn't too lazy to spell out "you."

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

I think the phone texting just makes people lazy after a while and so they carry it into e-mails and quit using capitals, punctuation, and fully spelling words. Which for me makes it confusing and irritating.

No date tonight but I am having a delightful time on here and on the telephone.

HippieChick58 comments on Dec 31, 2018:

Sounds like a party!! I am not abusing anything because I have an interview coming up, and am hoping for a job with this organization. And if that happens I know I will be tested. That is one test there are no do-overs on. So I am being very, very boring and safe.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

@HippieChick58 Sounds like you are being wise. BTW, I'm watching a Twilight Zone marathon on TV. Just another lonely geek....

No date tonight but I am having a delightful time on here and on the telephone.

HippieChick58 comments on Dec 31, 2018:

Sounds like a party!! I am not abusing anything because I have an interview coming up, and am hoping for a job with this organization. And if that happens I know I will be tested. That is one test there are no do-overs on. So I am being very, very boring and safe.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

A lot of employers are very quietly loosening up on drug testing, esp. for pot, because they are realizing it's costing them good hires. They just aren't going to publicize it. The govt. is doing the same thing.

Advice for the ladies. ?

blumandolin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

If you really want to talk you get on the phone and avoid all the lag time !

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

Here, here, but the thing is most women won't do that until they are satisfied they have learned enough from messages to do a phone talk. Thing is, if they are afraid of you getting their phone number they can always call you and block the number from being identified.

Advice for the ladies. ?

UpsideDownAgain comments on Dec 30, 2018:

A friend posted on facebook saying that if you text men multiple questions, they only respond to one. I've been trying and so far, it seems to be true. I won't hold it against you men, though.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

If I'm communicating thru e-mails, I read them carefully and will answer every question. As far as texts with phones, I won't do that. It's too rapid and impersonal as well as prone to misunderstanding and not suited for deep or meaningful communication.

Just how important is it to you - if you are in the dating world - that potential suitors have the ...

Wangobango3 comments on Dec 30, 2018:

If two people have strongly felt opposing beliefs, someone will have to compromise.I doubt I could be with a religious person.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

@Rustee Some are, some aren't. It depends on how fundy they are in their beliefs, no matter what denomination of Christianity they are. Of course, some denominations, like Baptist or Pentacostal are pretty much by definition not very tolerant or liberal. Most Jews are actually very tolerant of other's beliefs or lack of.

And it's all true.

242Foxtrot comments on Dec 31, 2018:

How marvelous you look today, Mrs. Cleaver!

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

As William H. Macy's character said in Pleasantville ( a great satire of the 50s), "Honey, I'm home. Where's my dinner?".

Elizabeth Warren anounces presidential run

Marine comments on Dec 31, 2018:

She is to far left to get elected as is Bernie.I would like to see Bloomberg as president as I think he has the right experience,money and common sense to take on the idiot.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

You are wrong. Bloomberg is a kinder, gentler version of a Repub.

Hi everyone! I’m in a dilemma and hoping that I can get some feedback.

Mokvon comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Cause he is shy. Cause he us ugly. Cause you are out of his league. Cause right now your relationship is perfect and to meet would change the dynamics. For better or worse. Cause he is still working on the box under his bed to put you in.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

@Mokvon Me thinks he's watched Silence Of The Lambs too many times....

I have decided to block all "believers" just to save myself time and headaches.

CaroleKay comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Here's one...https://agnostic.com/member/SharedSexuality

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

Oh my! I used to be an athletic competitive swimmer when I was young, but I always thought about age 30 was the cutoff point for men wearing Speedo swimsuits appropriately. This guy's about 40 years past the expiration date, besides all the other tackiness in his profile.

I almost finished my first Christian movie called "Left Behind".

Sgt_Spanky comments on Dec 31, 2018:

Nic Cage says yes to anyone who offers him a paycheck. He stopped caring about making quality long ago.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

He has company. I love the parody trailer of Die Hard (about 5 min. long) on the website Honesttrailers.com In the trailer it says, "Starring Bruce Willis, back when he still cared...".

Hi everyone! I’m in a dilemma and hoping that I can get some feedback.

nvrnuff comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Could be a quirk, could be a red flag, how long have you been conversing?

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

@Simplysassy Tell us what kind of photos you've seen of him. That would help us a lot. Also I assume he's seen some pics of you, right?

Hi everyone! I’m in a dilemma and hoping that I can get some feedback.

NaturalBornCynic comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Instead of speculating why this is happening... Why not just be upfront and ask him? If the answer he provides is not acceptable to you, then move on. Open, honest communication is a must if any relationship is to survive.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

Ding , ding, ding. We have the winner. I always respect those who cut to the chase and ask upfront what they want to know. You also have a great username.

Hi everyone! I’m in a dilemma and hoping that I can get some feedback.

Mokvon comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Cause he is shy. Cause he us ugly. Cause you are out of his league. Cause right now your relationship is perfect and to meet would change the dynamics. For better or worse. Cause he is still working on the box under his bed to put you in.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

box under the bed... oh, you are a sick one, but I like your twisted humor.....

Just how important is it to you - if you are in the dating world - that potential suitors have the ...

Julie808 comments on Dec 30, 2018:

When I was dating, I found that a lot of men listed their religion as "Christian" but hadn't really thought about religion in decades, it's just the religion they grew up with. Therefore, upon realizing I'm staunchly non-religious, they would admit they are not religious either. My thought is ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 31, 2018:

Those men are simply taking the most convenient path and playing the %s in their profiles by listing themselves as Christian, which maybe tells you some other things about them. Like, for one thing, they haven't really looked at themselves much, and two, they are being somewhat deceptive with women on the site by labeling themselves somewhat falsely to attract the largest group of potential women.

Just now, listening to some awesome music, I realized that after losing my brother and my wife of 35...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

What are you listening to? Just curious..

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@tnorman1236 Ah, a fellow alt rock fan and hipster.

Hi everyone! I’m in a dilemma and hoping that I can get some feedback.

vnufall comments on Dec 30, 2018:

There are a lot of people that seem to want to take their time talking before meeting. It doesn't work for me. Talk a little, meet for coffee...if you cant meet in person, forget it. I get suspicious of these folks..what are they hiding??

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@freeofgod Most men our age, at least the ones worth dating, understand that most women who are divorced or widowed were with someone a long time before being single and have been out of the dating game a long time. We do not expect those women to be smooth, charming or confident about talking to us. We just want them to be themselves, honest, kind, interested and most of all, open, not dishonest or too guarded. But I can see the reluctance they have about dating.

Advice for the ladies. ?

WarmFluffy comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Agreed. Others are mystery boxes or sometimes groomers.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

Could you explain your terms?

Advice for the ladies. ?

Sticks48 comments on Dec 30, 2018:

That one REALLY goes both ways. I had not used social media to carry on conversations until l joined this site ten months ago. What a horrible way to converse with people. I have had plenty of questions go unanswered. Then there are the horribly disjointed conversations. I don't type that fast, so ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@Sticks48 I've only talked to one woman on the phone from a dating site and it was someone from Match. We traded a few messages and then she made it clear she wanted a screening phone call before she would meet in person. I told her I was fine with that and we talked for an hour and a half, then met two times after that. I would rather have the pressure of a phone interview in that case than many exchanges of e-mails thru Match.

Advice for the ladies. ?

Seeker3CO comments on Dec 30, 2018:

That goes for anyone. Women are just as horrible at responding to all portions of an email or text as men. One question per send needs to be the rule. One fact, one cenral need per text.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

I think I agree with you about how to avoid misunderstandings. One ? or central idea per message?

Advice for the ladies. ?

Sticks48 comments on Dec 30, 2018:

That one REALLY goes both ways. I had not used social media to carry on conversations until l joined this site ten months ago. What a horrible way to converse with people. I have had plenty of questions go unanswered. Then there are the horribly disjointed conversations. I don't type that fast, so ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

Damn right. Which is why I'm relieved to get to either a phone call or an in-person meeting with a woman as soon as it happens. So much less chance of misunderstanding.

Advice for the ladies. ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Goes both ways. I find it really irritating when I am trading messages with a woman on a dating site and they always reply in very short, text style messages with very brief sentences when I make it obvious I would like them to open up at least a bit more. Plus, they will ignore or fail to respond ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@Wangobango3 I take pride in always having been able to express myself well in writing, usually better than in speaking. I would not want a partner who saw conversation or communicating as a chore or who was controlling about communication.

Advice for the ladies. ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Goes both ways. I find it really irritating when I am trading messages with a woman on a dating site and they always reply in very short, text style messages with very brief sentences when I make it obvious I would like them to open up at least a bit more. Plus, they will ignore or fail to respond ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@HippieChick58 It is not gender-based, I think it is a combination of how closed and guarded you want to be in communicating as well as generational. Younger people have shorter attention spans and also prefer to do all or most of their communication in phone text style-very short sentences, don't care about spelling or word choice much. All about rapid exchange and frequency of exchange. I detest that style of communication and have never learned to text.

Advice for the ladies. ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Goes both ways. I find it really irritating when I am trading messages with a woman on a dating site and they always reply in very short, text style messages with very brief sentences when I make it obvious I would like them to open up at least a bit more. Plus, they will ignore or fail to respond ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 30, 2018:

@HippieChick58 Thank you, that's the way I see it. The other person may be just trying to control the interaction by being vague, mysterious, and showing that they will be as guarded as they like, while you are obligated to be open and honest, etc. And what's an even bigger crock is when a woman plays this type of messaging game with a profile that spouts the usual cliches about how she values open, honest communication, etc. Now before I hear someone defend that practice as " she only means she values or does that AFTER she starts dating someone", well then, isn't behaving different than that in messaging showing sort of a bad faith, hypocritical tack to take as well as being selfish?