People with the healthiest personality types have these three qualities

Seeker3CO comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Always holding up some ideal, something to become, leaves so many feeling like this is a never ending struggle to achieve what the latest study says will make you happy, desirable, healthy... the ONE. Instead, why not truly embrace who we are? Accept that person as good and then bolstering our ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

I think the Indigo Girls addressed this whole "perfecting the self" crap in Closer To Fine.

If I have the intention of dating, should I reveal that I am unemployed, have learning difficulties ...

genessa comments on Dec 19, 2018:

you just did! to tell you the truth, if i were dating, i wouldn't look at people's profiles unless i liked what they said on subjects other than dating, on the community side of this site. once i got to know and like someone that way and we began to message, i would be less put off (if put off ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

@genessa Maybe, went back and looked at his original post, seemed kind of ambiguous. Doesn't matter to me now, done here.

Why Having a Crush Is Good for You – LOVE/HATE – Medium

TristanNuvo comments on Dec 19, 2018:

I've had many over the years, and hope to for many years to come. But the biggest crush I've ever had was Isabella Rossellini. It wasn't just her looks, but she has that light Italian accent which I love. I had many of fantasies and dreams about here back in the day.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

" She wore bluuuueee velvet..."

If I have the intention of dating, should I reveal that I am unemployed, have learning difficulties ...

genessa comments on Dec 19, 2018:

you just did! to tell you the truth, if i were dating, i wouldn't look at people's profiles unless i liked what they said on subjects other than dating, on the community side of this site. once i got to know and like someone that way and we began to message, i would be less put off (if put off ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

He seems to be talking about paid dating sites, not here. Different approaches for different sites.

THE INSANITY OF WOMEN IN "ON-LINE" "DATING.

Eric_in_bham comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Yes it is, in person, this is why online dating sucks so bad, you can't look them in the eyes and convey any sincerity we are all just fuck boys on a website cause there's a percentage present who are disrespectful and now somehow if you can't come up with an essay you're not original or worth ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

@Marcie1974 I get about your amount of messages per week in one month of my time, and I write a hell of a lot more messages than you write. I like to think I'm not that worse looking than you either. I write exactly the kind of messages you are suggesting after carefully reading all of the woman's profile. Some of them don't even read my profile, such as sending me a Like or a message when they are a conservative. What a fucking joke.

THE INSANITY OF WOMEN IN "ON-LINE" "DATING.

maturin1919 comments on Dec 19, 2018:

When you get as many 'hellos' as the average woman on a dating app you'll start responding only to the ones that stand out too. It's a simple numbers game.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

It's a problem I'd rather have than feeling like sending messages is a waste of time no matter how well I do them,

THE INSANITY OF WOMEN IN "ON-LINE" "DATING.

jondspen comments on Dec 19, 2018:

I agree. I understand women get a lot of messages, but like I said elsewhere, I use to spend 20-30 on an initial response, just to be ignored. I now give a very generic message "Hi, nice pics and profile. How are you doing?". After all, I have a well wrote out profile and current pics, so while ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 20, 2018:

@jondspen We'll see how slammed we get for making gender generalizations. Doncha think that many times the women with profile essays saying no games, no drama are maybe doing a little projection there?

A discussion on a thread tonite has got me curious about the music tastes of the community here.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

So far country is the next to last place genre, just about what I expected. No surprise there's not a NASCAR group on here either. When I was preparing to set up the categories for the poll, I noticed that while there were several groups for music lovers, each with different genres, there was not ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@Seeker3CO II'll keep my eyes open to see if you start an NBA group here.

THE INSANITY OF WOMEN IN "ON-LINE" "DATING.

jondspen comments on Dec 19, 2018:

I agree. I understand women get a lot of messages, but like I said elsewhere, I use to spend 20-30 on an initial response, just to be ignored. I now give a very generic message "Hi, nice pics and profile. How are you doing?". After all, I have a well wrote out profile and current pics, so while ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@jondspen Tell me about it. Most of the profile essays include what turn out to be hypocritical statements about: No liars, game players, etc. as well as all the other platitudes about wanting a man who is seeking more than physical beauty, etc. but usually leaving the woman a hedge about how "having chemistry" or "a spark" is also important to them. Let's be real, looks in a profile pic are just as important to women as they are to men. And the photo next to your message is 95% more important in the end as to whether your message gets read than what you write, so don't spend much time or grief on it. Most women will see the pic and just throw it in the reject pile if you don't cut it, so you will end up on the sidelines no matter what is in your profile with those women. All about classes of looks at that point.

THE INSANITY OF WOMEN IN "ON-LINE" "DATING.

jondspen comments on Dec 19, 2018:

I agree. I understand women get a lot of messages, but like I said elsewhere, I use to spend 20-30 on an initial response, just to be ignored. I now give a very generic message "Hi, nice pics and profile. How are you doing?". After all, I have a well wrote out profile and current pics, so while ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

My initial message to a woman is also pretty generic, like yours. Maybe the only diff is that I make sure to mention something individual I noticed about her profile essay, something in her interests or about one of her pictures that is unusual. The point is to let her know that I actually did read her whole profile and was intrigued by something. The rest of the message is the usual blurbs about mentioning some of our common interests, asking her to see my profile and message me if interested. But my cynical hunch, after sending out so many messages like this and getting responses to only about 2-3%, is that what you write in the message really doesn't matter much. When a woman is getting dozens of messages a week to maybe a hundred from different guys, your message will never even get read if your main profile pic doesn't look good enough. I know this because most of the women who didn't reply also didn't even bother to view my profile. So the initial view of your main pic by the woman really is almost everything, like it or not, when they are screening out so many all the time. So, write a short message that shows some notice of their profile and individual info, but don't sweat it much. If you don't have the looks or impressive pic, it won't matter much.

So here is my rant I recently met a guy I liked as a friend on facebook.

BufftonBeotch comments on Dec 19, 2018:

RUN! He is very sexually repressed and even if married it would probably be only missionary position, in the dark, under the covers as fully still pajamaed as possible. Oh, and only during your fertile times.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@BufftonBeotch I'd recommend one year of living together before marriage. It worked for me and my wife and you learn a lot, esp. if at least one of you has never done that before.

The Birth of the New American Aristocracy - The Atlantic

nicknotes comments on Dec 19, 2018:

The Trump tax cuts certainly made the elite richer and the middle class will pay.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@tnorman1236 Resenting "elites" of all kinds, except the rich of course, works very well for the Repubs with poor white folks. And why shouldn't it? Because ever since the 90s the Dems have just kept pushing multiculturalism and identity politics instead of any progressive economic policies. So poor whites look at the Dems and say to themselves, "All they care about is helping improve the rights and status of gays, immigrants, feminists, and racial minorities, but nothing for me. Those groups will probably end up with more than me and I also hate how those liberal elite folks think they're better than me because they went to a fancy college and pretend to know more about how things should be when it was all handed to them". Amazing what a blind spot these same people have about the conservative rich folks, who also have everything handed to them in most cases.

I got myself in a situation.

Marcie1974 comments on Dec 19, 2018:

I had a really great date with a guy and thought it went really well. He later told me he had a really good time and felt he could talk to me forever, but he just didn't feel a spark. I was disappointed but understood. Sometimes it's just not there. For me, saying he didn't feel a spark, while ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@Cabsmom That is also my attitude. I'm sure there are exceptions with others in how it works for them, but with me if I've already met someone in person two or three times at most and I don't feel a physical attraction, I'm not going to waste my time or theirs. Esp. if it's someone I met from a dating site. We don't join them to make platonic friends and it's not fair to waste your time or theirs continuing to see someone when what you both really want is a partner and eventually a sexual relationship. Make platonic friends offline if you must and be very clear about boundaries, knowing that those may have to end once one of you meets someone special and gets serious with them. BTW, I get kind of annoyed with the whole use of the term "sparks" regarding attraction. To me it sounds kind of like a cutesy, polite euphanism, mainly used by women, who just don't like being blunt and honest about the fact that most of us have certain physical types we are attracted to and that physical or sexual attraction sounds too crass, coarse or vulgar. But I think we're all talking about the same thing, despite the semantics. Sorry, had to have my crabby rant of the day for this X-mas season, lol.

Have you ever ghosted anyone?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Should have allowed for multiple votes to get more accurate results. Some of us have never ghosted anyone, but have been ghosted ourselves. You didn't allow for that.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@Shelton Just tried it. Only allowed one option.

A discussion on a thread tonite has got me curious about the music tastes of the community here.

MrChange comments on Dec 19, 2018:

You missed quite a bit of other categories. I will say I love all types of music. It depends how I feel. I'm not into today's country but older country music was good. I literally like all genres but so few people were born in a music world to be open to all music. Music is often instilled in ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

I couldn't help commenting on your reference to intelligence and music tastes. I agree they are not related in any significant way. Music taste is shaped more by culture. People on this site pretty much seem to be intellectuals. Rural areas in the US, at least, do not seem that friendly, welcoming, attractive, or intellectually stimulating to intellectuals, tho I'm sure there are exceptions, including some intellectuals who would rather live in rural areas to enjoy the quiet, privacy, and/or nature. But my theory is that most intellectuals would prefer to live in areas where country music is not the dominant taste or center of the culture. Same reasons people here are not into NASCAR.

A discussion on a thread tonite has got me curious about the music tastes of the community here.

242Foxtrot comments on Dec 19, 2018:

I would have selected "Americana" had that been an option - perhaps it's folded into Alt-Folk. Maybe.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

Those two styles are considered the same thing. As I said, only 8 options are allowed in polls.

A discussion on a thread tonite has got me curious about the music tastes of the community here.

MrChange comments on Dec 19, 2018:

You missed quite a bit of other categories. I will say I love all types of music. It depends how I feel. I'm not into today's country but older country music was good. I literally like all genres but so few people were born in a music world to be open to all music. Music is often instilled in ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

People are mostly products of their environment with music. I see it all the time here in Iowa. I can pretty well predict that if someone grew up in a rural area where country music was about all there was to listen to on the radio (besides maybe an oldies rock station with country-friendly stuff like Elvis, Buddy Holly and The Beatles) or go hear live, then that's about all they'll listen to or like as an adult. But if they left their hometown and went away to college afterwords, esp. one in a more urban or sophisticated/progressive area (with a college radio station), I can pretty well bet that country is no longer their favorite type of music, if they even continue to listen to it at all. In my state, they often say in regards to music, there's people who really like country, and then there's those who went to college. In Iowa, only about 25% have college degrees. Of course, the gateway to liking other music than country doesn't have to be attending college, but it usually is. If a young person moves away for a job or to enter the military in an urban area where they are exposed to other music, the experience and environment may have the same effect in shaping their tastes. It's just that the college move is much more common. I've heard that most people's taste in music is usually set by age 35 and that after that they keep listening to the same genres the rest of their life, but of course there are exceptions. My late wife continued to explore new types of music and artists even when well into her 60s. She liked Bruno Mars and Adele. among others.

Do you have any "deal breakers" in potential partners?

Kafirah comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Religious Smoker Drug user (not including weed, but including addicted to prescription drugs/opiods) Doesn't like cats Transphobic/homophobic Racist Angry Withdrawn Thief Can't hold a conversation Boring Bad with money Whiny Has more than 3 kids Has more than 3 baby daddies Married ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@Kafir Well then, we both may be alone a long time, lol. Seriously, I hope not.

Do you have any "deal breakers" in potential partners?

Kafirah comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Religious Smoker Drug user (not including weed, but including addicted to prescription drugs/opiods) Doesn't like cats Transphobic/homophobic Racist Angry Withdrawn Thief Can't hold a conversation Boring Bad with money Whiny Has more than 3 kids Has more than 3 baby daddies Married ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

I thought my list was too exclusionary or picky, but I get the feeling you're being at least a bit tongue-in-cheek.

Do you have any "deal breakers" in potential partners?

Lilith comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Well yes, smoking tobacco is one, devoutly religious is another, smelly is the top of the list, then there are beards, and dirty fingernails and married, political Conservative, television junkie, sports fanatic blah blah..ohmy, I just realized why I am single!

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

I think your list is very reasonable.

Do you have any "deal breakers" in potential partners?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 18, 2018:

I've got mine right here in my bio on this site. Don't list them on Match because that crowd is allergic to anything negative being said in a profile. My dealbreakers are, besides someone being religious, obviously: Someone who likes country music. A regular smoker. An alcoholic or workaholic. ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@Lilith Probably right, but I hope not. My late wife was compatible with me on all these issues.

Do you have any "deal breakers" in potential partners?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 18, 2018:

I've got mine right here in my bio on this site. Don't list them on Match because that crowd is allergic to anything negative being said in a profile. My dealbreakers are, besides someone being religious, obviously: Someone who likes country music. A regular smoker. An alcoholic or workaholic. ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@brainyactress Whatever..I guess we're done BA. We'll see if anyone else weighs in, but I'm done.

What is “dating” today and what should it be?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Unless you try dating someone from this site, nobody here is ever going to know who you're talking about if you do bash them on here, unless you name them by username. From what I read on here, very few people on this site ever find anyone from here to date. So I don't see all the reason for concern...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@SukiSue Neither would I. It would be gratuitously hurtful, even if they wronged me offline, plus, I would guess that the admins would probably take action against anyone who named a member for wronging them outside the site. If that's the case, we will probably be hearing about it on here from the admins. Better to keep grudges off the discussion boards and in PMs or off the site.

Do you have any "deal breakers" in potential partners?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 18, 2018:

I've got mine right here in my bio on this site. Don't list them on Match because that crowd is allergic to anything negative being said in a profile. My dealbreakers are, besides someone being religious, obviously: Someone who likes country music. A regular smoker. An alcoholic or workaholic. ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@brainyactress I totally get what you are saying, but I still bet I'm correct or accurate about what most US members of this site think on this. I can tell you that on the west coast or in New England, country is just not that popular. Same with Unitarian churches, which is where many atheists and agnostics hang out. They do not use country music or play it at their churches as far as I've heard, but they'll have everything else genre-wise. As far as a SO, I'm fine with them liking anything else, whether I share that or not, just don't want to be around that genre. Like you, I love several other types of music besides alt rock, which is my fav. Country is like the antithesis of alt-rock. They are each liked by people who are sort of tribal enemies in the culture wars of the US. One one side is mainly rural folks and rednecks. On the other side are urban folks and hipsters, guess which one I identify with? You live in the South, which, for country music, is kind of like living in the buckle of the Bible Belt. I'm not surprised that you would be so supportive of it.

I need to get out of town. Step away from the chaos for a bit.

jondspen comments on Dec 18, 2018:

You should try living in a van down by the river

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

Sometimes these days I feel I'm only a step or two away from that, lol. I like your style, man.

Do you have any "deal breakers" in potential partners?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 18, 2018:

I've got mine right here in my bio on this site. Don't list them on Match because that crowd is allergic to anything negative being said in a profile. My dealbreakers are, besides someone being religious, obviously: Someone who likes country music. A regular smoker. An alcoholic or workaholic. ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 19, 2018:

@brainyactress Sorry, but I must be brutally honest. I have always hated country music for a lot of reasons, which I won't go into here. But I'll bet there are actually quite a lot of folks on this site that agree with me about that but are too polite to say so. One reason I hate it is that it is so anti-intellectual, and let's face it, Atheists and Agnostics are pretty much intellectuals of one kind or other. If I dated someone I would not be able to stand going to hear country music with them, listen to it in a car with them, or at home with them. So, you see how it would be a dealbreaker? I'll bet some others who are not from the South, West, or Midwest would agree.

What is “dating” today and what should it be?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Unless you try dating someone from this site, nobody here is ever going to know who you're talking about if you do bash them on here, unless you name them by username. From what I read on here, very few people on this site ever find anyone from here to date. So I don't see all the reason for concern...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 18, 2018:

@SukiSue No one's going to know or care unless it's someone from here and you name them. Which would upset them because it would affect their rep and also maybe hurt their chances with dating other members here.

Sometimes how I feel but then again ,..........

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 18, 2018:

I won't settle for a "clearance price" partner as far as quality, but I do wonder how far away I am from being seen as clearance level by the women on Match in my area. Lots of them in the same boat as me it seems, profiles that have been on there just as long as me that occaisionally come by and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 18, 2018:

@Transition1 Well, even tho my experience on Match has been pretty poor, I haven't and probably won't drop my membership because I have no real opportunities offline to meet anyone compatible for dating. Don't want to go back to the Unitarian church yet, already tried and checked out the local Meetup groups, etc., for offline places to meet women. It's just not there at this time offline for me. Plus, when I look at the member rosters of the Meetup groups, it looks like all the women there my age are already on Match. It's the same damn people in each case. My best option is probably waiting until this site picks up a critical mass of women my age in my local area, which may be at least a couple more years.

When they ask “What’s your sign?” (Please ignore the source of the pic)

Mokvon comments on Dec 17, 2018:

I always say "feces"!

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 17, 2018:

That was Steve Martin's old joke.

I'm in a strange position.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2018:

I bet you are talking about either a Unitarian or United Church of Christ church. And yes, most mainline Protestant churches are dying out. The denominations that are growing seem to be Catholic and evangelical, at least in the US.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 17, 2018:

@shayne69 Both true. With the Catholics, I was referring to all the immigrant members they are getting.

American "Exceptionalism".

IamNobody comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Always find this postings very amusing.... About a year later of alleged statement, there are angry mobs walking from afar demanding entry ( not asking, I clearly and unequivocally have said DEMANDING ) entry to this "worst living standards" beautiful country of us. The posting makes me laugh.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 17, 2018:

Maybe those demanding entry into the US are not only ignorant of these facts about the US, they are also so poor and desperate they are willing to gamble on here being better than where they came from.

[aikenstandard.

Elganned comments on Dec 17, 2018:

I really don't know. The Sunday Assembly has made an attempt, but I'm not sure how successful they've been. This is a problem that thinking atheists have recognized and yet not resolved for some time: We are a social species, and benefit from periodic gatherings like "going to church". Yet, as ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 17, 2018:

Unitarian churches are hangouts for Humanists, Atheists, and Agnostics. Most of the hymns are old Christian songs adapted with humanist lyrics.

Why is it I see that the most common complaint from men in dating is that us women go for the "bad" ...

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Dec 16, 2018:

When I used to post in forums on a well known dating site, the lament of the Nice Guy was a common complaint. The issue, as (of course) I pointed out to them, is that being a nice guy isn't enough to attract or hold the attention of women, nor is being a nice woman enough to attract and hold the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 17, 2018:

@Gwendolyn2018 Thank you for stating the ugly truth.Like you say, there are classes or leagues of people at different levels in the dating world. Sometimes their class is based on looks and/or money, sometimes on personality and lifestyle, sometimes based on all of the above. I think you covered it all really well. You should have a blog on this site.

Why is it I see that the most common complaint from men in dating is that us women go for the "bad" ...

Jolanta comments on Dec 16, 2018:

I have friends like that too. They bitch on about each other to kingdom come. When I talk to them about leaving, suddenly the other person "is not so bad" or they have been "good" lately. I despair.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 17, 2018:

@MrChange I have no doubt that is the biggest reason.

Why is it I see that the most common complaint from men in dating is that us women go for the "bad" ...

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Dec 16, 2018:

When I used to post in forums on a well known dating site, the lament of the Nice Guy was a common complaint. The issue, as (of course) I pointed out to them, is that being a nice guy isn't enough to attract or hold the attention of women, nor is being a nice woman enough to attract and hold the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 17, 2018:

@Gwendolyn2018 I think your theories are totally right. As another thread recently said with a video clip from comedian Louis CK, when it comes to sex, dating and mating, everyone seems to be wanting to at least trade up one class in looks and/or money or at worst stay within their same class for those traits. So when everyone is pursuing those a class above them, it leaves a lot of folks in their same class waiting alone on the sidelines for those people to settle for someone in their class after they have tired of chasing their "trade up " partners and are ready to date someone in their class. Those in classes of looks and money even lower on the totem pole will, of course, rarely get a chance to date someone from a higher class. I don't care how sexist it may sound, looks and money are still big issues (in the ways you mention) with both genders in who they desire, in many cases way more than personality, no matter how much people may say personality matters to them. We choose friends based on personality and common interests. We choose dating partners more on sexual attraction than anything else, at least most of us do, until that is not enough to stay with them. Which may explain why some prefer hookups or FWB to actual dating.

Bwahahahahaha!

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 16, 2018:

That is so sick and funny!

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

@ProudMary I always say, if the humor or joke isn't sick, how can it be funny? (At least to me, that is).

How long should you go without sex before giving up?

LadyAlyxandrea comments on Aug 28, 2018:

I've gone 7 years without it and am perfectly fine. Idk why men treat it like life or death. Why is sex THAT important to people?

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

@LadyAlyxandrea Not trying to be critical, but it's not as optional as cheeseburgers. You appear to be way younger than me, but let's just say that for many, if not most people of a certain age who don't have a partner or close family nearby, even hugs and physical affection tend to end up being very limited outside of sex. Ask most widows or widowers who are elderly. The fact is for many older single people sex is often the only way they might get any physical affection on a regular basis from another person. Outside of a massage therapist I can't think of many non-prostitution situations where single older adults at least are going to get much regular affection or hugs unless it's from relatives or very close friends. Cheeseburgers are not vital to good health. Regular hugs and physical affection from others is. Am I right, UUNJ?

Guns: Give them to everyone as a government program.

kiramea comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Hell NO; unless you want to bring in a real Purge scenario.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

I have sort of a guilty, morbid fascination with the whole Purge movie franchise because when you look really hard at American culture and politics, it's not that far from present reality. The only difference is the blunt honesty of the conservative ruling party in the films about how they see the poor and minorities vs. the spin of the Repubs. That and the way that violence is more openly approved of and glorified in the Purge movies by the govt. and media vs. the way it already pretty well is in the media and govt. of our present reality.

Healthcare: Give it to everyone as a government program.

sfvpool comments on Dec 15, 2018:

That would be a violation of my rights. It would be paid for with tax dollars -- stolen from me and every other tax payer.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

@sfvpool Ah, a true Trumper, fake news, etc. Zinn's book is all facts, carefully researched, footnoted and documented. You are a fool and a troll. bye..

People who use "busy" to feign being important.

TDSkully comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Indeed. My little brother is always talking about how he’s a workaholic and is never idle; however, we were business partners at one time, and I know he’s not constantly hooked up as he skillfully makes it appear. He uses the “I’m just so busy” excuse, or cites not having time for a lot of...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

@TDSkully Sounds like the bullshit of Calvinism to me, which is a disgusting strain of Christianity not only because it over-glorifies work, but it also exalts greed as good and the wealthy as automatically more virtuous and worthy of respect and admiration because God made them wealthy, etc. What rubbish, as the Brits say.

Healthcare: Give it to everyone as a government program.

sfvpool comments on Dec 15, 2018:

That would be a violation of my rights. It would be paid for with tax dollars -- stolen from me and every other tax payer.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

@sfvpool, @A2Jennifer, @hippydog I would totally support that and I'll go you one better. At times I wish the South would secede again from the US and this time, let them go! Our politics would suddenly improve immensely!

Healthcare: Give it to everyone as a government program.

sfvpool comments on Dec 15, 2018:

That would be a violation of my rights. It would be paid for with tax dollars -- stolen from me and every other tax payer.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

@sfvpool, @A2Jennifer That's how it was for much of American history until the late 1800s. Only the children of the rich got any formal education.

Healthcare: Give it to everyone as a government program.

sfvpool comments on Dec 15, 2018:

That would be a violation of my rights. It would be paid for with tax dollars -- stolen from me and every other tax payer.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

@sfvpool "Protecting individual rights: Police, the military and the courts". That says it all, except you've got it wrong about those protecting individual rights. At least in America, those institutions have always been completely about protecting the rich and their property and their money and their power. You should read some Howard Zinn.

Healthcare: Give it to everyone as a government program.

sfvpool comments on Dec 15, 2018:

That would be a violation of my rights. It would be paid for with tax dollars -- stolen from me and every other tax payer.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

@sfvpool You are clearly a Libertarian, a political philosophy that I hate. Partly because that group's values say that taxes are wrong and amount to stealing from citizens. As someone once said, taxes are the cost of having a civilized society, which is something I value having or trying to have. But it seems to me that Libs like you would rather we go back to some kind of feudalism, where a few people own everything and the rest barely scrape by as serfs, or robber-baron capitalism, which we aren't that far from returning to, because you want to have all the rights and freedoms under the sun, but don't want to share any of your money or stuff with others. Sounds like a very immature, selfish philosophy and that's why I hate it. Fortunately, society as a whole is a little more grown up than that. If you think not sharing is someday going to pay off and get the rich to let you into their club or economic class, you are wrong, as George Carlin used to say. They ain't going to let you in and those that aspire to it will always be wannabees.

Healthcare: Give it to everyone as a government program.

sfvpool comments on Dec 15, 2018:

That would be a violation of my rights. It would be paid for with tax dollars -- stolen from me and every other tax payer.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

@sfvpool In the old days, before the Great Depression in the US, all charity and anti-poverty programs were thru churches and were modeled on the British system of the "deserving and undeserving poor" being screened and then helped, if found deserving, by the churches. I can only imagine how humiliating and cruel this system was. Then the Depression happened and the vast majority of Americans were desperately poor, so the old system was no longer feasible or appropriate to deal with the situation and government stepped in to take over poverty programs as all the old illusions of the masses about never ending up that poor or needing long term help to survive were all swept away. Suddenly socialism started looking pretty good to tens of millions of people, along with the idea of demanding that the poor be treated with dignity and the ruling class chose these govt. programs and new laws that gave dignity to poor people over the threat of socialism and revolution. Too bad how much of that has been forgotten and how the old ideas about deserving and undeserving poor are fully back in vogue.

Healthcare: Give it to everyone as a government program.

wordywalt comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Why not? This is exactly what every other industrialized nation is doing -- and it works and reduces overall medical costs. It is amazing to me that we have not found the intelligence and morality to do it decades ago.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

Because America is too damn individualistic in its culture and most Americans do not feel we are really in it together. Otherwise, they would demand that both major parties support it and refuse to vote for anyone who did not support it. If there were ever issues worth being a single-issue voter on, it would be this and ending our permanent wars (in the Middle East and Afghanistan) for oil and empire.

All women want these days is sex. Men just want to snuggle and talk about feelings!

48thRonin comments on Dec 11, 2018:

Well ( cough ) so many people pushed for gender reversal so Mazel Tov ?

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

@jorj You have a good point. Boys and young men do at some point need a male role model to teach them about the dating game-rules, strategy, etc. It would not necessarily have to be the father or even an uncle. I think for many guys my age who did not get any help on this from their fathers, the guys end up being mentored by their male peers, like we often see on TV or the movies. So it's not always hopeless. In my case what little I've learned has been from same age male peers. Question is, when the male is mentored by same age peers, how appropriate and useful will the info be?

All women want these days is sex. Men just want to snuggle and talk about feelings!

Charity comments on Dec 11, 2018:

Hubs doesn't really cuddle much and isn't into sex as much as I am. He's such a sports nut...ESPN, NFL, NBA, NASCAR and ALL things soccer. Maybe if I get a football jersey for myself and put on a pair of his soccer socks he'll notice me. Meh, I loathe football. Hence, why we have agreed upon ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 16, 2018:

You sound like the old joke about the football widow wife standing naked in front of the TV to get her hubby's attention during the big game for some halftime sex, lol!

I smoke, I drink, I do drugs does that make me undesirable, unreliable, disloyal, unloving and ...

Cutiebeauty comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Yes,

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@genessa Like I said in another thread, don't ask a seemingly sincere question unless you want an honest answer and can deal with or handle the answer. He asked it and Cutiebeauty is in the right here. I think we need a link here to a clip of that courtroom scene from A Few Good Men. "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!!"

Which is worse in a spouse, one who is very conservative, supportive of Trump, gun rights, lower ...

273kelvin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Really your left are pussys compared to the UK and europe. If you think that Cortez is extreme? You can tell where Trajan61 politics lie by the weighted question. Its so nuts to think that psychopaths should not have guns.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@MrBeelzeebubbles The Torys or Tories, not sure of the spelling, are the UK counterpart of the Repubs in the US.

Which is worse in a spouse, one who is very conservative, supportive of Trump, gun rights, lower ...

Drsmash253 comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Okay I've dealt with this kind of question before and I will give you the same response as I've given others that's like asking me to choose between being punched in the face or kicked in the nuts

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

I'll politely ask to get neither of them, lol!

Maybe you fine people can explain something to me.

TheGreatShadow comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Yes, I'm sure we have had heard a similar line like this before. I have studied sociology, and here is what usually happens. They might have met someone else, or realized that the two of you would not be a good fit. It might be two hard for them to tell you. Another part is that they think they are ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@TheGreatShadow You got it! The problem is that so few people within the dating world will give you that honest feedback about why they rejected you, so whatever you might be able to change, will not be changed as you are operating in the dark. If only more people realized this and were more generous, all of us could be better at dating. But, once again, most people are way too selfish and gutless. Too bad, because, like the concept of Paying It Forward, that type of honest generosity might eventually come back to benefit them later as well in their own dating. Too much short term selfishness. Of course, my suggested altruism for the dating world is a pipe dream as far as having some form of Pay It Forward appeal to both self interest and helping others. Why? Because my guess is that the vast majority of those who comfortably ghost and refuse to help other daters with honest feedback are probably self- deluded souls who think they are perfect performers in dating and could never need or benefit from feedback. So there's nothing in it for them, as they see it, by helping. Only the risk of some grief from the rejected. So before I get bashed for putting down women for not giving in person feedback to men, I am only talking about feedback given online or, if it seems safe enough, phone or texting. I am very aware of the danger women can open for with in person conflict.

Maybe you fine people can explain something to me.

Cutiebeauty comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Sometimes a woman will talk to her girlfriends about the date and you.. Maybe discuss your text messages with them ... And they change their minds...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@Cutiebeauty No shit, It seems like ghosting or the mysteries of why people are rejected by others in online dating are at least a weekly thing, sometimes even more often. Still, I stand by my points on why a response of some type should be given.

Maybe you fine people can explain something to me.

Cutiebeauty comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Sometimes a woman will talk to her girlfriends about the date and you.. Maybe discuss your text messages with them ... And they change their minds...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@Cutiebeauty I get that, and, you're right, in this case the woman did respond instead of ghosting the OP of this thread. I forgot about that when I wrote my comment, confused it with another similar thread. My mistake. This type of stuff seems to come up so often these days on this site. Thanks for the correction.

Maybe you fine people can explain something to me.

SKH78 comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Welcome to the world of dating. This kind of thing happens. Not fun, but it is part of life. It is what it is. I don't care too much for dating sites, because this is common. It works out better if relatives and friends can do match making. Best situations happen if you find some activities to...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

You're right, people who meet others thru mutual parties don't have the anonymity of the internet to hide behind and are also accountable to some degree to the mutual parties that set them up with the other person. In other words, they have some incentive to play nice and fair with the people they meet so their friends don't end up hearing what a jerk they are. Same thing when people meet thru an organization. One instance in which gossip serves a positive social purpose.

Maybe you fine people can explain something to me.

TheGreatShadow comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Yes, I'm sure we have had heard a similar line like this before. I have studied sociology, and here is what usually happens. They might have met someone else, or realized that the two of you would not be a good fit. It might be two hard for them to tell you. Another part is that they think they are ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

Most people are way too selfish and/or gutless to help you out with constructive criticism within the online dating world. Those that do are indeed generous and it would be nice if there were more of them. So the online dater is left to try figuring it out between the lying and silence from the opposite sex. The argument of "sparing your feelings" is self-serving bullshit in most cases because it's usually just a rationalization by the person to make them feel better about being callous or gutless, not because they actually care about the other person. Having said that, some people want to hear the real reason for rejection, some don't. But one thing I do know is that if someone actually has the balls to ask "why', then we owe them the truth, at least I feel I do. Most would then want and appreciate the truth. And if they turn out to have lied about wanting it? Well, that's their problem because you have already been fair, honest and truthful, so you walk away feeling clean.

Maybe you fine people can explain something to me.

Cutiebeauty comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Sometimes a woman will talk to her girlfriends about the date and you.. Maybe discuss your text messages with them ... And they change their minds...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

Everyone has the right to change their minds and frequently they exercise this. But if you have already met them, they owe you some response when they've decided to drop you, rather than crickets, even if the response is just a text or e-mail. If the other person doesn't know where you live, how is that response going to endanger your safety? It won't, it comes down to whether you have a conscience about how you treat people or not. If you send them the response in a text, you can always block them later.

Maybe you fine people can explain something to me.

Cabsmom comments on Dec 15, 2018:

I went on one date with a man in January (a co-workers brother) and it went just okay. I was willing to keep talking to him and go out again because I was still interested and he seemed a little shy. We were texting every day and in the middle of a long text conversation he simply stopped ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

I think you handled it just right with the man from the dating site. If only everyone was that honest and considerate.

Healthcare: Give it to everyone as a government program.

patchoullijulie comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Another thought is that maybe, if employers were not being held responsible for providing healthcare, that maybe, just maybe, it might open the door to providing better wages to it's employees! Just a thought.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

That's what would happen. See comment above.

Maybe you fine people can explain something to me.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Just been there. Met for coffee last Sat.. Talked for 2 1/2 hours, seemed to go well. Told her in person that I would like to see her again and would e-mail her thru Match and wait to hear from her. Got home and did so that evening. She didn't read the e-mail til Thur. and still hasn't replied. Yup,...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@Hellas I agree it doesn't change the reason or the fact, I just like standing up to people vs. being passive. Different strokes for......

Guns: Give them to everyone as a government program.

BestWithoutGods comments on Dec 15, 2018:

You need to look at reality, not at the nonsense coming from the NRA. The truth is that in countries where firearms have been banned, mass shootings are almost completely nonexistent. The more firearms are out there, the more they will be used unlawfully. Give everyone a firearm, and gun deaths will...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@dahermit That doesn't seem to add up for me because it seems like in the US all the mass shootings occur with white males killing other white people. So how does racial composition of a nation factor into it?

[aish.com] 4 Ways to Eliminate Negative Dating Beliefs

sassygirl3869 comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Hey just posting an article for those who are dating. Don't kill the messenger. FYI Only.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@Deiter Sorry Deiter, nothing personal. I've just never had much X-mas spirit even before I quit believing. Plus, when I see something that seems like platitudes or mealy-mouthed, I tend to be a harsh critic. Enjoy your holiday season and I still admire you.

Maybe you fine people can explain something to me.

Deiter comments on Dec 15, 2018:

I've wrestled with this myself bc so many times I've gotten phone numbers that've come from really nice encounters but when I called them, they put me off or, even worse, go cold. I've even had this happen with women who approached me first. All I can think is that – and forgive my ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

Sounds plausible to me.

Maybe you fine people can explain something to me.

Wenepai comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Yeah, for some reason a lot of people seem hesitant to broach the topic of chemistry in person. I personally will tell someone to their face if I'm not "feeling it," simply because I prefer they use their energy towards finding someone who will.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

I usually know when I meet someone the first time if I feel physical attraction, chemistry or whatever euphanism you prefer to use, but I won't come out and tell them in person because I think most people find that to be an insulting judgment on their looks. If only most people were strong and secure enough to hear it in person the way a gorgeous woman shared it with me when we met on a blind date back in the pre-internet era. We met thru my personal ad and as soon as I saw her I knew she wouldn't be interested in dating me. She tactfully told me, just like you, that she "wasn't feeling it" and in her experience she always did feel it from the start with a man she was attracted to. We ended up being platonic friends for two years and occaisonally went out together. Is it really that tough to level with someone? Apparently so with most people, both in being ready to share or receive the bad news. I will tell someone in person if they ask me, but if they don't I will send them an e-mail after the first meeting or date, whenever I've decided I'm not physically attracted and say I'm not interested in seeing them again. That way, I'm not leaving them hanging and wondering, but at the same time I'm not hurting their feelings by telling them they're physically unattractive to me when they aren't asking the reason I'm not interested. One woman on Match actually asked me why I didn't want to meet her after she looked at my profile and messaged me. I told her the truth, that she was too overweight for me to feel attracted. She replied that she already had a mirror and a scale, so she didn't need me to tell her she was overweight. Moral of the story, don't ask for the truth unless you're ready to hear it. Maybe somebody will post a link to that clip from A Few Good Men, lol! "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!!"

OK men.

PalacinkyPDX comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Why is it every old white dude tries to look like Jimmy Buffett?

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

I resemble that remark as one old white dude who actually hates Jimmy Buffet and his cheeseball music and definitely has not taken on his look!! How he got so rich off so little talent and an attitude of laziness and endless partying says a lot about our society.

Democrats Serve The Public/Republicans Serve Their Donors.

snytiger6 comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Generally, when democrats act is is almost always in teh interest of people. When republicans act, it is almost always to preserve or increase profits for their donors.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@Druvius You also forgot to thank Clinton for NAFTA and ending welfare as well as the Dems ending financial regulation before the Great Recession.

Democrats Serve The Public/Republicans Serve Their Donors.

snytiger6 comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Generally, when democrats act is is almost always in teh interest of people. When republicans act, it is almost always to preserve or increase profits for their donors.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

Bullshit.

Democrats Serve The Public/Republicans Serve Their Donors.

Druvius comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Snort. Every president since Reagan has served the bankers, the Pentagon, and the oligarchs. The Dems are just better at giving lip service to the public.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

Agree with you and Amzungu2. The premise is bullshit. Dems are just better at giving lip service to the middle class and offering up identity politics and multiculturalism to the liberals instead of waging any real class warfare on behalf of the poor and middle class against the rich and corporations. Because the Dems take money from the rich and corporations instead of just from unions and the non-rich like they used to for their campaigns. The Dems won't even discuss poverty anymore, with the exception of Bernie Sanders and a couple others, because it might offend middle class suburban voters that the Dems are courting.

OK ladies.

Stepmomofdragons comments on Dec 14, 2018:

I think if there's a finishing school for women, there should be one for guys. Women are always held to a standard of being well mannered, well dressed, intelligent, cultured with good conversation skills. Why not men? Fellas, I don't think your masculinity is under threat to act like you have some...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@Stepmomofdragons I think both you and your sparring partner jondspen make some valid points and are never going to agree about this stuff. Thank you both for contributing.

So let's take a look at your qualifications.

tinebean comments on Dec 15, 2018:

I perform great in both a group setting or independently ?

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

ding,ding,ding! We have the winner here!!

So let's take a look at your qualifications.

48thRonin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

https://youtu.be/GXtzKYmdTv0

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@48thRonin True that.... And as far as PC goes, Mel Brooks admitted several years ago that with PC this movie could never have been made ten or 15 years later than it was.

Some folks are just plain lazy.

48thRonin comments on Dec 14, 2018:

Beautiful ?????? Had a woman in Richmond who was panhandling a couple of years ago decline some Gatorade on a 100 degree day and demanded money instead. The couple said that she needed to get of the heat and hydrate since they were EMT’s they felt like she could be in danger. She then ran ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

@Beowulfsfriend You're a better, stronger man than I am. I wouldn't be able to stand the frustration and heartache of your work.

So let's take a look at your qualifications.

48thRonin comments on Dec 15, 2018:

https://youtu.be/GXtzKYmdTv0

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 15, 2018:

A great line from on of my all-time fav ( and nowadays most politically incorrect) movies! Ronin, you are a sick man, but very funny....

OK men.

ipdg77 comments on Dec 14, 2018:

I would have thought the burden lay with the blokes, most of them/us are lazy sods about their appearance and get even worse when they're sorted :-)

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 14, 2018:

@ipdg77 Thanks, now your comment makes sense to me. It seems like both sexes sort of let their appearance go in many cases once they have coupled up, figuring they no longer have to sell themselves to anyone with beauty or charm. Looking around tho, it appears men are more guilty of letting their appearance go than women when this happens.

OK men.

LiterateHiker comments on Dec 14, 2018:

How would **men** like women advising them how to improve themselves to be more attractive to women? "Guys, you need to lose weight, get fit, whiten your teeth, wear stylish clothes, get rid of your beard, get a haircut, trim your nostril hair, shower daily, floss daily, get regular teeth ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 14, 2018:

If it was a female friend who I had trust with and I knew cared about me, yes, I would appreciate their effort to help. Otherwise, if it was a stranger or someone I just met, I would probably feel a little hurt and not feel enough encouragement to bother trying their advice.

OK men.

ipdg77 comments on Dec 14, 2018:

I would have thought the burden lay with the blokes, most of them/us are lazy sods about their appearance and get even worse when they're sorted :-)

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 14, 2018:

What is sorted? Must be a British term.

Ghosting is a term normally reserved for relationships.

Deiter comments on Dec 14, 2018:

Ghosting is passive-aggressive but it's not always the worst alternative. Sometimes that *last conversation* is just better not had. Sometimes there's no point. Also, as someone searching for work, employers overwhelmingly use ghosting as their down vote for a job. Even after extensive ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 14, 2018:

@Deiter No matter, to me Deiter, you are still The Man!

Ghosting is a term normally reserved for relationships.

LiterateHiker comments on Dec 13, 2018:

What do you mean, recruiters are experiencing ghosting? People drop out when they realize the job has low pay, or they get a better offer?

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 14, 2018:

@Kojaksmom Oh course they will suffer from dissing an employer. What else is new? It's a power game, as Deiter would say. But I find it encouraging, no matter the cost, that more workers will not keep putting up with the same shit from employers. It's no different in some ways than organizing a union or going on strike, you challenge the power of the employer, they will probably make you pay. But after decades of class warfare against workers, maybe it's time to fight back in some way and if most workers start doing that, then employers can't get away with punishing all of them. Because they sure as hell don't want to hire Boomers and also don't want Gen X workers either. They're generally more expensive than Millenials and harder to push around. So I hope the Mills hang together on this, then they might get away with it.

Ghosting is a term normally reserved for relationships.

Deiter comments on Dec 14, 2018:

Ghosting is passive-aggressive but it's not always the worst alternative. Sometimes that *last conversation* is just better not had. Sometimes there's no point. Also, as someone searching for work, employers overwhelmingly use ghosting as their down vote for a job. Even after extensive ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 14, 2018:

Angry? More than a little, I think. Tell us how you really feel Deiter....

Ghosting is a term normally reserved for relationships.

LiterateHiker comments on Dec 13, 2018:

What do you mean, recruiters are experiencing ghosting? People drop out when they realize the job has low pay, or they get a better offer?

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 14, 2018:

@Paul4747 It may be passive-aggressive, but I've got to hand it to younger workers for their ghosting of employers as "fighting the power" in whatever way they can. Ghosting in personal relationships is a whole other matter and usually involves an innocent party being mistreated by someone who is simply being selfish and gutless.

I am a Man and I Approve this Message.

Jolanta comments on Dec 13, 2018:

Oh, if it only was so easy.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 14, 2018:

There are some of us out there, but most of us aren't as good-looking or wealthy as the men women usually pick to message and meet from dating sites. So, in a way, the women who pick the non-project men (who might "seem" perfect as they are, are self-sabotaging without knowing it. The other component is women falling for the lies of men who can spin a nice phony profile essay tricking them into picking a man who is something different and then thinking they can change him into a kind, caring human being. Is that the hard part you are referencing?

Ghosting is a term normally reserved for relationships.

LiterateHiker comments on Dec 13, 2018:

What do you mean, recruiters are experiencing ghosting? People drop out when they realize the job has low pay, or they get a better offer?

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 14, 2018:

@Paul4747 I have heard that this is now a common practice among Millenials. Instead of giving notice or quitting a job the old way, they just quit showing up for work. Can't say I blame them in most cases. They look at Boomers like me or even Gen X workers and see us as chumps for showing any old school loyalty or respect to employers and maybe they're right based on the cold reality.

For all the lefty's out there.

LiterateHiker comments on Dec 13, 2018:

I come from a family of six, left-handed, highly intelligent, hilarious musicians and artists. I feel delighted to see someone is left-handed. "Are you a musician or artist?" I ask. Ninety-nine percent say yes.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 14, 2018:

I'm not a musician, but I am a good singer and have always sung since I was a child. Would that count as another typical lefty in your experience?

It's so off-putting when guys state they're really serious about finding a relationship, or settling...

Stephanie99 comments on Dec 13, 2018:

They aren't settling. They weren't interested in the relationship to begin with. They are just saying what they think you want to hear.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 13, 2018:

I think both genders do that on dating sites, just say what they think the other sex wants to hear, then going with what they actually want and can find someone agreeable with them to go act out together. I suspect that many of the women whose profiles I see on Match that suggest they want some serious, exclusive relationship will gladly "settle" for something casual and not long term if the guy is fun, good-looking enough, great in bed, etc. just the same as the guys you are criticizing. They are saying what is more socially acceptable and what they think guys want to hear, but more the former I think. But I'll never know as I never get to meet these women since I don't meet their standards with my profile so all I have to go on is their profiles.

Honestly, I joined to meet smart, non-religious guys here, not really to just chat.

Seeker3CO comments on Dec 13, 2018:

I agree this is a GREAT chat room and discussion forum for "like" minded (some are not so alike) people to get together. It can also lead to great conversations with people you are attracted to. Perhaps VERY attracted (as has been my case). But then... we are an international group with a widely ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 13, 2018:

@Seeker3CO Whatever.. glad it seems to work out better for you whatever the cause.

Honestly, I joined to meet smart, non-religious guys here, not really to just chat.

Seeker3CO comments on Dec 13, 2018:

I agree this is a GREAT chat room and discussion forum for "like" minded (some are not so alike) people to get together. It can also lead to great conversations with people you are attracted to. Perhaps VERY attracted (as has been my case). But then... we are an international group with a widely ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 13, 2018:

@Seeker3CO I've been on Match for over a year and posted or commented on it a bunch of times. Don't get me started again on how depressing that is! You're a bit better looking than me AND have a full head of hair. Puts you up a class from me on the dating sites, so your experience would probably be more positive than mine on those, maybe not much different here regarding dating. PS- Your main pic makes you look a lot better than your other profile pics. That probably helps too.

Honestly, I joined to meet smart, non-religious guys here, not really to just chat.

Seeker3CO comments on Dec 13, 2018:

I agree this is a GREAT chat room and discussion forum for "like" minded (some are not so alike) people to get together. It can also lead to great conversations with people you are attracted to. Perhaps VERY attracted (as has been my case). But then... we are an international group with a widely ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 13, 2018:

I hope it grows a lot more like you say. In the last year, I had only four women in my local area that were in my dating age range and seemed interesting and attractive by their photos. Messaged all of them, rejected by all four. When your prospects are that limited, it's pretty hopeless. Dating someone more than 50 miles away is not for me, so those four were it.

Why is it so damn hard to meet likeminded people?

LiterateHiker comments on Dec 13, 2018:

Here's my joke about local, single older men in Wenatchee, WA: If I wanted a fat, good 'ol boy, tobacco chewing, ignorant, Republican fisherman and hunter who loves his Harley, snowmobile and chainsaw and decorates with antlers... I'd be ALL SET. On dating websites, my local matches look like...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 13, 2018:

You profile says you live in WA state. Based on your description of the local matches, I'm guessing you are nowhere near Seattle.....

Name One Thing You Want in Your Life in 2019.

Lutherzme comments on Dec 13, 2018:

This is going to sound morbid as fuck but I wish my mother would pass. She is in the end stages of Alzheimer's, has been in a care home for a year and a half, doesn't walk anymore, doesn't talk anymore and my father and I take turns feeding her dinner every other day. This has been almost 10 years ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 13, 2018:

@sassygirl3869 That Catholic, fundy Christian crap of prolonging death by any means is such cruel bullshit. I don't know how anyone with a real heart can wish that for someone or in good conscience authorize it as a next of kin or POA. If my health gets so poor I have no quality of life left and can't actively end my life, I sure as hell want my sig. other or POA to stop having me fed. That's one way to escape that kind of hell.

Name One Thing You Want in Your Life in 2019.

Lutherzme comments on Dec 13, 2018:

This is going to sound morbid as fuck but I wish my mother would pass. She is in the end stages of Alzheimer's, has been in a care home for a year and a half, doesn't walk anymore, doesn't talk anymore and my father and I take turns feeding her dinner every other day. This has been almost 10 years ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 13, 2018:

I'm so sorry you and her are going thru this. By the late fall of 2016 my late wife's condition and quality of life were so poor that I was wishing the same thing and so was her best friend of 35 years. It was so horrifying to watch and it teaches you for sure that there are worse things than death in this earthly life. Hope her suffering ends soon. I'm lucky my wife only had dementia for about 5 and a half years because suffering with her just about killed me emotionally and physically. Can't imagine what ten years would be like....

Is there life after divorce?

aintmisbehaven comments on Dec 12, 2018:

life? yes money? maybe not

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 12, 2018:

@mordant Think I heard that thing about finding a woman you hate and buying her a house. Sounds like a country song...

Is there life after divorce?

JimG comments on Dec 12, 2018:

When people say, 'You can't buy happiness." I tell them that You can, and it's called divorce.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 12, 2018:

Reminds me of the old joke. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it! Ba duhm, rim shot..

Yup, that they do...

pinefox comments on Dec 12, 2018:

It's like inflection: I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 12, 2018:

Good one....

Are you relationship material? Would you date YOU? [rebelcircus.com]

CaroleKay comments on Dec 12, 2018:

I'm changing my avatar for something more appropriate for this, but yes! I would date me cats and all...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 12, 2018:

@PalacinkyPDX My late wife loved cats until the end, but she got rid of her cats once she had three at the same time. She said three at once was "going to make her feel like the crazy cat lady".

Are you relationship material? Would you date YOU? [rebelcircus.com]

CaroleKay comments on Dec 12, 2018:

I'm changing my avatar for something more appropriate for this, but yes! I would date me cats and all...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 12, 2018:

I would not only date me, but would even date a woman with two cats, which is my limit. 3 or more cats would seem too much like crazy cat lady, lol!

I am so, so tired of this: ".

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 10, 2018:

Keith- LiterateHiker pretty well covered it, but two things stand out to me-not saying I have tons of room to talk on this any more than you but- One, rejecting over 40% of the women as ugly seems a little too harsh and limited for a guy who's not outstanding looking. Guys in or around average need ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 10, 2018:

@kgoodyear Glad you took it that way. I have tantrums too and I had no doubt all of the claims about yourself are true and very impressive actually, at least to me.

I am so, so tired of this: ".

48thRonin comments on Dec 10, 2018:

Maybe you need good strong Russian woman. We have them for sale you know and soon we’ll have a fresh selection of slightly used Ukrainian women. They come with a 30 day warranty. So when you need a woman to make you glad don’t forget to call uncle Vlad.?

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 10, 2018:

Very funny!!!

How real is this? [youtu.be]

hayley comments on Dec 10, 2018:

Wow I have never asked these questions. I'm not the most confident chick out there but damn, I'm not that insecure. I hope at some point during her talk she explained why women ask those questions and what both people in the relationship should be doing differently.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 10, 2018:

@FrayedBear Most likely right about that.

How real is this? [youtu.be]

hayley comments on Dec 10, 2018:

Wow I have never asked these questions. I'm not the most confident chick out there but damn, I'm not that insecure. I hope at some point during her talk she explained why women ask those questions and what both people in the relationship should be doing differently.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 10, 2018:

I would hope that she did a debriefing as well, like you said. Yes, the ?s are all very stereotypical and manipulative, but I give the fellow bald guy props for being a good sport and trying to say the most tactful, supportive thing in each case. To me it seems the lesson is to just trust your partner enough to play it straight and not question them with manipulation or an agenda, ie,, just come right out and say "What do you think of this dress, __________________, or whatever is really on your mind. And be enough of a grown up to handle the answer. I'm grateful and lucky my late wife was strong and healthy enough she didn't play that kind of stuff with anybody.

Some very important truths here :-) [youtube.com]

Lorajay comments on Dec 9, 2018:

I was especially intrigued by the move up or laterally instead of moving down. Of course when someone moves up the other person obviously has to move down.

TomMcGiverin replies on Dec 9, 2018:

Exactly, and those are the rare exceptions that I was referring to. In those cases I'm guessing it's more often the woman who moves down on the looks scale to be with a man with less looks than her due to his personality. Of course we all are aware of the phenomena of trading looks for money, usually where a woman moves down for a man with money.