Friday Humor

Triphid comments on Dec 21, 2018:

A good one, even though it's Saturday here, still a good one.

So true.....

Triphid comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Given the chance and opportunities some people WILL change their mind, others, however, are so stubborn that even radical brain surgery will have no effect at all.

Breaking News.

Triphid comments on Dec 21, 2018:

But they still have to wear their 'magic' underwear at ALL times though.

Can't believe that anyone in 2018 could make this argument.

Triphid comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Who ever wrote that load of drivel IS most definitely NOT the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Relax folks. I have found the source of global warming. 😂

Triphid comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Jeez Louise, that posting is about as funny as an infected and impacted wisdom tooth.

Is it accurate?

Triphid comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Well, here where I live, we have an ages old tradition of sorts where you can say Hello/G'day to a complete stranger and usually get a reply like, " How are you mate," or " G'day, bloody hot/cold ( depending on the season) weather we've been having but I'm going okay, how about you," etc. etc, BUT sadly that 'tradition' seems only to have survived around here, in the cities they seem about as friendly as a Pox Doctors Clerk at a Prostitutes Convention.

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident.

Triphid comments on Dec 21, 2018:

That's kind of like what happened when, in my young and silly, daring days, I took on a job hauling loads of Nitro-glyerine by truck 200+kms north of here. One trip the chiller on the truck broke down, the temperature in the chiller began to rise quickly and all I could do was head across the bush, jump clear and run for cover before the load exploded. A car traveling some distance behind me saw and heard the bang as the load went up, the driver came over to find me hiding from the blast in a dry creek bed, covered in dirt, dust and debris, got me back to his car and drove me back to the Depot Shed where the boss was waiting. The first thing the boss asked me was, " How's my bloody truck?" To which I replied, " Well there's good news and bad, the truck's totally fucked, BUT the good news is the spare wheel is quick okay, and thanks for asking if I'm alright, now you shove your job, I quit."

Do you know your blood type?

Triphid comments on Dec 20, 2018:

A rh+

This is something for thought.

Triphid comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Caption could be; " Damn, I should have used a safety rope with this one." LOL.

Hi! My name is Lalune, I'm a 24 year old Canadian living in England.

Triphid comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Greetings and Welcome to you from me. I'm an Atheist, have been so since about 8 years of age, have a ThD after studying Theology and Comparative Modern Religions purely to attempt to know and understand as much as possible ( if not, in many cases more than my debating opponents do) for debates about religion. To my mind, religion makes about as much sense as standing on one foot whilst trying to find your way through a cyclone hoping not to get blown away by the winds.

I wonder who came up with this idea

Triphid comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Odds on they taste like crap anyway....LOL.

Just had to share this!

Triphid comments on Dec 19, 2018:

The religious DO have a way with words, don't they....LOL.

Even Nuns have bad habits Poverty, chastity and humility?

Triphid comments on Dec 19, 2018:

A few Hail Mary's and and extra Our Fathers and all will be forgiven, that's how religion sweeps things under the carpet.

Allegations of child sex abuse by Catholic priests more widespread than previously known, Illinois ...

Triphid comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Sexual Abuse of children, etc, in the Catholic Church has been rife since the inception of Catholicism almost. The entire Catholic Church SHOULD be dragged into courts world-wide and stand to face the music BEFORE being closed down permanently.

Baker Street Gerry Rafferty and the magic man on the saxophone, Raphael Ravencroft.

Triphid comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Always have loved hearing that one, the sax solo and the guitar riff are classic.

So the offenders group has rules against being offended?

Triphid comments on Dec 19, 2018:

My suggestion for those who suffer from " Butt Hurt," apply liberally BEFORE starting to read.

Yup, happens all the time.

Triphid comments on Dec 19, 2018:

100% true.

Deal with it...

Triphid comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Well it worked for my Daughter when she was 9 years old, I heard her wishing on a star one evening when I had her for the weekend. She ardently wished that she could always live with her Dad. 2 days later I filed for Sole Custody, won the Court Battle and we were together right up until she passed away from Cancer aged 16. Even through that horrendous battle with Cancer they were the best years of my life without a doubt.

Look closer...

Triphid comments on Dec 19, 2018:

" Look not to see the person on the outside, that is merely a facade, see instead the inner person, for that is real." - William Anthony, 2018

KISS - I Was Made For Lovin' You [youtube.com]

Triphid comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Jeez Louise, If I had a tongue like Gene Simmons I'd never be short of a date.....LOL.

T'is the season to drink wine, copious amounts of wine.

Triphid comments on Dec 19, 2018:

Definitely NOT the wine for me, tried it once, it tasted like grape juice mixed with dirty feet to me. I'll stick to what I like, a nice 12 year old Scotch thank you.

The administration is proposing cutting benifits for disabled and unemployed veterans.

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Bloody tight-fisted, money-grubbing Arse-holes in my opinion.

Curiosity will blinds as well as kills the cat.

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

that's like the bloke who walked around the gardens of the Mental Hospital every day dragging an upside down wheelbarrow behind him. One day a Doctor asked why he did it, so the bloke answered, " Do you think I'm crazy or something, If I turn it over the other way some mongrel will put stuff in it and I'll have push it along."

Florida church violated its religious exemption status, so it got slapped with a $7.

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

You bloody little ripper, finally the Tax Departments are starting to wake it seems.

I can never leave my house again. I’m surrounded by the infected.

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

FFS, what rock did those authors crawl out from under?

I live with one foot in each of two worlds, (liberal) Christian and agnosticism.

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

You can do those things, i.e. love others and treat them generously and sensitively, as an Atheist, it is a decent and natural thing inherent into almost anyone, IT DOES NOT need religion at all.

Marriage according to the Buybull

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

What sick and perverted bastards the authors of the Goat-Herders Guide to the Galaxy they were.

But, then, there's venison roasts!!!

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

"Fly you useless bastards, Fly." LOL

This is beyond outrageous. How is this not unconstitutional?

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Swear an Oath of Loyalty to Israel, the Genocidal Maniacs of the Middle East, dream on, the only thing they'd get from me a decent long dose of my urine on their flag to say the very least. Time the whole world stopped arse-kissing to the Jews, the Holocaust was over 70 years ago, the Nuremburg Trails are done and dusted, so build a bloody bridge and get over it all. You Jews are living on lands STOLEN from the Palestinians ONLY because the British, French, etc, DID NOT want you flooding back into their lands and controlling the economies.

Doesn't this definition apply to believers.

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

To some, Yes it does apply.

How many people wish christmas and the other religious holidays were over?

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

I stopped doing anything for Xmas after my 16 year old Daughter passed from Cancer in Jan. 2001 until my nephew, Henry, was born 5 years ago. Now I only celebrate Xmas for his benefit, otherwise it's just another day of the year.

I'm not sure if anyone here has had to deal with package ninjas before.

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

I had one of those Scumbags around my neighborhood a few years ago, my action was to 'recycle' a package I'd already opened, fill it some very fresh, smelly dog turds in a plastic bag placed on a tightly compressed spring, seal the package up again, mark it as fragile and valuable, leave it on the verandah and sit back and watch. I reckon it would have given her a very 'nice' surprise when she opened it.

Has anyone here heard about the Druze community of Israel?

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Group Mass disillusionment perhaps?

May we suggest...

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

And became a part of the biggest LIE ever told.

And now, a PSA......

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

In an outfit like that you stink of sweat in no time at all....LOL.

Wondering exactly what this site is about.

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

The ONLY way to know is to find out for yourself.

Damn they’re really making it hard to use this site.

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Aw, poor baby, why not build a bridge and get over it, everyone else did?

Wonder how it got there....

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Well, I'm not sure about the first 3 BUT number four, in my opinion, is purely due to the rank stupidity of a vast number of American voters.

Catholic Bishops Urge Parents To Reject Transgender Children | Michael Stone

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Tell the Bishops to go FUCK themselves and LEAVE the children ALONE for a change.

Google Hosts App for Enforcing Sharia and for Reporting Blasphemy [secularism.org.uk]

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Puts a whole new TWIST on the Religious Freedom thing doesn't it?

Is it any wonder that evangelical Christians are much more likely to be Trump supporters?

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

The WAR on Truth and Fact has been going on since mankind first invented religions.

A Question for all the Leftists On This Site: I was listening to Steven Pinker's "Enlightenment ...

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

'Free Markets' are only 'free' to those running and profiting from them, to the rest they are simply a Fiscal burden.

Do you think the Confederacy felt they ever had a chance of winning the Civil War?

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

In warfare the ONLY winners are the Arms Manufactures.

God's Truth - Lies and Liars

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

As an Atheist ( and still am an Atheist) studying Theology and Comparative modern Religions I often posed many similar questions and simply got the same answers as; " It is NOT for you to question, it IS simply for you to believe and thus make those who follow your teachings to believe as well." That, basically, is the Credo of Seminaries of Xtianity.

This will always be so disturbing to me because they mean it so literally and believe it so hard.

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

It is so sad that some people actually believe in that utter bullshit that feel they MUST force it on to everyone else.

I've been a minister of religion but have several nagging doubts.

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Whether or not it is ' claimed' as being a holy BOOK, it is just a book ( actually a collection of ancient archaic mythologies plagiarized from dozens of much older cultures and then twisted to suit the needs of the religion it serves,) other than that it is absolutely NOTHING and almost as completely meaningless. After 7 years of study I have a ThD in Theology ( Theosophy as I like to call it) and Comparative Modern Religions and still remain an Atheist.

Pagan celebrations

Triphid comments on Dec 18, 2018:

Have a very Happy Solstice Season.

Who does Trump want for Chief of Staff?...

Triphid comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Wouldn't it be better to ask " Who DOESN"T want to be Drumps next Chief of Staff?"

The nativity scene is displayed in yards, churches and businesses.

Triphid comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Actually there was a rule in the Roman Legions that Legionaries could ejaculate on their female rape victims BUT they could not penetrate them, i.e. they MUST NOT venture past the Forchette, the junction of the labia at the top of the vulva. Not a very good idea since sperm can and will dribble down and into the vaginal orifice, which may mean that the Great Jeebus was probably fathered by a Roman Legionary getting his rocks off and not Sky Daddy after all.

Lol... I think of my son when I see this.

Triphid comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Well that one strap is certainly NOT going to hold that on for long. Shit, I must be of a very rare breed, I use multiple ropes/straps when tying down loads of firewood in a trailer, enough to hold down a herd of elephants even.

This has a bit of a twist to it.

Triphid comments on Dec 17, 2018:

I've always wanted to get a full sized plastic skeleton to put on a toilet bowl in my front garden with sign around its neck saying, " Hes anyone got some toilet paper, I've been here for hours just waiting."

The French can be such a pain.

Triphid comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Frankenstein was the Doctor NOT the monster btw.

What a wonderful world it is.

Triphid comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Looks like not only was he dipping his LNP snout deeply into the Public Purse but also dipping his wick in places it shouldn't have gone. That's at least 2 Xtian Commandments he's broken, such hypocrisy.

Because cats think they are gods.

Triphid comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Well in Ancient Egypt they were. They were the embodiment of Bastet, the Cat Goddess.

I am extremely sensitive to loud, cacaphonous noises which, on Mondays, means the grounds ...

Triphid comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Recently whilst going for a walk I noticed the local Council Workers were cutting down a long dead tree on the footpath, the tree was about 30 feet tall with a trunk about 18 inches in diameter. Just to see what their reaction would be I asked them if they'd mind dropping the wood off into my driveway as I use a wood burning heater in winter to keep warm. They asked for my address with a smile and I continued on with my walk. I arrived home just as their tipper truck pulled up at my gate and got quite a nice surprise when they asked where I'd like it unloaded. So now I have about 5 tons of very dry dead firewood nicely cut up ready for next winter and the workers went away with enough spare money from me for them to buy themselves a carton of beer each. They also asked me that IF they had any more trees to remove in my area would I like the firewood, I happily agreed and thanked them.

I Love Wolves. Do You?

Triphid comments on Dec 17, 2018:

My Cherokee Tribal name is Grey Wolf, here in Australia my favourite animal is the Australian Dingo, they are beautiful animals and make the loyalest of family pets.

Bring it. ♥

Triphid comments on Dec 17, 2018:

Perhaps the 'Old Dragon' of a neighbour was jealous because yours are better looking....LOL. On a plus side, you're not alone, I often used to get a neighbor, living some 6 houses away, complaining about my murals on the front of my house. I don't know what exactly her problem is because my murals are only oceanic type scenes with the main feature being a shark with its jaws wide open surrounding the front door and part of a human leg caught up in its teeth.

Exactly how it happened ??

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

And the REAL father of the child was, Longius Tongius Lickus Maximus....LOL.

Who are two of your favorite musicians, singer/songwriters who you feel should have more of an ...

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Julian Lennon, first son of John Lennon, Neil Diamond would be my next best favourite.

Today is the anniversary of the death of my brother Johnny.

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Warfare- where Generals and Politicians plan best how to kill off the younger, stronger people to make more profits for their Big Money Mates. My sympathies are with you Mary.

Run, Run, Run

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Rocking and Rolling Baby, rocking and rolling.....LOL.

Why can't the public propose to place on a ballot what they believe should be a law?

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Nice idea BUT the political parties, etc, would be very loathe to allow it since it would undermine their monopolies.

Hello everyone from a new member.

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

G'day there, enjoy the company, have fun.

"The virgin birth story is about an all-knowing, all-powerful deity impregnating a human teen.

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Out and Out Divine rape in my opinion.

40 years in the Sinai

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

40 years in the Sinai desert when he could have taken the short-cut up along the Eastern Mediterranean coast, Ah the wisdom of Moses. But hey, 'blessed shall be the sandal-makers for they shall make a fortune,' .......LOL.

Could you ever eat this? [nypost.com]

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Definitely NO, but I've eaten Witchetty Grubs grilled on hot stones before and they taste delicious.

Bishop Blames The Victim, Claims ‘Immodest Dress’ Of Women Causes Sexual Assault | Michael Stone

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Hey, go easy on the Clergy please, like lawyers they ARE taught to lie, cheat and blame everyone except themselves.

[cannabis.net] Is vegan weed even real?

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Darn those Vegans/Vegetarians, they murder innocent plants just so they can devour them with pleasure.

This one gave me a little chuckle....

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

The entire planet will breathe a sigh of relief WHEN he is impeached

I read this on Facebook and just busted up laughing. Yes, being gay is fun.

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Either way it CAN be a real 'bummer'......LOL.

Welcome @Detritus!

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

G'day @Detritus are you any relation to @gastritus.....LOL.

For all of you

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Shit, I've been waiting so long I'm starting to think they've gotten lost or something.

Okay, new party thread.

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Hmmm, now where do I start....

Feed your local ED people next week guys , or even better , on New Year's Eve ?

Triphid comments on Dec 16, 2018:

Hospital food on Xmas day, Oh how I remember so well those gastronomic nightmares.

Random and yet so true

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Confessions, Nuns and of course vulnerable, innocent children, especially the vulnerable innocent children.

Who's up for a party?

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Don't just think, DO.

I just though this was funny,.. And sad. What a load of BS the Clergy are.

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Q. Why does the Pope cross himself as he always does? A. To show the sniper where to place the cross-hairs....LOL.

Guns: Give them to everyone as a government program.

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Who the fuck do you think you are kidding here?

What does it mean?

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

IMO, he sorely needs to see a Psychiatrist a.s.a.p.

Healthcare: Give it to everyone as a government program.

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Universal Public Healthcare systems have worded well in numerous western countries for decades, Australia, New Zealand, England, etc, for example BUT America seems intent upon having Profits for the Money-end of Town being placed way before the people and it IS the people who make up the Nation, not the Nation who makes up the people. Plus, government is supposed to be there to attend to and care for the people it is ELECTED to serve, i.e. the ENTIRE populace and such attention/caring MUST include more than adequate National Healthcare available to ALL.

Happie Hippie Weekend - What's everyone doing this weekend? Still shopping? Parties? Get Togethers?

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Well, even though I don't actually celebrate Xmas personally, I'll be using my time this weekend to complete a wee project I've planed as Xmas present for my 5 year old nephew, Henry, he loves playing with his toy cars btw. So this should make a good addition to his ' mini automotive' adventures.

Welcome to Gypsy494 who has just joined the group. Start Rockin’!

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

G'day there, join in and start rocking and rolling with the rest of us.

I love what this lady did. I want to be like her! [m.facebook.com]

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Always try your best to be nice to the arse-holes of this world, it makes them feel worse and you feel a whole better than them.

Welcome @nobullshit !

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

Welcome to the world of reality.

Do your animals a favor.

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

My old and long departed Blue Heeler, Charlie, and I always had either a cup of coffee or glass of Iced Coffee Milk, well he had his in a bowl, for smokoh ( morning tea) or when we got home after a walk. He'd be right by my side when I was working outside gardening, etc, and about 1 hour to 1 and hours into the job I'd get a nudge from him suggesting, in my opinion, that he expected smokoh to be served up soon.

What will your legacy be?

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

" Always be kind to others no matter how they are to you BUT most all be kind to yourself as well."

This was my Mother in here younger days !

Triphid comments on Dec 15, 2018:

A most beautiful woman, BUT, how did she manage to have a child like you....LOL.

Hold on to those that encourage you and cheer you on... they are your real friends.

Triphid comments on Dec 14, 2018:

" True friends are like Diamonds, rich and very rare, False friends are like Autumn leaves, found everywhere."

I'm sure God approves, right?

Triphid comments on Dec 14, 2018:

To my mind, it was just another case of Don't do as I do, Do as I tell you. After all, that is exactly how religion works isn't it?

A Young boy coming of age

Triphid comments on Dec 14, 2018:

Male puberty is, without a doubt, pure torture for any boy since your penis has suddenly developed a mind of its own and you never know what situation, etc, you'll be in when it decides to make itself ' known.'

Do you know any common sayings, expressions, axioms or proverbs that are blatantly false, often ...

Triphid comments on Dec 14, 2018:

" Good things come to those who wait." "Its all gone to the dogs." " You'll feel better in the morning."

I believe this will be my next construction project.

Triphid comments on Dec 14, 2018:

Donate the Prototype to Drump.

SBSP - Slava Bogu Segodnya Pyatnitsa.

Triphid comments on Dec 14, 2018:

I wonder how the Ruskies would go with D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

This could be bad if it gives him gas......

Triphid comments on Dec 14, 2018:

That reminds me, it's time to sharpen my hunting knives, get my hunting bow ready and lay in wait for another year of getting fresh venison when that Fat bloke in the Red suit and his pesky sleigh lands in my yard again. Yumm, fresh venison again for another year, that's the only bit I enjoy about Xmas.....LOL.

For all the lefty's out there.

Triphid comments on Dec 14, 2018:

I've always been a 'leftie' even when the teachers would try to force me to change to being a 'rightie' by rapping me across the knuckles with a ruler at school. Scientifically 'lefties' are far more creative, free-thinking, passionate, compassionate and open-minded than most 'righties' even the Great Leonardo Da Vinci was a 'leftie' which has been proven by looking at the angle,etc, of his brush strokes and writings. I still do many things leftie style like writing, painting, sculpting, etc, so, Lefties stand tall, be Proud, above all else Be yourselves.

For all the lefty's out there.

Triphid comments on Dec 14, 2018:

'Lefties' were once another group of people persecuted by Churches. It occurred right up until the late 1960s in some Westernized Countries.

Happening in my area at the moment.

Triphid comments on Dec 13, 2018:

Another of those 'in your face' episodes of Xtian Symbolism that we, the rational minded, are forced to endure time and time again.

Detroit pastor charged with killing transgender woman | News Hits

Triphid comments on Dec 13, 2018:

No matter what you are, no matter how you look or how you dress, etc, No one has the right to kill you, especially NOT in the name of God/religion, etc. The hypocrisy of religion surmounts all, others in my opinion.

Is anyone else getting phone or text messages from religious organizations?

Triphid comments on Dec 13, 2018:

I used to get phone calls asking me have I found Jesus yet. My answer is always the easy and simple one, " Don't tell me he's gotten lost again."

Gun deaths in America reach highest level in nearly 40 years, CDC data shows - CNN

Triphid comments on Dec 13, 2018:

America does NOT have a 'Gun Deaths' problem, just ask any Gun-toting American.