I totally agree.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. -- Devil's Dictionary.

An old goodie.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

FAITH, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel -- Devil's Dictionary.

Dogs rule!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 2, 2019:

I have yet to see a sign that says curb your cat.

I sincerely don't know which teams are playing in it this year.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 1, 2019:

I refuse to watch any sport unless it has scantily dressed women in it. Super bowl isn't it.

So, I have a last minute invitation/request for suggestions, and I thought I'd ask this esteemed ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 1, 2019:

Have you considered Savannah, GA? It's one of the great tourist stops in Dixie. It's a great place for history, art museums and good eats restaurants. Assuming your car doesn't break down, it's a half day trip. I'd recommend the Thunderbird Motel which is within two blocks of hop on, hop off tour bus companies. If the tour guide mentions something you'd like to check out, you can hop off and check it out. The next bus comes along in 15 minutes. Parking in Savannah is it's own hell, so the tour bus makes a lot of sense. The tour bus companies include a night time haunted Savannah tour as well. The Thunderbird is a retro motel where they give guests a moon pie and RC cola every morning and play 50's music in the parking lot during day light hours. It cost a fraction of what the downtown river walk motels charge. The River Walk district is party hardy central. Good eats, saucy women, great bars and too many places to buy t-shirts. While visiting the River Walk be sure to visit Wet Willie's and order the liquor fueled ice slushies. The Thunderbird is across the street from TWO city bus lines. One of the lines is free and takes visitors to historic district. If your car goes up in flames in the motel's parking lot, Greyhound is also across the street.

& the war continues...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 1, 2019:

Because I stay in touch with people abroad, I make it a point to translate our standards into metric. When I took Petunia abroad, she looked to me to translate degrees C to degrees F. In the states most cars have BOTH miles and kilometers on the dial. We buy our soda pop in liter bottles. We generally see the milliliters printed on bottles. Tool kits generally come with metric wrenches. It's the acres to hectares that slows me down. Um . . . how many hectares to a super Walmart? I'm guessing two.

Rock Sand.....

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 1, 2019:

Is he making a right turn or are half his break lights out?

?Who likes big butts?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 1, 2019:

Her sway back posture accents her breasts and tail feathers. It's the posture women take while wearing high heels to stay upright.

God I miss cuddles.. sometimes the best part of sex..

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 1, 2019:

It applies for me but only with naked women until they cut off my circulation by laying on my arms.

Interesting and makes me feel good about having no love of eating oysters.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Feb 1, 2019:

I used to snorkel along an oyster reef, dive knife in hand. As I removed the little sewage suckers off the reef, a parade of marine life followed me to get the scrapes of smaller marine life I'd crushed in the process as well as finding a bone crushing moray eel or two. If I accidentally opened an oyster, I'd cut it open and eat it raw on the spot. Best oysters ever come direct from the fresh from the sea. I would throw them down my gullet where they'd die in my belly, screaming in unholy agony. At the end of harvest, I'd take my sack of oysters to my friends. They would throw a party. They'd pop them in the oven. Once the oysters had been roasted, they popped open. The time I showed up, my belly was full but I shucked a few open for the topless raw bar experience. A man who knows how to operate an oyster knife with a sack of fresh oysters and willing to share is highly valued guest at parties along the coast of the Gulf of Mexico. Not so here in the mountains. They take it as a badge of bravery to eat one oyster. When I try to feed the locals raw oysters , I have to tell them "Looks like snot but its not." I miss snorkeling for oysters because I'm far from the sea and those who eat oysters raw. Here, IF I can find oysters in the market they're expensive. The oyster knife has laid in the drawer, unused since 2004.

How do Americans celebrate the lunar new year, year of the pig?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Most Americans aren't recently arrived from Asia and therefore don't observe the lunar new year.

The new Girl Scout cookie is a hit!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

"Are they made with **real** girl scouts?" -- Wednesday Addams, Addams Family.

After being on this site for a while, I was just hit by my first deceptive 'member' who appears to ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Not a supporter of Coyote (Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics), you say? :-( See: https://www.nswp.org/timeline/event/coyote-founded-california

Words to live by.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Like that would stop anyone.

Suck it up buttercup.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Does it come with a gang plank?

We make fun of him but he is just an extremely dangerous bastard.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Might as well laugh at him. Piss him and his supporters off. He wants tighter libel laws so he can drag his critics and comedians into long term jail terms, possibly lining them up against the wall for executions.

Playing hard to get?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Is that why Kermit settled for Piggy?

Hey fellow humans .

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Hello Cory. "Fellow humans"? You sure we're not shape shifting lizard overlords? Any who, we'll be expecting "amazing free thoughts" and flashes of pithy wit from you. Be sure to visit my group at &AdultTentCampingHikingDixie It's slanted for those who find frisky women (or whatever gender trips their trigger) and want to dodge the motel, bar and restaurant bills for wild weekends. Happy hunting.

Those shadow puppets are just jokers.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Sex is one thing, sleep is personal.

Unemployed.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

On her tax form, she list occupation as "entertainer."

Exactly...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Normal? What is that?

Time to share.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

A future non-voter.

Here fido!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

I subcontract that job to Lassie.

Maybe syrup?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

**It has been proven** that if you want to nail someone to a cross, don't put the nails in their hands or they fall off.

Oh, waaah!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

If you're offended too bad because I'm a repeat offender.

It's all clear to me, NOW!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Makes sense to me.

Where the inspiration for "Alien" came from...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

It's where we get the motto Jesus died for his peeps.

You tell 'em, Mr Rodgers!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

I garden. I value manure in the garden. Put it on the mulch pile, would you?

When bible bangers CONTINUE to quote scripture after I told them I have contempt for their book, I ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Zap. You're a frog.

I have read the book of Revelations and Trump is in there alright... [politico.com]

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

. . . and I'm 664, neighbor of the beast. I ought to invite her over for round of tequila. Got to get some limes.

The polar vortex seems to be on my mind a lot lately, I wonder why?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Nope. It's the balls of the giant brass monkey. Somebody ate his shorts.

Church of Bob said they wanted a word with me.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Bob's church is known as the church of the sub genius. Their manifesto promises: SEE ANOTHER DIMENSION ON YOUR TV "Bob's" promise is to widen the scope and nature of *abnormal behavior*...to explore NEW WAYS of going over the edge *and coming back*. PLUS to *bring back those who couldn't on their own* ...to help you create the HIGHEST POSSIBLE EARNINGS from the PSYCHODYMANICS of ABNORMALITY... to turn Conspiracy-implanted personality disorders AROUND and channel them into an ILLUSION OF CREATIVITY that will *fool normals* and GET YOU SEX! As you learn more and more reliable, safe methods of Time Control, you will find your I.Q. increasing - your very cranium will seem to pulsate from within, barely able to contain the turmoil of glorious new concepts and mental skills. Soon you'll be able to withstand COMMUNICATION WITH THE *XISTS*, our *mentors in space*; you will be ready for TRANSFIGURATION into a *new physical body*, a more powerful one, built to contain the surging mental and material mutations that your brain now generates. YES - become and OVERHUMAN, a dangerous and feared superhuman of the future! Yet - because your SubGenius roots can never be forgotten - you won't be able to abuse your powers, but instead make them an unstoppable force for GOOD and JUSTICE, choosing always to defend the oppressed SubGenius wherever they may be! The world is a turkey, and "Bob" gives you the carving knife. Fear THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL no longer! Become PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE- overnight! Attain STATUS-LUCK-PROSPERITY by *blowing them off*! When you join this "Order of the Knights of Wotan," you get a mastery of *fighting skills*...good health, an attractive personality, and a WEIRD ABILITY TO INFLUENCE OTHERS! To BEND THEM to your WILL! You'll learn INCANTATIONS that lead to MASTERY over FISCAL PLANES... the OCCULT TECHNOLOGY of FINANCE POWER ...E-Z ways to borrow money - from *other people who don't have it either!* Source: http://www.sacred-texts.com/eso/bob/subman.htm

Some assembly required.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Allen wrench is the standard tool to build yourself an IKEA car.

Alive and well.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

As Calvin explains . . ,

Alive and well.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

After 2,000 years, he's still dead Jim.

Those shadow puppets are just jokers.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 31, 2019:

Should you ask why couples prefer king size beds?

Get your timer out!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

Kissing what parts? Are they particular about the genders involved playing suck face?

I liked this. I don't know if it's been here yet.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

There's chicken in Campbell's chicken noodle soup? If there is, it got in by mistake.

Toilet paper and "courtesy" flush.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

. . . Modern toilet paper is much more absorbant than corncobs, pages from the Sears catalog or the phone book . . . I'm going to break your heart. Sear's general catalog was discontinued in 1993. They have special catalogs for the Christmas season. Us that have resorted to published material have to crinkle it throughly to use it. As long as you're not going to flush it, cleaning rags are superior to everything. Back two centuries ago, hooks were hung inside the outhouse for each family member's butt rag. Feel free to go "eww" now. Most of the third world washes their private parts rather than use any of the things you mentioned.

And into the forest I go to lose my mind and find my soul. Where do you go to chill?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

"Go to lose my mind and find my soul?" Of all the things I miss, my mind tops the list.

How about sharing some love with me today? I want to hit Level 7. Yes, today I'm a points whore.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

I made level seven today as well. It seems like a pointless achievement. Do they throw parties for me next? Do the dancing girls show up? Will I get invitations for couch surfing in Cuba? Discount rates at Dutch coffee houses?

Toilet paper and "courtesy" flush.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

It's to absolve themselves with turds by using excessive means to clean up.

Archaeologist Humor

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

There's guys trying to translate books that are standardized doodles.

Before Cell Phone Zombies

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

Top thing I couldn't image growing up is over hearing a phone call in a public restroom. Petunia goes into screaming fits when she hears a movie that someone is viewing in the rest room.

We all have secrets!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

I don't have one of those. However I have a drawer full of condoms in case of an emergency orgy.

Hear, hear!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

Once a person says God doesn't exist it shoots the foundations out of all religions.

Yep, that's crazy!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

How many people in the Middle East have names like Luke, Mathew and James?

Weird, isn't it?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

I wonder how many people had sex by mistake. Considering how often I see women posting about the nightmare relationships, it might be most people.

Once, twice, three times...??

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

Crank up the wind machine.

If you got to steal, steal from the best.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

Progress. There's no stopping it.

Orange is the new black.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

Have another drink Bill.

Two heads are better than one.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

He's something Homer Simpson built.

Travel Advisory gives it four stars.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

Who's been to a water park?

So I get this message from a seemingly new memberhttps://agnostic.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

His (?) profile says he's only visited this social network ONCE and he's looking for women. His e-mail says suggests his name is Susan W. Tell Susan you feel a disturbance in your shorts.

What a maroon

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

My forecast for 2019 is summed up with:

Damn ATM!!!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 30, 2019:

It was the low slung ATM that's to blame.

What are the temperatures where you are? Here it is -24°F. -51°F with wind chill.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

30f in Seneca, SC at 11:10. Before dawn it's supposed to be 25f.

THX Sound in musical notation

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

Nine part harmony?

It explains a lot.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

Here in Dixie what pulled pork **really** means is cooking a whole pig with the skin on until the meat can be pulled off the bone with a fork.

I wonder where they put that monument.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

The Freedom From Religion put their first one up in Lake Hypatia, Alabama. Some times I wonder if the locals have thrown it in the lake. Their latest one (2015) was put up in Madison, Wisconsin.

I wonder where they put that monument.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

"There are no atheists in foxholes" isn't an argument against atheism, it's an argument against foxholes.

Petunia and I have taken one sea cruise.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

I've also drug 80 pounds of luggage through the Paris metro

Whoa. Hold on there.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

I've know that gal. She would show up at on my door stop **ONLY** if the moon was half full and wanning. It's why when I'm outside at night, I always take note of the lunar phrases.

Science...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

Water killed more people than alcohol. Remember the flood?

You have spent many lifetimes letting people feed on your energy.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

Don't take everything at face value.

7 Things Mindful People Do Differently Approach everyday things with curiosity - and savor them!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

Or do unto others and split.

Coffeology: Expresso Yourself, Stay Grounded, Better Latte Than Never, Take Life One Cup at a Time, ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

Can't cut loose without my juice.

Good Morning All.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

My nightmare is driving a fully loaded rental truck with all my belongings on an icy road. Hope it isn't on your agenda.

Percentage millionaires in the US.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

It is the golden rule: those with the gold, rule. For the most part to run for congress a person needs to know those with enough campaign money to make it possible. Joe the Ditch Digger is unlikely to be rubbing elbows with the money elite at the country club.

We are living in an alternative world...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

GMOs that cross breed with other crops are the not safe. Because they aren't the same as other crops but look the same, they screw up food processors by cooking differently and tasting differently. That's the "fact" Jack. However, GMO foods are safe to eat.

Intermission...continuing with "translucency"...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

Mark your calendar: June 21st **hike naked day.**

No sneezing please lol

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

That's one way to start a brawl in school.

As a child, forced to attend vacation bible school (VBS) I asked about the same question.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

After a point, I was crossing my arms during church service and glaring. They had a banner over the pulpit that said "God is love." They didn't have a Q&A season.

They'll put the hoodoo on you: "Meanwhile, the lights inside Catland have gone out and the ...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 29, 2019:

They have counter protesters, including freaked out Christians.

1992 Mad Magazine-Why should we believe Donald Trump?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

He had to get his book ghost written. The ghost writer says it made him feel dirty.

Flight overcoming walls since 1783.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

Catch: a balloon can drift the wrong way instead across the wall.

We Cats Keep Secrets Where Your Weed is

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

They're so smart, you'll never see a team of 12 cats pulling a sled through the snow.

life is...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

The only way to win at chess is think several moves ahead. The further ahead one thinks, the more likely they are to win. Chess master Bobby Fisher thought 21 moves ahead. I play the game **badly.**

Solving the shutdown problem

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

It has been proven difficult to can the clown.

Are you a Moon Child? If you like this post you might like Hippie Land. Feel free to check it out.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

NEVER walk barefoot. It's the surest way to find broken glass and locate where the huskies go. Otherwise, I'm a moon child. Not sure it's a good thing.

that will do it !

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

As if the guy is going to list all 200 channels and what's on them.

Aging just sux

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

Old age isn't for sissies.

What have you been in facebook jail for?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

Jail? I got everyone here beat. They deactivated my account and refuse to let me activate a new one. I had told a gal on Facebook that "true Christians" exist in theory but not in reality, just like the argument that "No true Scotch man would . . . " When they make those kind of claims the an individual example is never cited because they don't exist. Mr. Anon, one of the head knockers, called my reply hate speech.

Our racist 45 in action!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

I hadn't heard about that "bunch of rich white kids" getting invited to the White House. Source please.

Give it a few years.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

Remember guys it gets worse if you marry a bunch of 'em.

Opening all those little packages was the hard part.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 28, 2019:

The man cave, where I keep the tom cat's box, smells better. Cat licks his butt more.

So wrong.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

**Evil!** Not all that easy to clean up afterwards either.

Wow what a surprise

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

Have you met Trump supporters?

Oldie but goodie

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

That killed my urge to get a late night snack.

More like orange but I get the idea

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

Snort.Snort. Giggle. Giggle.

Bet it's loaded.. with meat.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

Available in Canada. Their commercial is a knee slapper. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_h8VF-6GcVg

Good Morning Everyone! Pour your cup of whatever! Cold and sunny in NH todaay! Watching the Patriots...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

I refuse to watch any sport that doesn't feature women in skimpy attire. Every once in a while, I moan for the return of the women's wrestling. Football is a sport where the beefcakes pat each other on the butt. Logically, only gays and women ought to be watching that and I'm neither.

Are you a bitch according to Madonna's definition? Are you tough, ambitious and know what you want?

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

There is no comparison between a female dog and ambition. It's a motto feminists make up.

The Art of the Deal w Nancy Pelosi

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

Despite what everyone thinks, Donald Trump's book was written by a ghost writer who regrets it. See: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/07/25/donald-trumps-ghostwriter-tells-all

The ferry to my island home this morning. I make a point of bringing them coffee and donuts.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

What happened to the guy with the kayak?

Yoga With Man's Best Friend! [youtu.be]

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

Gosh folks. I'm speechless.

Why didn't I do this when I was in public school? On second thought I shouldn't ask.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

If a student wants to **sound** religious and refuse to do the pledge, the best excuse is to say allegiance to a THING, such as a flag, is idolatry. Most students bleat the pledge; they don't say it.

[youtu.

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

I need to start baking the quiche. Already had my yellow stone ground cheese grits with an eight ounce ounce mug of hot, brain rattling, espresso. Now I can face up to washing last night's dishes. "I'm in love with a man with dish pan hands," says Petunia.

All together now!

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

One of Doctor Demento's favorite songs.

And the wheel keeps turning...

WonderWartHog99 comments on Jan 27, 2019:

I always wanted to know where are the illustrations for that book.