Not sure about my new sat nav.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on May 15, 2022:

Maybe cheetah & shut it off.

Zealandia replies on May 18, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada At least you don’t find them boaring….I thought the Lion pun was pushing it a bit in the groan factor…

Not sure about my new sat nav.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on May 15, 2022:

Maybe cheetah & shut it off.

Zealandia replies on May 18, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Very amoosing…

Not sure about my new sat nav.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on May 15, 2022:

Maybe cheetah & shut it off.

Zealandia replies on May 18, 2022:

The sat sav was clearly Lion….

I asked the waiter if my pizza would be long. He said, “No, it’ll be round.”

FrayedBear comments on May 11, 2022:

What a square! Here in Oz they just throw them at you like a frisbee whether in square or round box. Some now match the shape of the box but New Zealanders, like with their disappeared glass milk bottles, are probably wondering how that can be achieved.

Zealandia replies on May 12, 2022:

@FrayedBear Judging by earlier comments, your kiwi mate sounds like a real character. Isn’t the Sally Army looking after him now? He was way ahead of his time re the prediction of glass bottles phasing out. Presumably you remember the tyrant Rob Muldoon? He seriously considered building nuke power stations. Paperwork was secret, only discovered when he stepped down. He also triggered a constitutional crisis, you have to be pretty special to achieve that. Oz is the one intending to build nuke powered subs, that won’t be allowed into NZ waters under current legislation! NZ electricity generation is 80% renewable, Oz is 24%. I actually thought Oz would be higher than that.

I asked the waiter if my pizza would be long. He said, “No, it’ll be round.”

FrayedBear comments on May 11, 2022:

What a square! Here in Oz they just throw them at you like a frisbee whether in square or round box. Some now match the shape of the box but New Zealanders, like with their disappeared glass milk bottles, are probably wondering how that can be achieved.

Zealandia replies on May 11, 2022:

@FrayedBear More imported help moving to Oz now the borders are reopening, if the local media are to be believed. I haven’t seen milk bottles or round pizza boxes here. Checked online, can’t get milk bottles delivered in my area. Probably because it’s a peninsula and not worth the drive in and out. I tried a Domino’s five buck pizza recently for the heck of it, wasn’t very impressed. Bizarrely, Apple patented a round pizza container. I thought that they had better things to do: https://www.theverge.com/2017/5/16/15646154/apple-pizza-box-patent-come-on

Outstanding in its field.

FrayedBear comments on May 11, 2022:

Looks like the usual Australian road worker only now they have to wear day-glow uniforms & traffic has slow to at least 40 kph if not come to a stanstill so that you are forced to see them doing bugger all - even when they've gone home for the night or weekend!

Zealandia replies on May 11, 2022:

I know the feeling. Ratio seems to be one person working and two watching sometimes.

Sweet dreams with a bite.

FrayedBear comments on May 5, 2022:

Is it different to humans told to count sheep?

Zealandia replies on May 5, 2022:

We’re probably way down the list of preferred meals for sharks anyway.

I’m reading a book on the history of glue.... I can’t seem to put it down.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Apr 30, 2022:

Are any pages stuck together? Or is it just a very binding tale?

Zealandia replies on Apr 30, 2022:

Not sure, the story is a bit tacky at times though.

Toll Booths are nothing but Bill Gates.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Apr 28, 2022:

With windows!

Zealandia replies on Apr 28, 2022:

That are prone to crashing, for no known reason.

Be careful with time machines.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Apr 27, 2022:

So time got past her, did it?

Zealandia replies on Apr 27, 2022:

Yeah, she wasn’t too hot on the appliance science.

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.

waitingforgodo comments on Apr 23, 2022:

They love pavlova.

Zealandia replies on Apr 24, 2022:

Yep, it makes them drool.

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.

K9Kohle789 comments on Apr 23, 2022:

If you are sitting down eating a meal they bark to draw you away from the food and think abandoned food is up for grabs. Don't be fooled; dogs are always trying to one up you.

Zealandia replies on Apr 24, 2022:

My sister’s dog once put an entire muffin in its mouth at the dinner table when it thought no one was watching…. I saw it though and alerted my sister. At the command of “give” it returned the food.

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Apr 23, 2022:

Nosy....they want to know who is calling on their humans. Then they can tail wag approval, or growl their disapproval.

Zealandia replies on Apr 24, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yeah, it’s a hilarious video. The dog only stops when it’s gently touched by the door.

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Apr 23, 2022:

Nosy....they want to know who is calling on their humans. Then they can tail wag approval, or growl their disapproval.

Zealandia replies on Apr 23, 2022:

For a four legged visitor, it’s always polite to wipe their feet at the door: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YWSI4LgC9Q

Why was Cinderella so bad at sports? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach!

Zealandia comments on Apr 13, 2022:

Squash was optional.

Zealandia replies on Apr 14, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Here’s coach, his nickname is Patch.

I tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Apr 13, 2022:

And you just glow with the knowledge.

Zealandia replies on Apr 14, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada To be eclipsed by my looking for the moon, although my interest in that waxes and wanes.

I tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Apr 13, 2022:

And you just glow with the knowledge.

Zealandia replies on Apr 13, 2022:

That comment just made my day.

"Doctor, Doctor, I have a hoarse throat.

Zealandia comments on Apr 13, 2022:

Will cough stirrup help to rein it in?

Zealandia replies on Apr 13, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Hope you don’t pull too long a face over that.

A man walks into a bar and orders the latest, seasonal beer.

Zealandia comments on Apr 11, 2022:

Made a pour decision there.

Zealandia replies on Apr 11, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada You should have seen the guy’s face, it was a pitcher.

I lost an electron. You really have to keep an ion them.

FrayedBear comments on Apr 4, 2022:

V.loud groan.🤣

Zealandia replies on Apr 11, 2022:

@FrayedBear As you know, election called for May 21st. ScoMo’s chances don’t look very good.

I lost an electron. You really have to keep an ion them.

FrayedBear comments on Apr 4, 2022:

V.loud groan.🤣

Zealandia replies on Apr 7, 2022:

@FrayedBear Ta for the video. Bit of an eye opener. I didn’t know that ScoMo was linked to Brian Housto.

I lost an electron. You really have to keep an ion them.

FrayedBear comments on Apr 4, 2022:

V.loud groan.🤣

Zealandia replies on Apr 7, 2022:

@FrayedBear Is that bloke a mate of yours? https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-australia-61019541

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Actually, it’s more of a wrap

waitingforgodo comments on Apr 7, 2022:

"Quesadilla Day"?

Zealandia replies on Apr 7, 2022:

That’s pretty corny.

I was hoping to take some leftovers from the party, but my plans were foiled.

FrayedBear comments on Apr 5, 2022:

Cheapskate party givers. I hope it wasn't a byo party!

Zealandia replies on Apr 7, 2022:

@FrayedBear I did bring a plate though!

I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Apr 1, 2022:

And on, and on, and on.......

Zealandia replies on Apr 5, 2022:

Putin them in, one after the other….

I lost an electron. You really have to keep an ion them.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Apr 4, 2022:

And don't charge in with all neutrons either.

Zealandia replies on Apr 5, 2022:

I’ll try and be positron about it.

I lost an electron. You really have to keep an ion them.

FrayedBear comments on Apr 4, 2022:

V.loud groan.🤣

Zealandia replies on Apr 5, 2022:

@FrayedBear No one I know in Oz has a good word to say about him.

I lost an electron. You really have to keep an ion them.

FrayedBear comments on Apr 4, 2022:

V.loud groan.🤣

Zealandia replies on Apr 4, 2022:

I just realised that ScoMo has a federal electron coming up in May, you’d better keep an ion that!

I took part in the sun tanning Olympics: I just got Bronze.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Apr 1, 2022:

Golden is so over-rated.

Zealandia replies on Apr 3, 2022:

So are melanomas, come to think of it.

What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?

Zealandia comments on Mar 31, 2022:

Both are annoyed by a shortage of chips.

Zealandia replies on Apr 1, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada One likes the chips fried, the other doesn’t.

Ask yourself if it’s wise to eat at Sam and Ella’s diner?

FrayedBear comments on Mar 30, 2022:

Not as bad as at Typhoid Mary's - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Mallon She was kept in solitary for 20 years!

Zealandia replies on Mar 31, 2022:

@FrayedBear Must admit that the US Presidency powers are somewhat overrated. Something to do with the checks and balances built in by the Founding Fathers.

Ask yourself if it’s wise to eat at Sam and Ella’s diner?

FrayedBear comments on Mar 30, 2022:

Not as bad as at Typhoid Mary's - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Mallon She was kept in solitary for 20 years!

Zealandia replies on Mar 30, 2022:

Thanks for the link. It’s an interesting story. There’s a restaurant in the USA called Sam & Ella's Chicken Palace. Although it sells pizza. I’m not making this up.

NZ police pick up suspected accomplice after a ram raid at a shopping centre.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 27, 2022:

What's the main breed over there?

Zealandia replies on Mar 27, 2022:

Apparently about two thirds of sheep here are New Zealand Romney.

NZ police pick up suspected accomplice after a ram raid at a shopping centre.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 27, 2022:

Did they butt heads over it?

Zealandia replies on Mar 27, 2022:

Nah, the perpetrators are definitely ending up behind baaas.

NZ police pick up suspected accomplice after a ram raid at a shopping centre.

waitingforgodo comments on Mar 27, 2022:

Garbled police communication seemed to indicate she was on the lam when arrested. It's understand the accused was known to the police, having spent some time behind bars. Baa-ed company ewe think, sheepishly. Once that lamb was in his arms it was love at first bite. ...

Zealandia replies on Mar 27, 2022:

All’s wool that ends wool.

I was never a fan of San Andreas. It’s not my fault.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 25, 2022:

Hardly surprising after https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_2011_Christchurch_earthquake

Zealandia replies on Mar 26, 2022:

@FrayedBear You are fortunate.

My friend, a lawyer, stole my tuxedo after my wedding.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 24, 2022:

So you'll be tie-d up for awhile?

Zealandia replies on Mar 26, 2022:

Hard to judge, hopefully I won’t wig out

I was never a fan of San Andreas. It’s not my fault.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 25, 2022:

Hardly surprising after https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_2011_Christchurch_earthquake

Zealandia replies on Mar 26, 2022:

Yes, my friend experienced the Christchurch earthquake. Not a pleasant experience at all. I lived right on the Wellington fault in the suburb of Thorndon years ago, the micro quakes used to literally jolt me awake sometimes. The primal energy of the shocks were always disturbing. .

I was never a fan of San Andreas. It’s not my fault.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 25, 2022:

So no 🎸🎵 shakin' all over 🎶🎷 for you.

Zealandia replies on Mar 26, 2022:

No faults where I live, literally! I lava all the nearby volcanoes….

My dogs are called Rolex and Breitling. They’re watchdogs.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 23, 2022:

And they'll clock anyone who says different.

Zealandia replies on Mar 24, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Any burglars will be wound up and get the tock of their life, when the dogs spring into action.

New Zealand is one of the remotest countries in the world.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 22, 2022:

And only 2 hands..........sigh.......

Zealandia replies on Mar 24, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yep, put your best foot forward on that one….luckily the remote is digit al.

My dogs are called Rolex and Breitling. They’re watchdogs.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 23, 2022:

And they'll clock anyone who says different.

Zealandia replies on Mar 24, 2022:

I was thinking of calling the dogs Timex and Swatch, but it just doesn’t have the same ring to it, eh?

New Zealand is one of the remotest countries in the world.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 22, 2022:

And only 2 hands..........sigh.......

Zealandia replies on Mar 23, 2022:

Shared out with the family…..it’s the single people who struggle.

New Zealand is one of the remotest countries in the world.

Julie808 comments on Mar 22, 2022:

Then I'd guess Hawaii is the most "slippery" state in the U.S. Most of us own several pairs of slippers haha! I've got some for everyday, some for the beach, some for dancing, some for elegant dresses, even thick soled slippers for running through rain puddles. ;-)

Zealandia replies on Mar 23, 2022:

@FrayedBear As a teenager, I recall handmade leather sandals being sold that had car tyre tread soles. I puzzled over how the tyre treads were flattened out for the sandals though.

New Zealand is one of the remotest countries in the world.

Julie808 comments on Mar 22, 2022:

Then I'd guess Hawaii is the most "slippery" state in the U.S. Most of us own several pairs of slippers haha! I've got some for everyday, some for the beach, some for dancing, some for elegant dresses, even thick soled slippers for running through rain puddles. ;-)

Zealandia replies on Mar 22, 2022:

@FrayedBear Plus essential footwear for those kiwis who have never been able to learn how to tie a shoelace either! I had a chunky version in my younger days, lasted for years.

New Zealand is one of the remotest countries in the world.

Julie808 comments on Mar 22, 2022:

Then I'd guess Hawaii is the most "slippery" state in the U.S. Most of us own several pairs of slippers haha! I've got some for everyday, some for the beach, some for dancing, some for elegant dresses, even thick soled slippers for running through rain puddles. ;-)

Zealandia replies on Mar 22, 2022:

Here’s a NZ pair of jandals….

New Zealand is one of the remotest countries in the world.

Julie808 comments on Mar 22, 2022:

Then I'd guess Hawaii is the most "slippery" state in the U.S. Most of us own several pairs of slippers haha! I've got some for everyday, some for the beach, some for dancing, some for elegant dresses, even thick soled slippers for running through rain puddles. ;-)

Zealandia replies on Mar 22, 2022:

Yeah, kiwis wear those too, they’re called jandals. The name Jandal was created from a combination of the words Japanese and sandal. I used to drive in mine when I was younger. BTW, the secondary school I attended is called “Takapuna” the name originates from Haiwaiki.

My doctor said cialis-so I did.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 21, 2022:

But did she see you?

Zealandia replies on Mar 21, 2022:

@EricJones That’s a pretty stiff schedule.

I work at a shop that was burgled.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 15, 2022:

Bit slow in NZ. We leave kindergarten and go to primary school when we're five.

Zealandia replies on Mar 20, 2022:

@FrayedBear I understand that’s the case too.

I work at a shop that was burgled.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 15, 2022:

Bit slow in NZ. We leave kindergarten and go to primary school when we're five.

Zealandia replies on Mar 20, 2022:

@FrayedBear I studied some constitutional law years ago and wrote an essay about the Magna Carta. Got a rubbish grade, mainly because I couldn’t find much info about it. America actually recognises some Magna Carta concepts. I’ve been to the site at Runnymede near Windsor a couple of times, since I lived reasonably close by. The memorial was installed by the American Bar Association. Legal, not booze, just to clarify… https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/runnymede/features/memorials-at-runnymede

I work at a shop that was burgled.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 15, 2022:

Bit slow in NZ. We leave kindergarten and go to primary school when we're five.

Zealandia replies on Mar 20, 2022:

@FrayedBear 501 allows Oz to kick people out, even if they were kids when they moved to Oz. It’s pretty tough Wasn’t a good call for Dave to move to Brizzy with his asthma then. I didn’t know anything about the Oz deserts, so had to look them up. One of them will be the Great Victoria Desert not sure of the other one.

I have a new job, telling people about the benefits of dried grapes.

Zealandia comments on Mar 19, 2022:

Hoe did you wrinkle out that job? Hopefully the work isn’t too dry.

Zealandia replies on Mar 19, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada By the way, I bought a dehydrator recently, it’s an awesome piece of kit. Have to use it loads to make it worthwhile though. Have dried cherry tomatoes, capsicums, plus apple slices so far. The apple slices tasted great. No reason why I couldn’t make my own raisins.

I have a new job, telling people about the benefits of dried grapes.

Zealandia comments on Mar 19, 2022:

Hoe did you wrinkle out that job? Hopefully the work isn’t too dry.

Zealandia replies on Mar 19, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Did they give you plenty of dates for work? Sometimes it’s only part time, not so cut and dried then.

Outstanding in its field.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 19, 2022:

And jeans don't lie.

Zealandia replies on Mar 19, 2022:

Hopefully you appreciated my joke, wanted to bring a bit of levi ty to the day.

I wanted to be a Buddhist monk, but I never got the chants.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 19, 2022:

Maybe you needed a monk - key.

Zealandia replies on Mar 19, 2022:

No need, Ohm sure that Greg or Ian can open up the door anytime.

I work at a shop that was burgled.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 15, 2022:

Bit slow in NZ. We leave kindergarten and go to primary school when we're five.

Zealandia replies on Mar 19, 2022:

@FrayedBear Dave has asthma, apparently the climate is better in Queensland. Another kiwi I knew got snagged up in Oz immigration laws whilst visiting his Mum in Brizzy and nearly ended up in a detention camp. Had major hassles attempting to leave when the Oz borders were closed. Presumably you’re aware of the 501 immigration rules?

This joke might be the last straw for some.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 17, 2022:

That's horsesterical!!!!!

Zealandia replies on Mar 18, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yep, straight from the horse’s mouth there, eh.

This joke might be the last straw for some.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 17, 2022:

That's horsesterical!!!!!

Zealandia replies on Mar 17, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada At some point I have to start reining in the excruciating puns….you might start to bridle at how I stirrup you.

This joke might be the last straw for some.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 17, 2022:

That's horsesterical!!!!!

Zealandia replies on Mar 17, 2022:

Thanks! If you didn’t like it, I would have said that it’s time to bale then… You don’t want to be saddled with poor jokes, do you?

This joke might be the last straw for some.

Cast1es comments on Mar 17, 2022:

This one's been here before .

Zealandia replies on Mar 17, 2022:

Thanks for the feedback. I do try to check using the search function to avoid repeating jokes, however it’s more tricky with graphics.

My father is a farmer who grows strawberries.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 17, 2022:

Maybe the greenhouse is made of straw?

Zealandia replies on Mar 17, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada The joke had no bite anyway. Standards are getting lower……

My father is a farmer who grows strawberries.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 17, 2022:

Maybe the greenhouse is made of straw?

Zealandia replies on Mar 17, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Case of blending stuff together.

My father is a farmer who grows strawberries.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 17, 2022:

Maybe the greenhouse is made of straw?

Zealandia replies on Mar 17, 2022:

Yes, it’s a case of people who live in glass houses can throw stones.

I work at a shop that was burgled.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 15, 2022:

Bit slow in NZ. We leave kindergarten and go to primary school when we're five.

Zealandia replies on Mar 17, 2022:

@FrayedBear Won’t mention anything about kiwis living in Queensland then, like my mate David. Incidentally, he used to live just outside of Melbourne.

I’m so excited that my wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in ...

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 16, 2022:

Oh yes, don't count your chickens before they're hatched. A lot of water should be under the bridge before doing any of it.

Zealandia replies on Mar 16, 2022:

I suppose I could just get over it and move on.

I work at a shop that was burgled.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 15, 2022:

And....dats duh troof!

Zealandia replies on Mar 16, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yes, I type responses, not write them to you.

I work at a shop that was burgled.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 15, 2022:

Bit slow in NZ. We leave kindergarten and go to primary school when we're five.

Zealandia replies on Mar 15, 2022:

Yeah, we just wanna give you Aussies a bit of a head start.

I work at a shop that was burgled.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 15, 2022:

And....dats duh troof!

Zealandia replies on Mar 15, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada I’m liking your logic there..

I work at a shop that was burgled.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 15, 2022:

And....dats duh troof!

Zealandia replies on Mar 15, 2022:

Yes, an infantile yet accurate reply.

I phoned 999 and told the call handler that two men had just broken into my house and stolen my CDs.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 14, 2022:

As opposed to the cassettes we used to have too, but both require listening for them to be useful. Trying to look for them won't work unless you can hear them too.

Zealandia replies on Mar 15, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Great time to buy if you still like that format.

I phoned 999 and told the call handler that two men had just broken into my house and stolen my CDs.

racocn8 comments on Mar 14, 2022:

How did you know that two men broke in?

Zealandia replies on Mar 15, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Because they were adults with the outlines of masculine human beings.

I phoned 999 and told the call handler that two men had just broken into my house and stolen my CDs.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 14, 2022:

As opposed to the cassettes we used to have too, but both require listening for them to be useful. Trying to look for them won't work unless you can hear them too.

Zealandia replies on Mar 15, 2022:

Yes, precisely. No one wants DVD’s anymore now either. You can buy multiple items for a few dollars from the charity shops.

I phoned 999 and told the call handler that two men had just broken into my house and stolen my CDs.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 14, 2022:

Was it a New Zealand or English operator? In Australia they dont use 999 - it's 000. I can only conclude that they cannot count that high!

Zealandia replies on Mar 14, 2022:

English number is 999, so that’s where the joke came from. I should have said…contacted emergency services…. to make the post non geographic specific. I had to double check, it’s 111 in NZ. So kiwis can’t count very high either! Zero is two syllables, presumably that’s too much verbiage for kiwis to process.

I get bitterly angry every time my cell phone dies... My therapist suggested I need an outlet.

Zealandia comments on Mar 14, 2022:

Yes, it’s difficult when you feel so powerless in that kind of situation. You’ve just got to plug in and recharge your emotions.

Zealandia replies on Mar 14, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada With one, two or three bars…Four if you’re really lucky.

I admit that I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 13, 2022:

Are you anti-freeze, or do you use that in winter.

Zealandia replies on Mar 14, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yeah, you can get charged for that.

I admit that I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 13, 2022:

Are you anti-freeze, or do you use that in winter.

Zealandia replies on Mar 13, 2022:

Yeah, oil will, although sump of my friends say I’m a dipstick for doing so.

My relationship with my chauffeur just isn’t going anywhere.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 11, 2022:

Or driving you crazy.

Zealandia replies on Mar 12, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada I was Uber polite though.

My relationship with my chauffeur just isn’t going anywhere.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 11, 2022:

Or driving you crazy.

Zealandia replies on Mar 12, 2022:

I just want him to go the extra mile, that’s all.

My fear of roses is a thorny issue.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 11, 2022:

Maybe you could ask a good bud to say boo....kay?

Zealandia replies on Mar 11, 2022:

Thanks a bunch. That’s sow great. You’re just pollen my leg, right?

My fear of roses is a thorny issue.

glennlab comments on Mar 11, 2022:

I think this joke is a plant.

Zealandia replies on Mar 11, 2022:

Yes, I soiled my plants after reading that comment.

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 10, 2022:

Whatever floats your boat.....

Zealandia replies on Mar 10, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Don’t forget the seven pairs of the clean animals and flying creatures as well. https://ncse.ngo/impossible-voyage-noahs-ark

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 10, 2022:

Whatever floats your boat.....

Zealandia replies on Mar 10, 2022:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Big enough to be two of every kind.

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 10, 2022:

Putin'll load them but will Biden husband them.

Zealandia replies on Mar 10, 2022:

He’s Biden his time.

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 10, 2022:

Whatever floats your boat.....

Zealandia replies on Mar 10, 2022:

Thought I’d test the water with that one. Obviously gives you a sinking feeling….

For Valentine’s Day, I received a bunch of flowers with the heads cut off.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 8, 2022:

Or guillotined!

Zealandia replies on Mar 8, 2022:

I felt a bit cut up about it. But rose to the occasion and decided to leaf it be.

Just found two lumps on my car battery.

Cast1es comments on Mar 5, 2022:

Just screwing around ?

Zealandia replies on Mar 6, 2022:

Following all leads there.

Just found two lumps on my car battery.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 5, 2022:

Hope you don't get over charged for fast treatment.

Zealandia replies on Mar 6, 2022:

The current pricing hertz.

My friend bought a new electric car.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 3, 2022:

Are they that unstable?

Zealandia replies on Mar 5, 2022:

@FrayedBear It’s called click and collect pretty much everywhere. I’ve used this option a couple of times recently, to make sure that I secured something on sale before the stock ran out. Plus I didn’t have the time to nip in before the price went up again.

My friend bought a new electric car.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 3, 2022:

Are they that unstable?

Zealandia replies on Mar 4, 2022:

@FrayedBear As I suspected. Oz is going to face real challenges transitioning to EV’s given the distances people travel. Was wondering, do courier firms etc drop stuff off where you are? Could you get groceries delivered? I’m still a visit the shop type person, however if in the future couldn’t get out due to mobility issues would accept buying online.

My friend bought a new electric car.

LenHazell53 comments on Mar 3, 2022:

That's an old Reliant Robin joke repurposed from the 1970s Only the Reliant Robin really did often roll over if unfortunate regularity.

Zealandia replies on Mar 3, 2022:

Yes, the Reliant Robins were well known that feature. Jeremy Clarkson demonstrated how to tip one over on Top Gear once.

My friend bought a new electric car.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 3, 2022:

Are they that unstable?

Zealandia replies on Mar 3, 2022:

Nah, the Nissan Leaf is pretty stable. More about the wordplay. My mate is on his second Leaf electric vehicle, had no problems whatsoever. Got 80,000 km out of his first one without any major repairs. He moonlights as an Uber food driver. Saves loads on transport costs. First car had a rubbish range of about 80km, so when I went out with him we’d usually have to pop by a charging station for a top up when tooling around. Most recent version is a more realistic 150 km range. I’m not sure how viable EV’s are in the more rural areas of the outback. My mate in Queensland is pretty dismissive of them. The NZ government is mulling over banning the importation of all internal combustion engines by 2032. Plus forcing all fuel driven vehicles off the road by 2050. Not sure when final decision will be made.

I’ve fallen out with my local farmer.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 2, 2022:

Maybe try ploughing through to the vegetation so you can at least eat.

Zealandia replies on Mar 3, 2022:

Yes, must try harder to grow and cultivate the friendship.

I’ve fallen out with my local farmer.

FrayedBear comments on Mar 2, 2022:

You should have baled it & got a camel instead of a leaking Wurzel Gummidge https://youtu.be/5rq7G8HFlmc

Zealandia replies on Mar 3, 2022:

The BBC did a reboot in 2019 with Mackenzie Crook, who was in Pirates of the Caribbean.

I’ve fallen out with my local farmer.

MaryChristmas comments on Mar 2, 2022:

I field for you.

Zealandia replies on Mar 3, 2022:

I furrowed my brow in disappointment.

I was getting close to retiring and offered my compost business to my son.

FrayedBear comments on Feb 28, 2022:

The old saying was "where there's dirt there's brass" originating from the black coal turned into money.

Zealandia replies on Mar 2, 2022:

@FrayedBear My sister shovelled chook poo for fundraising many years ago, can’t remember what for. So it was a kiwi thing too.

1.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Mar 1, 2022:

Blue means recycling here, so better change that one to yellow or white.....which of course makes the list pailer.

Zealandia replies on Mar 2, 2022:

Yellow lids for recycling, red bins for rubbish here. You’d think there was an international standard for that kind of thing…

I was getting close to retiring and offered my compost business to my son.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 28, 2022:

A dirty job, but some one has to do it , even a fertile minded person.

Zealandia replies on Mar 1, 2022:

Yes, no mulching around. If you work hard, you can make a pile though.

I was getting close to retiring and offered my compost business to my son.

FrayedBear comments on Feb 28, 2022:

The old saying was "where there's dirt there's brass" originating from the black coal turned into money.

Zealandia replies on Mar 1, 2022:

@FrayedBear Yes, a sound business model. The Yorkshire version of that saying is “Where’ there’s muck, there’s brass.” The honesty boxes are slowly disappearing here, according to a media report that’s mainly because people don’t pay for items now.

I was getting close to retiring and offered my compost business to my son.

Cast1es comments on Feb 28, 2022:

Add some worms to it and it will become shitty .

Zealandia replies on Mar 1, 2022:

Yeah, the shittier the better.

Vladimir Putin’s approval rate is 80%. The other 20% are missing.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Feb 24, 2022:

And presumed dead?

Zealandia replies on Feb 25, 2022:

Huh, gulag with that.