A cartoonist has been found dead. Details are sketchy.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 9, 2021:

Damn that inky darkness!

Zealandia replies on Dec 9, 2021:

Hard to find a lead on who rubbed out the cartoonist. Pretty pointless to go over the crime scene in the dark. Nothing has been ruled out yet re motives.

I once bought a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 8, 2021:

First heard that one about 1966. And it was a bet in the pub as to who had the cleverest dog.

Zealandia replies on Dec 9, 2021:

@FrayedBear That seems a bit unfair and suspect.

I once bought a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 8, 2021:

First heard that one about 1966. And it was a bet in the pub as to who had the cleverest dog.

Zealandia replies on Dec 8, 2021:

@FrayedBear That’s pretty hard treatment. Presumably he’d been warned about the consequences of his behaviour. It’s an Australian law, Section 501 of the Migration Act. https://www.internationalaffairs.org.au/australianoutlook/when-is-a-new-zealander-actually-an-australian/ One of the reasons I came back to NZ was the 5 after 50 rule, you have to be resident in NZ for five years after the age of 50 to be eligible for the National Super pension. I imagine that there’s a fair few expat kiwis who aren’t aware of the eligibility requirements. My mate in London didn’t know and thought that I was pulling his leg at first. So you could say that I made a bolt for home!

The Invisible Man married the Invisible Woman. Their children were nothing to look at.

LenHazell53 comments on Dec 8, 2021:

It didn't last she saw right through him

Zealandia replies on Dec 8, 2021:

That was crystal clear.

The Invisible Man married the Invisible Woman. Their children were nothing to look at.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 8, 2021:

What children?

Zealandia replies on Dec 8, 2021:

Old fashioned parents. Children should not be seen or heard.

I once bought a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 8, 2021:

First heard that one about 1966. And it was a bet in the pub as to who had the cleverest dog.

Zealandia replies on Dec 8, 2021:

@FrayedBear I actually didn’t know what a 501 was until I arrived back. Seems like a pretty tough law. Oz shipped back a 15 year old who apparently has no family in NZ. I met a kiwi in England who was threatened with deportation, he was living in Brisbane. His mother actually worked at the deportation centre there, she joked to him that she would pass him KFC through the mesh fence to cheer him up! Good old kiwi humour eh. He had major hassles getting back to England due to the border closures, flights kept on being cancelled. Donald flew out 24 hours before he would have been picked up and caged.

I once bought a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 8, 2021:

Fought like hammer & tongs to get away from the anvil, did he?

Zealandia replies on Dec 8, 2021:

I got it cheap. What a steel! Has a bit of a temper though.

I once bought a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 8, 2021:

First heard that one about 1966. And it was a bet in the pub as to who had the cleverest dog.

Zealandia replies on Dec 8, 2021:

@FrayedBear Turned back at the border mate, wasn’t one of those 501 deportees.

My addiction to Helium is out of control, but... No one is taking my cries for help seriously.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 7, 2021:

Yeah, well being gassy is kinda funny.

Zealandia replies on Dec 7, 2021:

Yep, it’s a lighter than air kind of feeling.

If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, that means my illegal logging business is a ...

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 6, 2021:

I guess it would prove you're not just lumbering along, or branching off.

Zealandia replies on Dec 6, 2021:

I don’t suggest taking a leaf out of my book there..

My friend who runs marathons has a fear of speed bumps on the road.

Cast1es comments on Dec 5, 2021:

There are some speed bumps that are so huge , that no matter slowly I creep over them , I sharply bottom out as I come off of them .

Zealandia replies on Dec 5, 2021:

Yeah, it wrecks the suspension and leads to big repair bills. Mate of mine lived on a street with loads of speed bumps, he wasn’t happy when he was presented with a pricey invoice for the subsequent work on the car.

My friend who runs marathons has a fear of speed bumps on the road.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 5, 2021:

As one would. An elderly friend had the engine of his Peugot that had just been serviced jump of it's mounts when leaving his doctor's car park. Never had reply from Peugot Paris but the agency did not last.

Zealandia replies on Dec 5, 2021:

I recall working as a labourer, the engine of the tractor/digger on site seized. It had just come back from a service. Further investigation established that the mechanics forgot to replace the drained oil. The garage paid for a replacement engine.

The rotation of the earth really makes my day.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 4, 2021:

Yes, minute to minute, hour by hour, light, dark, & everything in between.

Zealandia replies on Dec 5, 2021:

I should have mentioned that the rotation of the moon really makes my month too.

I put my phone under my pillow last night.

Zealandia comments on Dec 4, 2021:

Bet you had a syncing feeling when that happened.

Zealandia replies on Dec 4, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada When she was young, my sister put her tooth in a bag and tied it to her big toe so that she would be alerted when the tooth fairy visited.

I put my phone under my pillow last night.

Zealandia comments on Dec 4, 2021:

Bet you had a syncing feeling when that happened.

Zealandia replies on Dec 4, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada You needed to download the Bluetooth Fairy app..

The rotation of the earth really makes my day.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 4, 2021:

LMAO. Love it.

Zealandia replies on Dec 4, 2021:

@FrayedBear I always thought Australia 🇦🇺 was the centre of the universe.

I’m watching a fly fishing tournament at the moment. It’s Live stream.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 2, 2021:

Flowing easily past your screen?

Zealandia replies on Dec 2, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada It’s a bit of a gill-ty pleasure watching it.

I was trying to have a serious conversation with an astronaut, but she didn’t seem to understand ...

Willow_Wisp comments on Dec 1, 2021:

You tell jokes like that, when there's dozens of homeless veterinarians all over the country? Sheesh!

Zealandia replies on Dec 2, 2021:

I went to university with some veterinarian students, they seem to be doing ok at the moment.

I’m watching a fly fishing tournament at the moment. It’s Live stream.

FrayedBear comments on Dec 1, 2021:

I'll pretend that's beyond my broadcast.

Zealandia replies on Dec 2, 2021:

Didn’t reel you in, eh?

I’m watching a fly fishing tournament at the moment. It’s Live stream.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Dec 2, 2021:

Flowing easily past your screen?

Zealandia replies on Dec 2, 2021:

Just going with the flow. I understand that the viewing figures are off the scales.

How Buzz Aldrin introduces himself.

Zealandia comments on Dec 1, 2021:

I wonder what Michael Collins, third astronaut of Apollo 11 said. I buzzed Neil? He was the person who orbited the moon.

Zealandia replies on Dec 1, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Neil below me?

I don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 29, 2021:

And blow up things too.

Zealandia replies on Nov 30, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Feel a nice warm glow afterwards. The reaction is invariably positive.

I don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 29, 2021:

And blow up things too.

Zealandia replies on Nov 30, 2021:

Yep, they like to lighten things up a bit.

If a squid and an octopus distributed audio recordings on the internet, it would be called .

Zealandia comments on Nov 29, 2021:

Presumably they convert the 8 track recordings before posting them on the internet. Must be more than an arm and a leg to sort it out.

Zealandia replies on Nov 29, 2021:

@FrayedBear My friend’s brother had an 8 track player in his car, we thought that was pretty impressive. They weren’t that common. I don’t recall him having any cassettes to play though! Just had a quick look on TradeMe and couldn’t find one. So yes, your car 8 track is probably quite valuable.

I used ‘veranda’ as an expletive. It was a porch choice of words.

FrayedBear comments on Nov 29, 2021:

More bloody Kiwi accent! You're quickly shedding any English that you acquired so as to not be noticeable amongst your current locals. Not in Otara are you? 🤔

Zealandia replies on Nov 29, 2021:

@FrayedBear Am on the coast so no worries.

I used ‘veranda’ as an expletive. It was a porch choice of words.

FrayedBear comments on Nov 29, 2021:

More bloody Kiwi accent! You're quickly shedding any English that you acquired so as to not be noticeable amongst your current locals. Not in Otara are you? 🤔

Zealandia replies on Nov 29, 2021:

North Shore local.

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 26, 2021:

And all on the clumsy flame throwers.

Zealandia replies on Nov 27, 2021:

Some clown started it.

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.

FrayedBear comments on Nov 27, 2021:

That's definitely got to be said in Kiwi!

Zealandia replies on Nov 27, 2021:

Chur https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Jt54Z1jR7Q

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 25, 2021:

Oh, you're such a dreamer!

Zealandia replies on Nov 25, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Good idea, the song “Don't Sleep, I Dream” would be a reasonable choice.

Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all ten of them.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 25, 2021:

Don't let your toes know that.

Zealandia replies on Nov 25, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Especially the pinky or fifth toe. Very treacherous.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 25, 2021:

Oh, you're such a dreamer!

Zealandia replies on Nov 25, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada I’ll sleep on that one and get back to you…..

Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all ten of them.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 25, 2021:

Don't let your toes know that.

Zealandia replies on Nov 25, 2021:

Yes, they’re unreliable and I can only count on them occasionally.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 25, 2021:

Oh, you're such a dreamer!

Zealandia replies on Nov 25, 2021:

Yeah, it’s a pretty tired joke!

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, unfortunately you people didn't like it.

FrayedBear comments on Nov 23, 2021:

Exterminate, exterminate!

Zealandia replies on Nov 24, 2021:

@FrayedBear I agree, the weeping angels are pretty disturbing. I’d be out of my mind with fear if I saw them as a kid.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, unfortunately you people didn't like it.

FrayedBear comments on Nov 23, 2021:

Exterminate, exterminate!

Zealandia replies on Nov 24, 2021:

It was the Cybermen that scared me the most when I was a kid.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, unfortunately you people didn't like it.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 23, 2021:

Standard, or daylight time?

Zealandia replies on Nov 24, 2021:

Can’t tell you unfortunately, the flux capacitor malfunctioned.

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine outside my front door.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 21, 2021:

Was it mouldy, or fresh.

Zealandia replies on Nov 22, 2021:

Sorry, on a knead to know basis.

I've got a great joke about construction, but am still working on it.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 20, 2021:

Not ready to get it nailed down, or hammered home?

Zealandia replies on Nov 20, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Will be a site for sore eyes when that happens.

I've got a great joke about construction, but am still working on it.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 20, 2021:

Not ready to get it nailed down, or hammered home?

Zealandia replies on Nov 20, 2021:

No, need to improve the structure to make it more concrete. Otherwise it’ll fall down.at the punch line. The delivery is a bit slow at the moment as well. So much to think about with the logistics of these cheesy jokes…..I don’t want to look like I’m thick as a plank, you know?

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

FrayedBear comments on Nov 20, 2021:

No that's because you are now in the southern hemisphere!

Zealandia replies on Nov 20, 2021:

@FrayedBear If the magnetic poles reversed, I wouldn’t bother picking up the book.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

FrayedBear comments on Nov 20, 2021:

No that's because you are now in the southern hemisphere!

Zealandia replies on Nov 20, 2021:

Depends which way you look at it.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 20, 2021:

Maybe you'd do better with an uncle.

Zealandia replies on Nov 20, 2021:

I'm up in the air on that one.

I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.

Diaco comments on Nov 19, 2021:

This's the next level :D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSTmfBLyLdQ

Zealandia replies on Nov 19, 2021:

@FrayedBear Interesting explanation. I didn’t know what the word priapusism meant, looked it up and Ischemic priapism is apparently a medical emergency. Presumably an ambulance on standby isn’t required every time they do a show.

I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.

Diaco comments on Nov 19, 2021:

This's the next level :D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSTmfBLyLdQ

Zealandia replies on Nov 19, 2021:

I wonder if they play at Members only clubs?

I once got fired from my job at a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 18, 2021:

Probably no ideas pouring from you either, huh?

Zealandia replies on Nov 18, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yes, I left zest in time, it was too much of a g-rind.

I once got fired from my job at a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 18, 2021:

Probably no ideas pouring from you either, huh?

Zealandia replies on Nov 18, 2021:

Unfortunately, I couldn’t handle the pressure. The job didn’t apeel anyway.

It’s expensive swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 16, 2021:

And the skin off your back.

Zealandia replies on Nov 17, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yeah, kind of like an amuse-bouche.

It’s expensive swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 16, 2021:

And the skin off your back.

Zealandia replies on Nov 16, 2021:

Plus your nose, whilst you’re on that topic.

Why does the milk stool only have 3 legs? Because the cow has the udder.

Zealandia comments on Nov 14, 2021:

I wasn't a-moo-sed. That’s whey too cheesy.

Zealandia replies on Nov 14, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada We Gouda take the good with the bad.

Why does the milk stool only have 3 legs? Because the cow has the udder.

Zealandia comments on Nov 14, 2021:

I wasn't a-moo-sed. That’s whey too cheesy.

Zealandia replies on Nov 14, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada It could have been legend-dairy, unfortunately you fell at the final curdle.

My friend walked into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 12, 2021:

And they won't raise the bar for anyone, no matter how loaded.

Zealandia replies on Nov 13, 2021:

Not even if you ask them to bend over backwards.

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 10, 2021:

Or a little too explosive for most people?

Zealandia replies on Nov 12, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Yes, the injuries can be life changing.

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 10, 2021:

Or a little too explosive for most people?

Zealandia replies on Nov 12, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Wow, yeah once is definitely enough. I feel for those poor people who get struck by lightning more than once. It’s not funny really.

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 10, 2021:

Or a little too explosive for most people?

Zealandia replies on Nov 12, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada One of the scariest things I ever experienced was walking home from work in a rainstorm and coming across ball lightning that then exploded. I nearly had a reaction in my pants with that one. It was terrifying. I later worked out that ball lightning is really rare, so thankfully the chances of it occurring again are negligible.

Mother: "Why did you swallow the money I gave you?

Zealandia comments on Nov 10, 2021:

Bet that answer was a bit hard to digest.

Zealandia replies on Nov 11, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Nope, still waiting to cash in. Your friend’s son will hopefully be cashing out soon.

Mother: "Why did you swallow the money I gave you?

Zealandia comments on Nov 10, 2021:

Bet that answer was a bit hard to digest.

Zealandia replies on Nov 11, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Bingo!

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 10, 2021:

Or a little too explosive for most people?

Zealandia replies on Nov 11, 2021:

I think your reply is sodium funny. In fact, my reaction was to slap my neon that one. Truly dynamite.

My friend got fired from the banana factory. He kept throwing away the bent ones.

PondartIncbendog comments on Nov 8, 2021:

In Australia they would have come back.

Zealandia replies on Nov 8, 2021:

@PondartIncbendog There’s always the Bundaberg drop bear. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hkVeemHhtc I’m just going to grab an ocker ginger beer out of the fridge. (Yep, really)

My friend got fired from the banana factory. He kept throwing away the bent ones.

PondartIncbendog comments on Nov 8, 2021:

In Australia they would have come back.

Zealandia replies on Nov 8, 2021:

@PondartIncbendog Pretty lonely at the moment, since the borders are closed to tourists.

My friend got fired from the banana factory. He kept throwing away the bent ones.

PondartIncbendog comments on Nov 8, 2021:

In Australia they would have come back.

Zealandia replies on Nov 8, 2021:

FrayedBear will have an opinion on that one.

I don't trust the trees in the local park. They seem kind of shady.

whiskywoman comments on Nov 8, 2021:

I do love punns

Zealandia replies on Nov 8, 2021:

So do I, got it from my Mum. The worse, the better. The shadiest tree in the local park is actually my favourite one. It’s called a Moreton Bay fig tree (Australian originally, but is grown in NZ) and was planted over 100 years ago. I first went past it in a pram when I was 13 days old.

My friend got fired from the banana factory. He kept throwing away the bent ones.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 8, 2021:

A slipshod job of things for sure.

Zealandia replies on Nov 8, 2021:

There was a whole bunch of other stuff going on, plus he didn’t find the job ap-peeling anyway.

I don't trust stairs either. They're always up to something

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 8, 2021:

Or descending into the pits.

Zealandia replies on Nov 8, 2021:

Yeah, sometimes they get you down.

Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall.

Zealandia comments on Nov 7, 2021:

Depends what metric you use to define his reign.

Zealandia replies on Nov 7, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada You went the whole 8.2296 metres on that one.:)

I have a secret baking recipe for bread. It’s on a knead to dough basis.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 4, 2021:

I've baked breads for over 55 years, & I'll never tell....

Zealandia replies on Nov 5, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada I’m definitely going to copy down Mum’s recipe. I don’t think store bought shortbread uses butter anyway. Probably palm oil…. Mum sometimes sprinkles carroway seeds on, that’s her little customisation. She’s got an awesome caramel slice recipe as well.

I have a secret baking recipe for bread. It’s on a knead to dough basis.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 4, 2021:

I've baked breads for over 55 years, & I'll never tell....

Zealandia replies on Nov 5, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada That’s great looking bread. My Mum uses a shortbread recipe that she picked up in a magazine before I was born. She baked some last week. Store bought biscuits just don’t compare.

I have a secret baking recipe for bread. It’s on a knead to dough basis.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 4, 2021:

I've baked breads for over 55 years, & I'll never tell....

Zealandia replies on Nov 4, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada No loafing around when you’re in the kitchen, eh?

I have a secret baking recipe for bread. It’s on a knead to dough basis.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 4, 2021:

I've baked breads for over 55 years, & I'll never tell....

Zealandia replies on Nov 4, 2021:

Always best to keep recipes in the family…. Am on a roll here and have risen to the occasion.

Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 3, 2021:

My music taste is quite large.

Zealandia replies on Nov 4, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Never a good idea to force feed something that the other person doesn’t like.

If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you? U-R-A-BUS!

Zealandia comments on Oct 30, 2021:

Depends how you pronounce it. The second car I owned was a Subaru.

Zealandia replies on Nov 3, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Pretty impressive specs. I used to see scooters accessorised with extra rear view mirrors attached, like mod Vespas. By the time I require mobility assistance, anticipate that autonomous vehicles will be on the scene. I wouldn’t mind using them.

If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you? U-R-A-BUS!

Zealandia comments on Oct 30, 2021:

Depends how you pronounce it. The second car I owned was a Subaru.

Zealandia replies on Nov 3, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Some of the mobility scooters there are quite big and powerful.

Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 3, 2021:

My music taste is quite large.

Zealandia replies on Nov 3, 2021:

I haven’t got that much of an appetite for music. Especially jam sessions.

If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you? U-R-A-BUS!

Zealandia comments on Oct 30, 2021:

Depends how you pronounce it. The second car I owned was a Subaru.

Zealandia replies on Nov 3, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada My understanding was that you don’t need to insure mobility scooters in the uk, although it’s recommended. Road worthy scooters are a bit of a grey area there. https://www.gov.uk/mobility-scooters-and-powered-wheelchairs-rules/vehicle-tax-registration-and-insurance More details here re insurance: https://www.disabledmotoring.org/insurance/scooter-and-powerchair-insurance

If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you? U-R-A-BUS!

Zealandia comments on Oct 30, 2021:

Depends how you pronounce it. The second car I owned was a Subaru.

Zealandia replies on Nov 3, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Great that the operation was successful. Some mobility scooters can go quite quickly, don’t think that there’s a restriction on the maximum speed here. There’s a video somewhere of a person driving one on a motorway, which is a creative way of getting to the destination more efficiently. It’s possible to buy personalised plates here, any combination of six letters or numbers. My friend during student years had the plate “Shane1”, he was very proud of it.

If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you? U-R-A-BUS!

Zealandia comments on Oct 30, 2021:

Depends how you pronounce it. The second car I owned was a Subaru.

Zealandia replies on Nov 1, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada I didn’t know what a lumbar laminectomy was, so looked it up. Hopefully the operation was successful. Mobility scooter usage is in a kind of legal grey area here. You don’t need a driver’s license and lots of laws re use on the road don’t seem to apply. Maybe you can speed past the patrol car without any consequences, although I’m not suggesting you try that! Personalised plates, pretty cool that you could have them printed up. I like the puns too. NZ is probably too small for that kind of service.

You shouldn’t write with a broken pencil. It’s pointless.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Nov 1, 2021:

Yes, & we won't be lead on either.

Zealandia replies on Nov 1, 2021:

Pretty bold and graphite response….

If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you? U-R-A-BUS!

Zealandia comments on Oct 30, 2021:

Depends how you pronounce it. The second car I owned was a Subaru.

Zealandia replies on Nov 1, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada That’s a pretty tricked out mobility scooter. Like the customised plates too. They look all above ford. I suppose drinking and driving is a no-no, stick to the cherry Skoda? I checked and apparently the correct pronunciation would apparently be “You’re uh bus” ;)

I asked my dog, what's two minus two? It said nothing.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 29, 2021:

Why waste my breath saying anything if you don't think I count.

Zealandia replies on Oct 29, 2021:

That’s a bit ruff.

Dear Mathematics, grow up and solve your own problems.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 28, 2021:

And stop summing up everything. It divides everyone.

Zealandia replies on Oct 29, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Nothing further to add :)

Dear Mathematics, grow up and solve your own problems.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 28, 2021:

And stop summing up everything. It divides everyone.

Zealandia replies on Oct 28, 2021:

A useful, calculated deduction that covers the various factors in the equation. In total, equals a big plus, not a minus.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

LiterateHiker comments on Oct 27, 2021:

My ancestor, Edward Doty, came over on the Mayflower. He shot the first duel in America. No one got hurt. The two combatants were punished by being tied together at their chests for two days in the Plymouth jail. They had to cooperate. This is in the record.

Zealandia replies on Oct 27, 2021:

Very interesting. I’ve been to the pub in London that overlooks where the Mayflower was moored on the Thames river, before it sailed to America. Apparently it’s the only pub in the uk that still has the right to sell both Royal Mail and American stamps. For sailors to use. https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/the-mayflower-pub-london-england

I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.

anglophone comments on Oct 26, 2021:

So your refrigerator enlisted the support of your mouth to add inches to your girth?

Zealandia replies on Oct 26, 2021:

Yep, it’s an enabling device.

I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 25, 2021:

One has a cold, uncaring personality, & the other is full of hot air.

Zealandia replies on Oct 26, 2021:

Yes, it’s appliance science.

An opera singer said she could teach me how to hit high C.

Zealandia comments on Oct 25, 2021:

Did you give a tenor for the singer’s time?

Zealandia replies on Oct 25, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Clearly opera singing is your aria of interest.

My partner said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

FrayedBear comments on Oct 25, 2021:

That's not a lunge. It's attempted suicide if you're not in practice.

Zealandia replies on Oct 25, 2021:

Could be a step backwards.

I'm terrified of elevators, so I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 23, 2021:

I'll make sure I don't stair at you while you do them.

Zealandia replies on Oct 23, 2021:

Appreciate that, otherwise it escalates the situation.

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 22, 2021:

Nor the other eyebrow......wouldn't crack a smile either.

Zealandia replies on Oct 22, 2021:

I wouldn’t pay lip service as well.

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

waitingforgodo comments on Oct 22, 2021:

Botox should be frowned upon.

Zealandia replies on Oct 22, 2021:

Only the people who disapprove can frown.

I shot a man with a paintball gun. Just to watch him dye.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 21, 2021:

That must have put you in the pink.

Zealandia replies on Oct 21, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Was feeling a little bit blue actually…

I shot a man with a paintball gun. Just to watch him dye.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 21, 2021:

That must have put you in the pink.

Zealandia replies on Oct 21, 2021:

The other player was green with envy.

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it's only mild.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 20, 2021:

Oh that's so old.

Zealandia replies on Oct 20, 2021:

Yeah, that grated, eh…

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it's only mild.

Marionville comments on Oct 20, 2021:

My addiction is older…it’s Vintage!

Zealandia replies on Oct 20, 2021:

No whey.

A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 20, 2021:

Or you'll see red.

Zealandia replies on Oct 20, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada That’s a five star response. Sicled my funny bone.

A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 20, 2021:

Or you'll see red.

Zealandia replies on Oct 20, 2021:

And hammered home.

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 18, 2021:

Pound their heads against a wall.

Zealandia replies on Oct 18, 2021:

Absolutely, by a 1.6km.

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

FrayedBear comments on Oct 18, 2021:

Rumour has it that you soon be able to come to Australia to be infected.

Zealandia replies on Oct 18, 2021:

@FrayedBear Probably against North Islanders. The borders are more or less sealed in various parts of the North Island, similar to what the Oz states have done. Have a mate in Melbourne, hopefully will visit him when everything settles down.

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

FrayedBear comments on Oct 18, 2021:

Rumour has it that you soon be able to come to Australia to be infected.

Zealandia replies on Oct 18, 2021:

@FrayedBear Only people who live in the South Island are allowed to visit Oz at the moment. If you want to be infected, go to the UK.

What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? "Try Sara's Tops!"

Zealandia comments on Oct 17, 2021:

The dino-stores existed for a long time.

Zealandia replies on Oct 18, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Nothing to fit Mammals then.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s something I can really see myself doing.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 17, 2021:

You just wanna see what's going on behind your back.

Zealandia replies on Oct 17, 2021:

@Lilac-JadeCanada Can be difficult looking back sometimes.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s something I can really see myself doing.

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Oct 17, 2021:

You just wanna see what's going on behind your back.

Zealandia replies on Oct 17, 2021:

Am just reflecting on that comment…..