My husband will be gone 5 years in August. I still have bad days, especially in July and August.

Zster comments on Jul 9, 2018:

August 2006 was when the scan showed "a shadow". He died 89 days later. I hate that cancer ruined autumn for me.

If this site wasn't here, what would you be doing now?

Zster comments on Jul 8, 2018:

Eating cereal.

Would you get married if you met the right person and what would the marriage actually mean to you?

Zster comments on Jul 8, 2018:

I am not sure what marriage means to me anymore. It's a promise that is easily (and frequently) broken. The religious like to wield it as a weapon. It often creates significant financial risk for one or both parties... My kids have grown, so that "need" for legality has passed. Is there any other way to assure rights when one member is hospitalized? Most hospitals state visits from family, only. Unmarried is not recognized as family.

Star Trek vs.

Zster comments on Jul 8, 2018:

FWIW, I adore both!

A post about roommates got me thinking - maybe y'all can tell me if I'm the crazy one or she was.

Zster comments on Jul 8, 2018:

Washing dishes ranks near the top of my most hated chores list. No way would I leave items out that food will be prepared on or eaten from. I would just have to wash them again prior to use. In a cabinet, things tend to stay clean for longer, to a point.

Do you prefer cats or dogs? Cats for me. : )

Zster comments on Jul 5, 2018:

I am a shameless cat person! Dogs are fine. I just have a special softness for cats.

Officially came out non binary to my inner circle.

Zster comments on Jul 5, 2018:

Sometimes, how folks respond initially changes (for the better, we can hope) as they get some time to process it. I congratulate you on this courageous milestone!

What complaint about you do you keep hearing?

Zster comments on Jul 2, 2018:

Buttercup, you sound like a text book ENFP, like me! My best match loved those fun traits in me, where his steadfastness and discernment helped to balance things out. The wrong matches for me were either threatened or frustrated by my innate personality (easy going, non-structured, spontaneous, fun loving, mischievous, etc...). Some of the most frequent complaints I hear are to slow/settle down, "be more serious", be less friendly, or be more needy. None are likely to happen, but often point to an incompatibility between us, and so are useful to pick up on.

I have a question regarding something I have noticed on some ads that I want to ask about out of ...

Zster comments on Jul 2, 2018:

I took that to mean enjoyed sex as a hobby, or more than a typical biological drive. I'd assume most enjoy sex and that the box was for some significance beyond that. Enjoying sex, IMO, is the default unless someone mentions being asexual or hypersexual in some way.

Most affectionate cat ever ??

Zster comments on Jul 2, 2018:

So cuddly! This cat's people are most fortunate!

My cat, she-ra. I love how she squeezes her fat butt in there.

Zster comments on Jul 2, 2018:

Those front paws! She looks so pleased with the arrangement!

I have three captive bred bullsnakes and I have always wanted to find one in the wild.

Zster comments on Jul 2, 2018:

What a beauty! I have one that a friend was dumping. More than likely wild caught, but not native in my location. He is the most human-interactive member of my herp menagerie!

I'm on vacation until July 10th and I'm traveling to Montana with a co-worker and her kids.

Zster comments on Jul 2, 2018:

Oh, what I would give to be asked to caterpillar sit for somebody!!!! How do you "baby" yours? Any conversation? Handling? I tend to talk nonsense to mine, when I am lucky enough to have them... (;

What's a No on The First Date?

Zster comments on Jul 2, 2018:

Lordy! These make me never want to date again!

Teeth, the one thing you need but don't want to spend money on.

Zster comments on Jul 2, 2018:

I thought a toothache = a dental emergency. If my dentist put off treatment, I'd be seeking a new dentist! Good luck! Google "dental emergency condition" or "tooth ache". If the pain is from an infection, waiting is dangerous, for your entire body. Seek treatment soon, even if it means a different dentist!

Do you think a good person is someone who never gets angry?

Zster comments on Jul 2, 2018:

I was raised to believe that adults showing anger are weak. My husband called me on it, though, saying that everyone EVENTUALLY gets mad. If one has swallowed the anger for awhile, when they do eventually blow, their target will receive a blast that's way beyond proportion for that last straw that broke the camel's back. Some expression, in real time, can be healthy. It's more about emotional balance, I think. Adults prone to frequent tantrums are not exactly attractive, either.

I'm probably the outlier here, but I think fireworks are overrated and over done.

Zster comments on Jul 2, 2018:

I doubt that I'll ever outgrow a well done show, esp to live music. I even enjoyed lighting some small fire works at home, when it so tickled my (then young) kids. I am not a fan of home fire works in general though. As my newest cat is afraid of storms, he's bound to hate the neighbors' fire crackers.

Missing you forever?

Zster comments on Jun 29, 2018:

Very true.

The Singles Group: "Anyone who is single that wants to talk to other singles.

Zster comments on Jun 29, 2018:

For specific topics, I go to topic specific groups. It's lovely, because some topics that I dislike can be largely avoided by avoiding those groups. (: I hang here to be around other singles and to discuss stuff relevant to singleness or with a single slant. If the group decides to head away from that, I can unjoin at any time.

So i had what I would call an almost date this afternoon.

Zster comments on Jun 29, 2018:

Prayer can be done so discreetly as to be unnoticable. That he felt compelled to be showy with this prayer would be a red flag for me.

Losing weight is challenging? True or false?

Zster comments on Jun 29, 2018:

True, and getting more so the older that I get. It came off a lot more easily when I was younger.

Losing weight is challenging? True or false?

Zster comments on Jun 29, 2018:

True, and getting more so the older that I get.

Deadpool 2 was awesome.

Zster comments on Jun 27, 2018:

Loved it!

So I just sneezed 7 times in a row which is normal for me, usually no less than 5.

Zster comments on Jun 27, 2018:

Yes! I am not often plagued by sneezes (left my allergies behind when I moved in '98), BUT... when I DO sneeze, it's never just 1 or 2, but more like dozens of times. Sigh.

Does anyone travel for concerts?

Zster comments on Jun 27, 2018:

Yes!! For some reason, the shows nearby always occur on weekdays, which costs me vacation OR guarantees a rough day or two at work. We've driven or flown to SC, NYC, Chicago, Indpls from our home in GA, just to catch certain groups on the weekend. (:

Needing Independence.

Zster comments on Jun 27, 2018:

I started with small steps, close to home, and, as I gathered experience and courage, branched out from there. A few fears that do not come to pass, along with some rewards that do will help your journey gather steam. I started off nervous driving across town, and now put the kids on flights out of country for family vacation! It CAN be learned. (:

Any single mom's here?

Zster comments on Jun 27, 2018:

I was widowed when my kids were ages 6 and 9. The youngest just graduated from high school. It's been a rollercoaster ride for sure, but they never doubted that I love them or have their backs. We made it! (: My solo parenthood did not start as early as yours, perhaps, but I got to set the tone of our household, just as you get to. There will be frustrating moments and rewarding happenings. Strap in and enjoy the ride! It'll pass by faster than you can imagine!

Cooking

Zster comments on Jun 26, 2018:

Grill, charcoal smoker, or camp fire. Scarce free time keeps me from it, often. So, oven/stove is second best (and often used).

I'm dreading going in to the office this morning. My job is sucking the joy out of my existence.

Zster comments on Jun 25, 2018:

I am in the same situation. I am sweating it out until my next birthday when I can take full retirement with benefits.

What Do you Think About Monday's?

Zster comments on Jun 25, 2018:

Because my sleep clock gets skewed super easily over the weekend, most Mondays start with little to no sleep which makes them dangerous for me and those around me. My goal on Monday: make it to 5PM without breaking anything.

The most disgusting food!

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Hormel canned corned beef hash. It too closely resembles the canned food that my mom served our cats.

Your favorite dog breed!

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Sight hounds: Greys, Whippets, IGs, Salukis, Borzois, Pharoah hounds, and Ibizan hounds. Of course my current dog is a cat.

Your favorite dog breed!

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Sight hounds: Greys, Whippets, IGs, Salukis, Borzois, Pharoah hounds, and Ibizan hounds.

I'm new here.

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Same ages, litter mates?

What’s for dinner

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Home made mushroom soup.

Fine. I didn't want to talk to anyone anyways.

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Priorities...

What movie should I see?

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Deadpool 2 was excellent! I guess it depends on if you like that style of humor or not (I do!). I tried to cath JP, but it was too crowded. Will try again on a different day.

Very true as it turns out

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Wow.

How I spend Sunday mornings

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Here's how I largely spend mine: (the headboard of my bed apparently provides an excellent vantage point)

Collective Soul - She Said - Lyrics - YouTube

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

This might be my personal number 1 by them. It was a hidden track on Dosage (buried with no break 1 min after "Crown". I STILL wait for it and crank it up in my car! Thanks for the memory! (:

For the last few days I've been doing a marathon of re-watching all 7 seasons of Game of Thrones.

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Agree. I greatly look forward to the prequels.

I don't know what the school curriculum teaches these days.

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

It depends on the school. My kids took a lot of AP classes and loved their lit courses, which were loaded with classics and contemporary pieces. My son emerged from the curriculum with a love of Shakespeare, both reading and acting it. We lucked out. Our mostly rural southern school managed to maintain an excellent balance of STEM, fine arts, and liberal arts.

On the lighter side, favorite ice cream flavors, anyone?

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Datk Chocolate sorbet (dairy free, Taliente); Black sesame, cardamom, and French vanilla custard.

Got my cat 2 weeks ago. Her name is Talullah, little bit over a year old.

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

She has fabulous coat color!

Got my cat 2 weeks ago. Her name is Talullah, little bit over a year old.

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

She has fabulous coat color!

[facebook.com] Having been in serious mode, I needed this. Do your cats give you these benefit?

Zster comments on Jun 24, 2018:

Life would not be as bright, catless. Mine keep us so entertained and happy!

Cleaning Cats

Zster comments on Jun 23, 2018:

Mine seem to groom all the time. My guess is that they never feel clean enough to be "done".

I'm generally eat healthy but when stressed it's coffee and potato chips?

Zster comments on Jun 23, 2018:

Stress upsets my stomach and colon. I tend to eat (or retain) way too little when stressed. ):

Just being silly

Zster comments on Jun 23, 2018:

Perhaps they are actually running in a panic, snail style...

My Favourite Stones Album

Zster comments on Jun 21, 2018:

A definite fave, esp side B.

Is Sexting ok.

Zster comments on Jun 21, 2018:

Sexting can be a fabulous way for mutually attracted adults to pass time. I've never worried about any of mine ending up anywhere. I figure there's a tremendous amount of it about. Odds are pretty low that anything would be done with mine.

Chris Isaak - Wicked Game [youtu.be]

Zster comments on Jun 18, 2018:

There are so many covers of this song, but none smolder like the original...

Ok ladies, help me out here.

Zster comments on Jun 18, 2018:

Possibilities: she's shy, self conscious, or even distracted (ear buds in, perhaps?). Funny, but shy kids who grow into shy adults are often viewed as snobs. It's like the rules changed but the child turned adult didn't.

Can you have sobriety without a higher power?

Zster comments on Jun 18, 2018:

For me, it convinced me that sobriety was possible, if we are willing to give up what we've tried before, failing, and be open to trying something else (getting out of our own way). The idea that something untried could work. Personally, I did not need that something to be a deity. I found hanging around other drunks trying to get sober helped me to.

Can we be as vague as possible when posting a video or link?

Zster comments on Jun 18, 2018:

I am used to apps that carry the title and even a thumbnail with when I paste a link. It's easy to forget that this app strips away all such information, designating itself as just "link" when one hots control-v. I usually go back and edit back in some detail.

Which one is your favorite breakfast? My favorite is eggs but also love oatmeal.

Zster comments on Jun 18, 2018:

Eggs, cold cereal, or cheese grits now and then.

Got to love some signs.

Zster comments on Jun 17, 2018:

Perhaps it goes with this...

I talk a lot of shit for someone who owns a daily pill organizer.

Zster comments on Jun 17, 2018:

You need to copyright that! I bet it would sell well on Cafe Press or Etsy.

Texting Southern Style? Can Anyone Verify These?

Zster comments on Jun 17, 2018:

Of these, I have seen OTD and BYH used. Never seen DCB, but perhaps that's because I am originally from Indiana and so see DY (damn yankee; a northerner who visited and STAYED) used a lot, instead. BHH (bless his/her heart) is seen almost daily. I guess it's easier to dis some third party, rather than the one present.

Does anyone else tent camp?

Zster comments on Jun 17, 2018:

I LOVE tent camping! In the south, it's too hot at night in the summer for it, but... come fall...

The Pythons have gone Feline

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

I SO wanted that to be a video link!

Just came across this on my bottle of Gatorade. What could the possibly modify?

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

High fructose corn syrup, with modified corn?

I’ve had a bird bath in my yard for years. Today I realized I also have a “ bird shower”.

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

Now THAT's awesome!!!

Do you and your significant other have song that is "yours"?

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

"Stand By Me" by Ben E. King came on one afternoon when I was with my very best friends, including my future (though I did not know at that time) husband. We raised our drinks, interlocking wrists, as we swayed together in a circle to the beat of the song. It was a golden moment of cameraderie. The lyrics work for dear friends as well as they later fit how we related to each other in marriage. The first dance at our wedding reception was to this song. The bridge, with swelling strings, accompanied the most magical dance of my life. Listening just now STILL makes me cry, over thirty years later. https://youtu.be/hwZNL7QVJjE

Openness with kids

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

Very open. I try to model the behaviors that I hope to teach them, behaviors that I have found help one navigate this crazy world. I try to demonstrate honesty, authenticity, warmth, patience, courage... As teens, my kids acted aloof, but their actions were a dead give away that they were soaking up all that I ever said or did!

I would like to extend a warm greeting to all those paternal figures out there who actually ...

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

Speaking as the mom of kids whose dad will never be back (cancer casualty), NEVER underestimate your importance in your children's lives! I tip my hat to dads. It's a tough job with benefits beyond imagination. Rock on, and happy father's day!

Single fathers, no respect?

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

Strange. In the widowed world that I got sucked into, widower fathers are often treated like the rarest, most wonderful beings whereas widowed women are expected to buck up and never complain. The downside: many widower dads find themselves subjected to a lot of unsolicited come ons from creepy, desperate, or predatory women. So, I guess it's a case by case thing. Moms are not better parents by default. Plenty are very messed up people, just as many dads are amazing with their kids. I am sorry that you've been subjected to unfair generalizations regarding parenting.

Would You Date Someone......

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

No. My nest is just now emptying. I've done the kid thing already.

Henlo kitter lovers! I'm new to this site.

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

Bailey, after Bailey's Irish creme (a color reference).

This is my Golden Dojo Loach.

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

I miss my Dojo SOOOOO much!!! They are silly and active like Kuhlis, but less shy and out by day. I set a larger tank to house a few, then got asked to hold fish that survived a house fire! No one sells dojos (or their weather loach cousins) anywhere near me. I am always watching though. Love on yours for me! (;

What a good idea LOL

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

I'd have to go with particolor rugs as my cats range from black to white, with brown and orange shades in between... (;

She's worrying over the dog crying next door.

Zster comments on Jun 16, 2018:

Wow, what a gorgeous photo! The backlighting combined with the posture is amazing!

Allergen in red meat linked to heart disease -- ScienceDaily

Zster comments on Jun 15, 2018:

Scary... I have at least one friend with the alpha gal allergy.

I've seen the movie before but watched 'Philadelphia' again.

Zster comments on Jun 15, 2018:

The very end rips me up. I am not sure that watching it again is an option for me. It was well done, though.

Just saw ADRIFT today....quite slow and downbeat....

Zster comments on Jun 15, 2018:

I was disappointed in "Adrift", too. Saw "Solo" and "Deadpool 2" with the kids and enjoyed both, though. Not a lot of depth, but were entertaining. Makes me grateful for my books... (:

During times of great hardship, the believers have their books, their houses of worship and their ...

Zster comments on Jun 15, 2018:

Talking it out, having even one person understand my side can be very healing. Getting out in nature soothes me, as well.

Jack White - Love Interruption - YouTube

Zster comments on Jun 15, 2018:

One of my JW faves! Thanks!

I've discovered/concluded that I really can't stand baby talk in a relationship.

Zster comments on Jun 15, 2018:

Baby talk is a definite turn off for me. A deep growling voice with an undertone of desire, on the other hand... yeowza! (;

True Facts About The Owl - YouTube

Zster comments on Jun 15, 2018:

OMG!!! I LOVE ZeFrank videos! (and owls) Thank you! (:

Warm cloths made me cry.

Zster comments on Jun 15, 2018:

I get it! I am not sure how long it's been since your loss, but such memories, in time, started to make me wistfully smile, rather than cry. I hope whatever trip you were packing for goes well.

Okay I changed the chat hours to 7am fo 6am .

Zster comments on Jun 15, 2018:

I'll probably drop in after 10PM EST and some during the weekend. Thanks!

Coffee drinkers, do you grind your beans or do you buy it already ground?

Zster comments on Jun 14, 2018:

For the lixury of a very good cup to savor, I definitely grind. The other five days of the week, when time is at a premium, I use pods (containing already ground coffee) in a Seneo machine.

What's the worst piece of advice anyone has ever given you?

Zster comments on Jun 14, 2018:

"Don't major in microbiology. It's a dying field thanks to antibiotics." (tell that to HIV, Ebola, E.coli O157:H7, Mad Cow etc)

As the years go by.

Zster comments on Jun 13, 2018:

Love it!

Long or short

Zster comments on Jun 13, 2018:

I am a fan of long, though with some sort of cut or style to it. Medium (long- ish?) lengths can be highly attractive as well, and may be more practical to take care of.

Do you have to lead a structured life ?

Zster comments on Jun 13, 2018:

I hope not! I abhor structure for the most part, but understand that for society to function, there needs to be some synchronization. Rushing to meet arbitrarily set deadlines is the bain of my existence.

What's Your Favourite TV Theme Tune?

Zster comments on Jun 12, 2018:

https://youtu.be/s7L2PVdrb_8

Star Trek Original Series Fan?

Zster comments on Jun 11, 2018:

HUGE original series fan! My dad raised me on it and it was my husband's fave show... One if my favorite episodes: "Devil in the Dark". https://youtu.be/QDlgvjotaRI

Back in the day, post-divorce, I encountered this younger woman who I had become smitten with.

Zster comments on Jun 10, 2018:

I guess it depends on the person. I've never known any women with more than one man on their lines, but I imagine it's done by some, as already indicated in a prior reply.

Do you fear people at your kid's school, neighbors, coworkers will find out that you don't believe ...

Zster comments on Jun 10, 2018:

The social back lash where I live can be severe. I honestly don't care if people like me or not, but my kids got pretty heavily bullied by both other kids (whose parents were encouraging it) and certain teachers. It also can result in firings where I work. Religious mgmt gets away with it because HR never stands up to it and the managers know how to spin false accusations. We have not been living a lie, though. We just keep our politics and private. If asked, we state that we do not attend church and end the discussion. My youngest is now done with school and I am months from being able to retire from this job. We'll be wearing our Atheist T-shirts in no time! (;

Today and everyday.

Zster comments on Jun 10, 2018:

Very true, thanks!

The ultimate home security system is having shit that no one wants to steal.

Zster comments on Jun 10, 2018:

That did not prevent my getting robbed numerous times. I never had the items that thieves wanted, but they could not tell that from outside. Sigh.

We all know washing our hand's help prevent the spread of germs.

Zster comments on Jun 10, 2018:

Sanitizers are not sterilizers. They only reduce bacterial counts, not eliminate them (if they did, surgeons would not need gloves). Microbial resistance can be acquired to darned near anything we use to thwart them. So, yes, uncontrolled use might select for more resistant populations, which can make for very difficult-to-treat infections.

What is the latest book you've read -or- What book are you reading right now.

Zster comments on Jun 9, 2018:

The Atlantis Gene" and loving it: https://www.amazon.com/Atlantis-Gene-Thriller-Origin-Mystery-ebook/dp/B00C2WDD5I I just finished "Pandemic" and "Genome", a different series by the same author. I recommend them highly if you like convoluted, don't-know-until-the-end, heavily scientific plots.

Don't leave your little girl home with the cat.

Zster comments on Jun 9, 2018:

https://youtu.be/5gbDgptNlvA

Back in April, I posted this pic of a male pileated woodpecker hunkered down during a snowstorm in a...

Zster comments on Jun 8, 2018:

I sm amazed!! I always hear them on my lot, but never see them! Thanks for sharing the baby picts with us!

Newly hatched Citheronia regalis larvae: baby hickory horned devils.

Zster comments on Jun 8, 2018:

I love hickory horned devils! I' e never seen a youngster that I am aware of... PLEASE share with us as they mature! (:

This is my son's cat, she is a Burmese.

Zster comments on Jun 8, 2018:

She looks like royalty. I adore Burmese!

Dazzle LOVES his heating pad

Zster comments on Jun 8, 2018:

What a fabulous name! Here are Bailey and Nova on their hot pads. You nuke the pads in the microwave and they stay warm for eight hours.

Hi, I hope everyone is doing well or as good as can be expected.

Zster comments on Jun 7, 2018:

If I happen to see the chat room open, I'll drop in! (: