Zster's Profile

How do you handle Christian co-workers?

Zster comments on Jan 7, 2018:

Reliosity is assumed where I work (pharma R&D company in the southern US). I keep my disbelief well hidden as my current boss has me convinced that he is not above using it as a firing offense. Anytime colleagues get going on a religious topic, I discreetly leave. I absolutely can not afford to be outed by engaging.

Is marriage too connected with religion?

Zster comments on Jan 7, 2018:

The concept of committing one's self to another is a very personal HUMAN concept that certain religions took in an attempt to control, much as they have tried to do with sexuality. Just my opinion, but sure seems like a gross overreach to me.

Do have friends to keep you entertained, or do you entertain yourself?

Zster comments on Jan 7, 2018:

I haven't been alone since 1986. Hubby and I were a tight couple with friends for ten years, then we became a couple with two kids. Since D passed in '06, it's just been the kids and I, together a LOT of the time. This fall, my nest will empty for a semester. Somehow, I suspect that the cats and I will do just fine. I might try to get out more and see if I can make some new friends or somehow keep the ones I made while the kids were in the local schools, but am fairly sure that I can keep happily busy if the friend thing fizzles. Time will tell, I guess.

Kids sometimes

Zster comments on Jan 6, 2018:

Every other weekend, or something like that?

This afternoon I was informed of my good friend’s death.

Zster comments on Jan 6, 2018:

Great friends are worth missing, and tears. I lost two unexpectedly in the last two years. They were my age. I greatly sympathize with you.

Was there a reason why you chose "Agnostic" for this site?

Zster comments on Jan 6, 2018:

The term atheist, for me, encompasses a degree of certainty. While I do not believe in a theistic deity, I am willing to consider different realities, which I cannot experience due to human limitations. Call it wishful thinking if you want, but I do not consider that aligned with staunch atheism. (note: used YOU in the generic sense, not personal)

Dating after 50

Zster comments on Jan 6, 2018:

I am right there with you! My young gay friend (an awesome set up, BTW) moved to Brazil! My attempts at dating lead to guys seeking: instant sex (I am not a by-the-third-date sort), instant marriage, instant bank account, or instant mom. The nonbeliever and left leaning thing further hurts my chances as does a general (at least with who I've encountered so far) male fear of widows (the whole cannot-compete-with-a-ghost thing). News flash! Late hubs ain't coming back, AND shall forever remain 42. I figure I will see how it goes once my nest empties. A change in geography might be in order...

Do you consider yourself an intellectual elite or just an intellectual?

Zster comments on Jan 6, 2018:

I don't care for labels myself as they are very dependent on the beholder's definition. If the amount of schooling helps set the bar, then I might get categorized as intellectual due to my dvm and grad degrees. From within my shoes, I feel pretty mainstream and average. At work, I feel less intelligent sometimes. It depends on where the measuring stick is.

What is your darkest, most difficult experience?

Zster comments on Jan 6, 2018:

Watching my husband breathe his last after an 89 day cancer battle. It was a Sunday night. Cancer in his spine had spread to the level of paralyzing his diaphragm. He could not breathe, felt like he was suffocating. The hospice nurse refused to come, thinking we were being hysterical. My mom, an RN with prior paralysis nursing experience, got to call that hospice nurse back with the announcrment when the battle was over. The nurse panicked and said we had to revive him (to cover HER ass, it seemed). I refused. Horrid as that was, it was NOTHING compared to walking to my kids' (ages 6 and 9) bedrooms at wake up time to tell them that he had passed. I would kill anyone who hurt my children so horribly. That I had to deliver such heartbreak broke a part of me that day. I had to be the one to do it as no one loves them more, but will be forever haunted by the memory.

How do you deal with anti-vaxxers?

Zster comments on Jan 6, 2018:

Call me cowardly, but I find trying to reason with antivaxxers easier than reasoning with rocks. I tend to walk away (shaking my head), much like I do with the religious. I might point out how quickly diseases that we'd had under good control (mumps, measles, whopping cough) came roaring back to relevance once vaccination rates dropped due to this (insert choice word here) movement.

What is your take on having a "higher power"?

Zster comments on Jan 6, 2018:

I have participated in programs with a similar requirement which, up front, look pretty darned religious. The fact that I had success in such programs despite my personal disbelief proves that religiosity is not necessarily a requirement for success. In fact, I think that regularly circling up with similar folks and keeping the topic front and center was as key to my making it as anything. That said, MY nonbelieving take on "higher power" was to accept that success WAS possible, despite what my experience had been up to that point. My hope for a personal win, after witnessing its possibility in others, was MY higher power. Not some door knob or random deity.

How hard is it for you to openly be Atheist in your community?

Zster comments on Jan 6, 2018:

Very, if I want to be at all part of my community, rather than an ostracized pariah. Seriously, to be openly atheist would very likely cost me my job, though the hierarchy would be smart enough to avoid the lawsuit and claim it was something else. My kids face serious wrath from teachers, peers, and other parents, ALL of which happened to my more open eldest child.

Hello and Happy New Year! First post after finding out about this site on facebook.

Zster comments on Jan 6, 2018:

Welcome to the bright side... (;

Have You Ever Had A Sexual Relationship With A Co-Worker?

Zster comments on Jan 6, 2018:

Do you mean "just sex" or dating/relationship with sex? I dated a guy at my restaurant job back in college and ended up happily married to him for twenty years. A few years later, I got intimate with a close friend at my current scientific job. I got cold feet, asked him to slow things down (he wanted a committment of marriage after three months of dating). He went ballistic, had to be escorted off of company premises, I had to file a report with HR. It was both scary and humiliating. I wished I'd never gone out with him. So, my record for work sex: awesome vs nightmare is 50/50.

Do you serve a purpose or purposely serve?

Zster comments on Jan 4, 2018:

Purpose? I'm just along for the ride (and am loving it!).

Anyone ever get the feeling you're going to be forever alone?

Zster comments on Jan 4, 2018:

Some of the very best couples I know met and married for the first time in their late thirties or forties. In each case, they were living their individual lives really well AND were not tied to the wrong person when that special one finally came along. You are coming into a wonderful age for making such connections. Don't count yourself out.

I have to admit I'm a little disappointed with how many people are on here talking about religion.

Zster comments on Jan 2, 2018:

Start some nonreligious topics. We'll chine in on pretty much anything!

What’s one thing that a religious person has ever done to make you very angry?

Zster comments on Jan 2, 2018:

Left me on the hook for a $100,000.00 loan that the church failed to pay the measly $1000 interest payment on. I tithed many times that amount! As a widowed mom of two, the $ would have had to come from my kids' college fund. I was shocked that this was done to us by so-called church friends.

Got the news that a close friend has inoperable brain cancer.

Zster comments on Jan 2, 2018:

Man, that's a tough diagnosis! I am sorry for all involved.

What makes you break out your soapbox?

Zster comments on Jan 1, 2018:

Parents choosing religion OVER their own children! Grrrrr!

White Christianity is in big trouble. And it’s its own biggest threat. - The Washington Post

Zster comments on Jan 1, 2018:

I have bern rather shocked by how quickly, and effectively, religion and politics have taken each other (and themselves) down by getting together. The nonreligious could not have damaged religion more effectively if they tried. The religious are completely destroying themselves!

Are there any New Year traditions that you celebrate?

Zster comments on Jan 1, 2018:

I have usually made both, the corned beef and cabbage per family tradition AND peas and collards per the tradition of my residential region. However, that adds up to a lot of work on my last day off before returning to work. This year, we are thinking to start a new tradition of continuing the fingerfood feast that we've typically limited to New Year's Eve. Will see how it goes!

Let’s get real in this piece: what are your dealbreakers?

Zster comments on Jan 1, 2018:

Keep in mind, this is my list based on first hand experience or lessons learned. I would not use this list to limit friends, as I generally love people. For anything particularly intimate, though, it applies. Meanness Narrow mindedness (whether from lack of understanding/intelligence or other causes) Selfishness/greed/narcissism Religiosity Laziness Rotten hygiene Drinks more than casually, drugs (incl tobacco)

Living single? Loneliness or freedom?

Zster comments on Jan 1, 2018:

Both. I've been cruising along in family mode for eleven years since my husband passed. Decision making is a breeze, and I don't have to compromise very much. On the other hand, I miss having someone to bounce my thoughts off of and to lean on when things get particularly tough. The complete absence of physicsl affection for so long has also probably made me pretty darned weird.

First thing you did this morning? January 1st

Zster comments on Jan 1, 2018:

Grabbed my aching head after waking up from a work nightmare. The sad part is that I DON'T drink alcohol. So, this is not a post revelry case. Any time my pharmacy changes lots of blood pressure or migraine medicine, I pay the price with a headache. I started a new bottle of bp meds yesterday, so this is pain is right on schedule. ):

Am I the only one who is super excited about the holidays being over?!

Zster comments on Jan 1, 2018:

I LOVE all of us being off from work or school at the same time and hate having to go back.

So what did you guys do for new years?

Zster comments on Jan 1, 2018:

Ate, a lot! I am a nondrinker and not much for crowds, so typically, I stay home with the kids and cats, eating finger foods. Just changed years. The kids went straight to bed. I cannot possibly sleep on a full stomach and not pay, so... perhaps a movie.

Should we be making plans for "when the shit hits the fan?

Zster comments on Dec 31, 2017:

I figure I would put my camping skills to good use and try to charm a few folks with skills that I lack to help increase safety and odds of survival.

Can you recommend a new hobby to me?

Zster comments on Dec 31, 2017:

Jewelry production: beading, wire work, metal or leather stamping, weaving, chain mail.

Agnostic/Ex-Religious: Was “hip” church even more boring?

Zster comments on Dec 31, 2017:

After a long hiatus from age 18 to 40, I started attending s hip little community church. The music rocked and was largely new to me, which I enjoyed. The messages were lively, even if I had to take them with a grain of salt. After attending for a few years, the music all started sounding the same and missed the mark with me. The messages boiled down to two: guilting the congregants into tithing and "bring a friend to church!", again, to increase revenue. The superficiality drove me out.

Life on other Planets? Yes or No?

Zster comments on Dec 31, 2017:

Yes, I would expect life to crop up elsewhere. It might be foreign enough for us to not even notice if we define it based on life here.

What are your plans for ringing in the New Year?

Zster comments on Dec 31, 2017:

Will stay in, eating finger foods throughout this evening and again tomorrow with the kids. Got any suggestions of what to watch , without cable or TV (we stream) to count down? In the past, we've not found much, and so have made do with out own countdown.

Single or Partnered, looking or not?

Zster comments on Dec 30, 2017:

I've been widowed for eleven years following a happy twenty year marriage. I found child rearing and dating did not mix, and so have not been actively seeking during that time. That's not to say that I would reject anyone who, despite my not looking, I might connect with during the course of living my life. Meanwhile, I am ALWAYS seeking interesting people to befriend or chat with, online or off.

I found out this morning that I lost a friend to suicide.

Zster comments on Dec 30, 2017:

Wow! What talent! It's a tremendous loss. I am sorry.

What are your thoughts about euthanasia?

Zster comments on Dec 29, 2017:

As a vet, I have witnessed agonizing ends with zero hope of survival suffered through to the bitter end. I will be forever haunted as I could have done something, but had my hands tied, legally. Regarding human euthanasia, I would be for for it IF we could somehow assure no abuse of it, which I am pretty certain can not be done. I watched my husband suffocate to death when the cancer ascended his spine to the point of paralyzing his diaphragm. We could legally do nothing to help this absolutely winless situation. Vets treat animals better.

Do you de-clutter or load-shed before a year ends?

Zster comments on Dec 29, 2017:

I used to, but lately, actually resting when off from work has been winning out.

Goals and Life plans