Fantasy vs reality

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2022:

Delusions of adequacy with the body of an over-the-hill sumo wrestler and a dick the size of a small mushroom. Can he see a vision of America? Can he see his own feet?

Sandwich surprise

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2022:

That is NOT how I remember making a "fluffernutter".

This best describes 2021.

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2022:

Good gift for someone getting a divorce.

Solid? Ehh...

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2021:

Well shit.

Good riddance!!! [the-sun.com]

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2021:

I just hope her hubby and the father of those poor kids is smart enough to get the jab and get his kids vaxxed too. Mom can't make you feel bad about it anymore, poppo, so go for it.

Men wonder where all Their money went, but here is evidence of the final destination ...

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2021:

According to legend, add a few dollars and you will come into money. ;)

Haha, nice...

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2021:

You eat the donut AND the donut eats you.

Will he be held accountable though?

zeuser comments on Dec 30, 2021:

If the Russian mob decides he's too big of a risk. they will rub his greasy orange ass out. Otherwise, I suspect he will never be held accountable.

Might be...

zeuser comments on Dec 30, 2021:

Might be, might not be. C'mon hon, you know the drill! LOL

Very good advice

zeuser comments on Dec 29, 2021:

Easier said than done. But yeah.

Glenn Kirschner - The Law's Perception Problem; When Will Justice Come for Meadows, Giuliani, ...

zeuser comments on Dec 29, 2021:

Oh man. A lot of us already understand that you don't get justice from the justice system. The current public exposure of this fact is infuriating, but predictable.

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2021:

One of so many variations of this gag - a good one. They are each just as funny every time. The classics never die. ;)

I would suggest that if you want to help @azzow2, contact him via a PM and send him a check.

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2021:

Well, if so, they got me.

At last the picture of why Trump is being protected by the CIA (i.

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2021:

This rings so true, it explains a lot of things that I suspected but could never put voice to because I didn't know *all* of the back-stories. Even the smaller scale mob operations I knew about from my past follow this sort of pattern, and it becomes clear when the events of the DJT timeline are juxtaposed, with context, what was and is still going on with CI and capo wannabe Trump. It also checks that Trump is a moron, because it doesn't take brains to be mobster (you hire smarter guys to handle the details), just shameless greed, immorality, and absolutely no regard for anyone but yourself. Thanks for posting.

Sheikh's Vacations A Sheikh was talking to his Travel Agent.

zeuser comments on Dec 27, 2021:

Can't get anything past this guy. 🙄

A good man is gone.

zeuser comments on Dec 27, 2021:

Thomas Malthus called this one a long time ago. It's a losing proposition no matter how you look at it.

Awwww, such a pity to hear...that this asshole ain't dead yet. [huffpost.com]

zeuser comments on Dec 27, 2021:

Another one bites the dust.

Christmas gift to myself. "Dream Forest" by Martha Flores.

zeuser comments on Dec 26, 2021:

That's a beautiful painting. My daughter has a friend who paints intricate scenes of woodlands (and other things), but lacquered so there are layers to provide images with depth. She shows locally here in NC. You may want to look at her instagram account if paintings like this interest you. https://www.instagram.com/spyney/ As for your framing situation, measure the painting and look around on ebay. ;) https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_from=R40=p2380057.m570.l1313=frames+for+paintings=0

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

zeuser comments on Dec 26, 2021:

So much for that "all knowing" crapola.

Well, I...just whew...

zeuser comments on Dec 24, 2021:

I think I see the problem. You don't "where" a mask, you "wear" a mask. Also, to reduce the risk of "clamedia", keep your pecker away from clams on TV. You're welcome.

Christmas giggle 🤣😂

zeuser comments on Dec 24, 2021:

Aww.

Please drive and drink tis holiday season.

zeuser comments on Dec 24, 2021:

I probably should find someone willing to drive me to drink.

Florida Man Claims to Have No Idea How Drugs Got Taped to His Penis The Associated Press reports ...

zeuser comments on Dec 24, 2021:

This is your dick. This is your dick on drugs. Any questions? LOL

Cats too.....

zeuser comments on Dec 23, 2021:

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? That's a trick question. Californians never screw in a light bulb, they screw in a jacuzzi. ;)

Biden successes outpacing anything Trump did. [youtu.be]

zeuser comments on Dec 23, 2021:

For one thing, he's a Scranton boy. Big plus there. ;)

HELP: Fellow Member Needs Help

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Done. I'll help anyone, but it's nice to be able to help one of our own.

Those who prefer democracy over fascism are concerned with the all-out effort of the GQP to up-end ...

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

If they pull some shit like that, then yeah.

I don't know if a blond guy should post this joke, here it goes anyway.

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

*sigh* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCdfYkUPvTs 'Cause everybody's gotta have somebody to look down on Prove they can be better than at any time they please Someone doin' somethin' dirty, decent folks can frown on You can't find nobody else, then help yourself to me

He said it....

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Heeeeere buddah buddah buddah!

Dewey, Cheatem & Howe would never take the case. They have standards.

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Why I oughta...

How hard is it to work out exactly what she said to him?

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

*raises hand* Ooo, I know! Call on me!

Naughty death

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Oooo, I can see his boner!

It never stops...

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Sulu, arm the torpedoes!

I don't consider this rude at all. [youtu.be]

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

I'll try my best, promise!

Some quotations from the world of American sports, mostly humorous.

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

I like how AG.com auto tagged this with a BernieSanders tag because one of the quotes was from Doug Sanders. the golfer.

The answer my friends is blowing the GQP...

zeuser comments on Dec 21, 2021:

Let's not forget the systemic impact of the deliberate republican de-funding of public education, at the federal, state and local levels, over decades. I still think that was a deliberate effort to make the American people stupid, and it continues today with their insistence on including religion in public education and resisting anything that resembles attention to racial, LGBTQ and sexist injustice over the centuries. And now they will probably get, with their UNETHICALLY PACKED SCOTUS, *taxpayer fucking money* to publicly fund religious indoctrination - but of course only when it's christian. People ask "what's wrong with this country?" The answer is all of this, plus a bunch of deadhead goobers in thrall to white supremacy and general bigotry armed to the fucking teeth looking to overthrow democracy. Never thought it would come to this, but...here we are.

An elderly couple go to their local fast food restaurant.

zeuser comments on Dec 21, 2021:

Sharing is caring. There's an adage that, in this case at least, has some bite to it.

Some of us have it worse than others!

zeuser comments on Dec 21, 2021:

It's all relative, Mr. Stocking.

Shakespeare, Hemingway, Don Martin

zeuser comments on Dec 20, 2021:

Mayor Pete FTW!

A despondent young woman who had lost her job and her house had decided to commit suicide.

zeuser comments on Dec 20, 2021:

When I tell this joke, it's the Staten Island Ferry. The good ones never get old. ;)

Poor Santa

zeuser comments on Dec 18, 2021:

Aww.

A tough interview question

zeuser comments on Dec 18, 2021:

Busted! But, you're not wrong.

One of those relationship psychics wanted to paint a picture of my future mate and this is what they...

zeuser comments on Dec 18, 2021:

You could certainly do worse.

A priest collapses and is rushed to hospital.

zeuser comments on Dec 18, 2021:

Honest mistake. Creepy, but honest.

Attached is a screen shot of a Trump solicitation.

zeuser comments on Dec 18, 2021:

From a marketing standpoint, it hits the target demographic (drooling nazi morons) right in the bullseye. Keep giving him money, you idiots.

"All our environmental problems become easier to solve with fewer people, and harder - and ...

zeuser comments on Dec 17, 2021:

He's right. I love Sir David.

This is one creepy looking Jesus.....but hopefully with his blessings, I will level up....🤠

zeuser comments on Dec 17, 2021:

And also a master of disguise? Cool. Needs some work on the nose and mouth area. *helping* Did you level up?

An average looking man walks into a bar.

zeuser comments on Dec 16, 2021:

Fare is fare.

Excuse him, a mask was mandatory

zeuser comments on Dec 16, 2021:

It gives you that much needed support. Lift and separate, dude.

“Jingoism, racism, fear, religious fundamentalism: these are the ways of appealing to people if ...

zeuser comments on Dec 16, 2021:

Sad but true. People keep falling for it, manipulators keep using it.

The greatest use of a life is to spend it on something that will outlast it. - William James

zeuser comments on Dec 16, 2021:

Unless it's a social disease. In that case, you could do better. 😏

Justified to say that

zeuser comments on Dec 16, 2021:

I generally tell people from Florida that regardless. 😜

Bad Santa.....

zeuser comments on Dec 14, 2021:

Practice makes perfect.

Well hard to be consistent. 😆

zeuser comments on Dec 14, 2021:

Yeah, definitely keep this up your sleeve for the tightasses in your circle of acquaintances. LOL

True holiday spirit!!!

zeuser comments on Dec 14, 2021:

I like that guy. Reuse and recycle, that's the ticket.

Close, but no cigar...

zeuser comments on Dec 14, 2021:

Just hold on a minute, I think they are onto something.

These guys ! 😆 [reddit.com]

zeuser comments on Dec 13, 2021:

That's hilarious!

Another job opportunity....

zeuser comments on Dec 13, 2021:

They did hang the poor bastard out to dry, so he has experience.

Far beyond obvious for a long time... WTH 🤔🤣🤔🤣🤔

zeuser comments on Dec 13, 2021:

The beaver, as usual, speaks the truth. Now to be fair, the big lie asswipes have presented what they consider to be proof, but of course when scrutinized it turns out to be just a steaming pile of orange tinged horseshit. I'm tired of these scumbags getting away with all of this, it really galls me. Maybe the beaver can get Ward to help me out here.

The Young Turks - Capitol Rioters Snitch on Republican Congressional Allies [youtube.com]

zeuser comments on Dec 13, 2021:

Well there's a shocker, who could have predicted that? <---sarcasm Pricks.

Unique Christmas lighting

zeuser comments on Dec 13, 2021:

Sometimes it's not the sleigh bells that you hear tinkling in the background.

On the 25th, after all these centuries of blithering horse shit, I think it is time for some insight...

zeuser comments on Dec 12, 2021:

Since he has carpentry skills, I see him more as taking over the toy making operation, organizing the elves, calling a general strike, and single-handedly ruining his own birthday. Because I guarantee you he's fed up with all this shit too.

Makes you wonder doesn't it?....

zeuser comments on Dec 12, 2021:

One reason I can think of is that religion gives people an excuse to refuse to do anything to help a subset of their fellow humans, especially if it inconveniences them. Atheist governance, based on logic and human need, seems like it would be a nightmare to those folks, so the result is what we are stuck with now. For the most part.

The full package

zeuser comments on Dec 12, 2021:

This one's a keeper, T.

Me at the work Christmas party! Lol!!!!

zeuser comments on Dec 12, 2021:

Work xmas parties are one of the many things I do not miss since retiring. No more of those stupid white elephant steal the gift things.

Three village women are walking home from a trip to town.

zeuser comments on Dec 12, 2021:

Maybe he's from a different joke. *helpful*

Don't do that

zeuser comments on Dec 12, 2021:

I dunno, xmas comes but once a year ya know.

They should know better

zeuser comments on Dec 11, 2021:

Scheduling snafu. Fire the intern. LOL

Innocent tree dies in the war on Christmas.... snicker [occupydemocrats.com]

zeuser comments on Dec 10, 2021:

The guy should have put a wooden cross in the middle of the tree and burned the whole damn thing down. It would have been lionized as a part of wingnut culture. Dumbasses.

He would, and it still wouldn't make any difference to his followers

zeuser comments on Dec 10, 2021:

That's the same approach other countries used to conduct foreign policy business with him when he was squatting in the White House. cf. Kim Jong-un, Putin, bin Salman, Erdogan, and Duterete.

The effects of outsourcing.

zeuser comments on Dec 10, 2021:

I didn't know that was an option!

I heard she charged two bronze coins....

zeuser comments on Dec 9, 2021:

Well it undercuts the whole narrative if Mary is just some Nazereth whore. And if the three "wise men" came to Nazereth to have their way with Mary nine months prior, wouldn't the locals have noticed that? OR..now hear me out...it *wasn't that uncommon!* Fuck, I feel like QAnon!

Last night I did the crulest thing imaginable to myself.

zeuser comments on Dec 9, 2021:

I understand it was a breakout role for Torpedo, who played Columbus the Dog in the movie.

If you like these check out memes R us and 50"s

zeuser comments on Dec 9, 2021:

It's most phallic time of the year. LOL

It's the 8th of f-ing Christmas! May the force be with you, young Jesus. 😂

zeuser comments on Dec 9, 2021:

Myrhh I have.

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas

zeuser comments on Dec 9, 2021:

Good selection, Glenn. And a timely reminder that batteries are always a thoughtful gift that keeps on giving. ;)

New German chancellor Olaf Scholz has no religious affiliation and omitted the phrase "so help me ...

zeuser comments on Dec 9, 2021:

I like this guy already.

lol, I don't know, I was bored and Photoshop was open.

zeuser comments on Dec 8, 2021:

I shy away from the crusty ones and concentrate on the creamier varieties. ;)

I think this Imam's brother is a Catholic priest

zeuser comments on Dec 8, 2021:

Not cool, you prick.

The very worst of them all……

zeuser comments on Dec 8, 2021:

Yeah, I'd like 20 stamps...oh, wait... I thought I was in the post office there for a minute. ;)

An assembly of church messages brought to you by your friendly FFRF community.

zeuser comments on Dec 8, 2021:

I'd go see the ladies who cast off clothing of every kind. In the church basement, no less.

My tree is up. Fresh and has a nice scent. Not going to decorate at all. Love it as is.

zeuser comments on Dec 8, 2021:

I'm down for your advent calendar, Bob.

Has this ever been wrong?

zeuser comments on Dec 8, 2021:

I can't speak for the other 9, but yeah.

Talk about naughty....

zeuser comments on Dec 8, 2021:

*ahem* Did you see that I have a whitish beard?

This would be a great addition to all church lobbies especially the more conservative ones.

zeuser comments on Dec 8, 2021:

Isn't this the technique Edgar G Robinson used to die in Soylent Green? Spoiler alert: soylent green is people!

A question for the geeky among us.

zeuser comments on Dec 7, 2021:

I think that would make flogging the dolphin qualify as a gateway drug.

Jesse Dollemore - DOJ Says it's Prepared to Prosecute Steve Bannon IN A SINGLE DAY!!! ...

zeuser comments on Dec 7, 2021:

Good. I'd be in favor of loading up his sentence to include hard labor and the requirement that he takes a shower, at least once. ;)

Christmas cookies....

zeuser comments on Dec 7, 2021:

Santa is probably just a little bit more careful now that we are in the golden age of edibles.

Am I the only one who thinks navy blue is a female plot against men? It’s black

zeuser comments on Dec 7, 2021:

I was always a fan of cerulean blue.

Reporter buries Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Taylor Greene with ONE SIMPLE question [youtube.

zeuser comments on Dec 7, 2021:

I continue to hold out hope that these traitors will face justice one day, or at the very least face the prospect of having to address their treason in a court of law.

Maybe they have something

zeuser comments on Dec 7, 2021:

Gotta go with the science. ;)

A woman joins a country club, and when she hears some guys talking about their golf round, she says,...

zeuser comments on Dec 6, 2021:

Ok, I legitimately laughed out loud!

CNN - Trump mocks top general at his Florida resort [youtube.com]

zeuser comments on Dec 6, 2021:

Amazing how this piece of shit is always the smartest guy and the hero in his own stories. The thing I get a kick out of is that he thinks he's fooling everybody. The thing that makes him dangerous is that he actually is fooling so many. Fuckwit.

Guys, you think it worth talking the chance?

zeuser comments on Dec 5, 2021:

That's a dirty trick. A life lesson for the young woman and probably a deviated septum for da Vinci.

I now want a box of these for our tree.

zeuser comments on Dec 4, 2021:

Technically, if you have a tree, it should say "pagan". But I'll let it slide just this one time. ;)

Remember college days?

zeuser comments on Dec 4, 2021:

It was more of an informal arrangement. We had to discontinue it due to the high level of lying and exaggeration.

Not my Christmas and no kids on lap

zeuser comments on Dec 3, 2021:

The real santa would kill you on sight.

Ladies and Gentlemen, We have a new 2021 photography winner.

zeuser comments on Dec 3, 2021:

That falls into the category of funny/not funny. Also, that guy's ass...

Oh, the horror!

zeuser comments on Dec 3, 2021:

All the same dough, bro.

Two older couples are hanging out together.

zeuser comments on Dec 3, 2021:

Sometimes all you need is a non-judgmental prompt.