While fairly young my dad told me this one:

Do you know why your poop has a point on it?
Because you (butt) hole doesn't close with a bang.

My dad was a strange bird.

I've never heard or read a "Dad" or "Father's Day" joke as sad as that is to post.

I am the Father... I make the Rules. My son wrote me when I was in Germany and he asked me if they used fahrenheit over there in Germany. He wrote it "fair and height". I can not wait for him to be a father... I got "dirt" on him.

Why a a chicken coup only have 2 doors?

If it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan.

Why do all the animals leave the jungle at 5 o'clock?
That's when the elephants jump down out of the cherry trees

Why do Cobra's have flat heads?
They didn't get out of the jungle at 5 o'clock.

Why did the psychopathic hedgehog cross the road?
'Cos it had nailed itself to the chicken!

Why did the elephant fall out of the cherry tree?
Because the psychopathic hedgehog, threw a dead chicken at it!!!!

What god has revealed to mankind.
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When I was very young, every time I would get between him and the TV:

"You're a pain, but you're not transparent"

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the Lone Ranger not knowing that Tonto was disguised as a cigarette stomped his butt.

My dad ysed to say, back in the late 60's, if these skirts get any shorter, and this wind dosen't behave, the girls are going to have two more cheeks to powder, and one more place to shave

Dad goes in to see the doctor for his yearly checkup.

Doctor: Sir, I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating.

Dad: What? But why?

Doctor: Because I'm trying to perform an exam here.

Q. Why is the Starship Enterprise like a roll of toilet paper?

A. Because it circles Uranus and looks for Klingons.

(I thought you'd never ask)

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven short years." -- Mark Twain (attrib.)

How can you tell there's elephant in your refrigerator? Footprints in the Jello.

"What's a Humane Shelter?"
"I don't know"
"A Shelter for humanes."

Clearly, my dad didn't put much effort into his humor...

How do you catch a unique rabbit? U'neak up on it!

How do you catch a tame rabbit? 'tame way.

Dad to his son: "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and dumb.

Want to hear a cat joke? Just kitten.

Hear about the new book, The Yellow RIver? It's written by I. P. Freely.

'I'm going to take a shower.'
'Be sure to put it back when you're done.'