I recently got a message from a woman saying she wanted to meet me. after a couple text's I asked to meet for coffee and she answered not now. She texted me next day and said she didn't live near me , she lived in another state (900 miles away) and was thinking of moving to my state. ???

There is no need to lie when you are trying to find a date online, this is where you can put in what you actually want in a date and see if it is actually out there. Now I can understand holding some stuff back until you meet in person, but if someone asks then you need to be honest. What you may think is a red flag for someone, that might be what they are attracted to and they are looking for it...but then you tell what you think they want to hear and you just missed out...

Never lie ! It will come back and bite you in the bum !

Wouldn't it be preferable to tell the truth and find the person who is OKAY with your truth? Wouldn't you be happier with that person, instead of the person you lured in on false pretenses, with whom you'd have to continue lying to, in order to keep?

There's information I wouldn't reveal in my profile that I would in more private communications, but an outright lie gives you some idea as to their integrity at the onset.

Once I know you have lied to me about anything, even something inconsequential, there is no reason for me to ever believe anything you ever say; and every reason to assume that anything you say could be a lie.

I had a longish post here, but I'm also curious what people think about things that happened 10+ years.

Some people think the number of sexual partners is absolutely and always off limits, ok would that include doing a bit of porn?

I have no felonies or any legal issues. One of my friends is a convicted sex offender, he got married last year but didn't open up about his history until the third date when it seemed like the relationship could go somewhere.

I don't have deep secrets and am very open about my past, lol largely bc I'm the most boring man in the world. If a woman won't date me bc of a threesome 20 years ago, meh IDGAF.
I'm especially curious what women I might date would hide until she got to know me. When would a woman talk about drug addiction, screwing an entire football team...I've had two female acquaintances who were prostitutes long before I ever knew them. I'd decided not to think of them romantically months before they told me about their past, but when do people think it's ok to talk about sensitive issues when first dating?

On the flip side, I've heard of couples where one had extreme abuse, omitted talking about siblings...for years or even decades. Most couples have a few little secrets, and most of those are innocent things like they'll eating McDonald's, playing the lotto...crap their partner wouldn't care about even if it came up.

People are very different on these issues.

I keep saying to people "If you don't lie, how the hell are you supposed to lead an honest life?" Everybody lies about something to someone sometimes and usually more than most of us realize. So sure, it depends the lie. There's good as well as bad lies.

I think you're just trying to justify your snobbery about people living off your taxes. This is a spin off of your last post.

To lie is a breach of trust and a betrayal of self. Wish it was rarer...

I don't approve under any circumstance.

I met a man who seemed like a great fit on his profile. We had a nice dinner and conversation. Near the end of dinner he confessed that he had lied on his profile that he was actually four years older. I told him I had a wonderful evening but I had to go.
Why? Because I am honest on my profile.. even about my weight! If you hope to develop mutual respect you cannot start out with dishonesty. If he was going to lie about something insignificant as age, what about other issues?

Lying is what children do.

If a man lies for romance he is just trying to get laid. If a woman lies for romance it is usually about money.

What is the point of lying? Had a guy once lie about his age (not on a profile but in real life), his explanation being that he thought I would prefer someone closer to my age. He seemed to not understand the idea that it is my decision to date within a certain age range and that he was attempting to remove my option to do so.

I set up a profile test to see why I qas passed over. I made 2 profiles that only varied by 1 character. The true profile never got a response... the fake one got hit within 5 minutes. The real profile had a 5 which was replaced with a 6 in the fake profile.

Guess what the change meant.

If there is any thought to meeting a person from the site it's absurd to lie. It's obvious that you did and why would anyone trust you at all after that?

I'm always pretty up front and honest about who I am and what I'm about. I absolutely don't see the point in hiding something, getting emotionally attached, and have it come out later to find out it's a deal breaker.
Ask yourself this.... If it's something you feel you need to hide/ lie about to this particular person because you fear they won't accept it, should you really be considering dating them in the first place?

You can't survive much on lies

People have disparate definitions of "lying" too.

I'll never agree with my sister thinking I lied when I said I ran 5 miles when I only ran 4.7 miles.

It's also good to understand EVERYONE puts their best foot forward at first, yeah that includes you and me. About the time I get serious with a woman, we have a conversation about any skeletons that might crop up.

I've had women tell me they have an STD, they screwed 15 men in one night, specific sexual things they need or won't do, bankruptcy...and depending on the vibe I might be ok with those conversations by the 2nd date, but IME very very very few people would give someone another chance after finding out many things.

For me, if there's something in the back of her mind she's ashamed about and would try to hide from me, those are the things we should discuss. I offer women the same courtesy. Secrets grow venomous fangs in the dark, lol to paraphrase the bible, the truth shall set you free and it does feel awesome when you understand someone you care about doesn't judge you for past "sins".

Again, I have two friends and on the 3rd date he made sure she knew he was convicted of rape 24 years before. He's sober and one of the more respectful men I know now. He won't go to strip clubs bc they demean women and will help anyone. I called him at 11pm when my sump pump broke last year, he wouldn't even take . They're a great couple, but I bet 75% of women wouldn't give any rapist a chance, and I can't really argue with that attitude TBH.

Oh I could write an encyclopedia on this one but... I won't

Explaining my "other" vote: I don't expect total honesty from others so no biggie if they lie. I expect honesty from myself so not okay for me to lie on my profile.