Once again this one is about my kid.  But first, let's get the backstory out of the way.

My son is awesome.  He has a great sense of humor, most of it involves farts, pooping and butts.  He can be somewhat hyper and is very, very vocal about his place in the world.  He adores building with Legos and, I am proud to say, loves building them with me.  He has no interest in video games and plays outside no matter what the weather is like.  He is afraid of the dark, and therefore still sleeps with me, although he is rapidly growing out of that.

He tends to be sensitive and does not, unlike his father, appreciate sarcasm and tends to be very literal.  I think on that point we are extremely different and that's OK.  His favorite book at the moment is the Three Little Pigs.  I think he really likes that because, as he relates to me, the pig who builds his house out of brick is really the smart one.  It's simple, but I like that he gets that.

My boy likes to take care of me sometimes and that really concerns me.  I don't ever want him to think I need that and certainly hope that I am not projecting that need on him somehow.  It does, however, make me grateful that I am, for sure, not raising a sociopath.  My boy does have empathy.

He has several best friends at school, but our neighbor's daughter is of particular interest.  She is three years old and completely adores my son.  To say that he loves her is an immense understatement.  She is little and annoys him quite a bit.  She has destroyed many of the aforementioned Lego projects.  He protects her.  I've seen him carry her over puddles.  Help her walk up the hill to her house.  Make her a PB&J.  I've seen him admonish her at the park once for talking to a stranger.  I like that he cares so damn much but doesn't realize it.

We went to the mall to see Santa this past Christmas.  He took a list of what he wanted for Christmas and waited patiently in the line for about fifteen minutes.  When it was his turn he sat and immediately engaged with Santa.  He had tons of questions and wanted clarification on how he got to the mall etc.  During this time the impatient photographer kept trying to snap pictures and trying to get him to smile with a squeaky Nemo toy.  Then truly, this happened.  He turned directly to me and said, "Dad, can you ask that lady to stop interrupting me, I am trying to explain the Bat Cave Legos to Santa."

Our photographer disengaged, rolled her eyes and this is the picture I ended up with, them deep in conversation.  Santa was a great sport.

My kid is pretty damn awesome.

Turns out, he's gifted as well.  Going into the end of year conference I was really expecting to hear about how vocal my child is.  Perhaps some about how his clothes rarely match and the condition of his shoes.  Those of you who have a six year old can no doubt relate.  But what I got nearly knocked me for a loop.  My kid is smart, damn smart.  He tested into the second grade reading level and is tier 1 in math and science.  He is a leader.  He will probably excel in math because of his ability to reason with logic.

The Rant

Here's my issue.  I have primary custody of him.  His mom moved away and doesn't see him very often, consistently or effectively for the last three years.  That is now about to change.

I received the opinion from the Court Clinic that says that although I will remain primary custodian for my son, he now has to go to Arizona to visit his mom once a month.  I have to meet her halfway.

OK, objectively, I have no problem with this.  He loves his mom and needs to have her in his life.  If indeed she is sincere about this, it will be a really good thing for him.

Subjectively, I think the whole thing is bullshit.  Like many absent parents, I think she likes the idea of him, but somehow he is not the most important thing in her life.  I get extremely frustrated at the fact that he has to accommodate the fact that she moved 800 miles away and therefore he has to endure a 400 miles car ride every month.  He has to be around people he doesn't know in a culture he knows nothing about, in a religion with prohibitions he does not have to follow, or does he?  Why does he have to make those adjustments when it have never been part of his life, ever?  I could understand if she had been a Muslim all along.  We would have figured out some status quo from there.  And yes, I'd feel the same if she joined some Christian Cult as well.  He has the right to figure that all on his own with my objective guidance.

I also can't help wondering what, if anything, would be different if I were the one who left.  Would there be a gender bias, assuming that Mom's are better single parents?  Would I be properly admonished by the courts for running 800 miles away from my child and would I have to foot the whole bill for visitation?  Especially if I had the behavioral history that she has?

Does any of these people who are deciding on his behalf consider what this might do to his 'Gift'?  I see that he may very well have a life advantage that needs to be nurtured and carefully, very carefully taken care of.  He will have an advantage that I didn't have.  If you don't know how to take care of it, which I am consulting our family counselor about, what happens to it.  Seems much of a knife's edge that another abandonment could destroy.

I know that most of this is selfish.  I've been with him for over three years now fully without her.  I like our routines and so does he.  But I know he needs to see her and I know that as long as we are diligent, he will be OK. 

I am just feeling sad.

He's in Arizona and I just miss him a lot.

This isn't about his gift, it's about mine.