I go. I support the family member or friend. It's a non-issue. What they are doing doesn't matter, in my mind. They aren't hurting anyone (I'm talking about the average person, not the insane, out of control, fanatics). It hurts nothing to attend and makes them feel good. Not attending will more likely cause real discord in the relationship than not going will prove a point. It's not worth it. Just go, IMO.

If you are not an active participant, you can just sit there and think your own thoughts for the duration of the ceremony. You can't influence your great niece towards logic and reason if you've alienated yourself from the family because you couldn't leave your moral high horse at home for a couple of hours.

Attending ANY family events is showing support for your family and in no way harms anyone. As for religious event, attend and walk away at the finish. Attending a religious event does not validate the event, it validates your family.

I read this earlier today at work and have thought about it almost all day. One thousand percent go! You only this planet for a certain amount of time and that precious time should be used to make memories. I would trade every wasted moment I have spent in my entire life if I could get my Grandpa back for a minute just to talk with him. Cherish these moment kiss, hold, hug, love and adore your family. You won't always see eye to eye on your convictions but nothing can take away that bond of blood that flows through you and your family. So please, go and spend time with them.

As far as speaking your mind to your sister and your niece I wholeheartedly advise you to not do that. This is a special moment to them even though in all of our hearts it's extremely deceptive and wrong. Put yourself in their shoes, if they came up to you doing yours or your children's or whomevers birthday and told you how they felt and that you should do it or see it their way you'd lose your mind. Your memory would be forever tainted by this small rebellious act and instead of being a happy memory it becomes a bad one. By invitimg you they're showing they love you and they want you to be apart of this special occasion. Don't ruin this trust and love because you're going to need it in the future.

What you should do is this; go. Enjoy your time bless the occasion with happy memories and laughter. Leave with a memory you'll cherish forever and wait. Bide your time. Watch as your niece's daughter grows and plant little seeds of skepticism in her brain. Not malicious ones of course but just let her know that everyone thinks and believes differently. Tell her that in your case you believe such and such and explain to her what that means. However, you should always reinforce that she should always love her family no matter what she decides and that you love her and support her no matter what she does.

You don't win a war overnight. You win by picking and choosing the battles that will lead you to victory. Take your time, plant the seed, nurture it, and let it grow.

I try to always respect others. Hey I'd expect them to show up for an Agnostic celebration. Friends and family are just that and it sure isn't going to kill me to make someone happy at a once in a lifetime event

Attending the event does not endorse that religion. I was raised Catholic. Before I left the church, I didn't refuse to attend Lutheran, or Baptist, or Jewish events because I wasn't Lutheran or Baptist or Jewish. Why would I refuse to attend a religious event just because I'm not a member of any religion?

I am a UU and have attended Christian and Jewish weddings, confirmations, communions, brises, bar mitzvahs, funerals and memorial services. I attend to honor the person(s) being celebrated—it’s not about me or my beliefs. A person who was baptized as a kid can leave the faith as a teen or adult. The only ceremony I can no longer attend/support is the bris (ritual circumcision), which is body modification without the individual’s consent.

Absolutely I would go. I eat meat but respect my friends who are vegetarians. I allow a Muslim friend of mine to pray in my house. I don't inflict my views on others just as I don't want them to inflict their views on me. This is a wide world with lots of cultural opportunities and religion plays a part in a lot of events. If you refuse to participate based on your 'principles' you are being just as closed minded as those we think of as closed minded for being religious.

The day isn't about you - it's about your niece and the best way to prove that you support her is to put your pride aside. You don't have to say anything to her mother - doing so proves that you're not as logical as you wish your niece to be and that you're trying to make the day about you when it's not - you're being a drama queen - stop it. I'm a non-theist, it's not a secret but when I get invited I go. And participating in or witnessing the rituals (it's not the worst thing ever - my invasive surgery for diverticulitis was far worse) is nothing more than me making a contribution so I can attend the after party and eat some good food. And I can tell you one more thing - if I didn't attend the ceremony because my ego was too fragile - I wouldn't attend the after party - you're either there for your niece or you're not. One more thing, pictures are going to be taken and as your niece looks back and sees that you weren't there for her ceremony - she's gonna ask her mom why and you have no control over that narrative. Your legacy in so far as your nieces sees it is that uncle so and so was a self-centered d@@k.

If in your shoes, I agree -- go to the after party and skip the service. However, since it does not occur that often, it will make your niece happy--regardless of your thoughts and beliefs. It is more of a family thing. Be polite and avoid discussing religion for the day (yeah, sometimes its harder to do that other times). It is a waste of your time, but it is also a family thing. I go to weddings, funerals, baptisms if it a close (near by) family member. Everyone in my family avoids talking religion, politics, sport, economics with me. I can talk ad nauseum about the evils of all of these things. So all we end up talking about is the weather, how the place has changed, family gossip (which is a different kind of hell).

Just go, and enjoy the spectacle. I go to theatres, and don’t necessarily believe the stories. If asked, I am an honest and proud atheist, but not one who needs to convert others, there is a long history of thinking I am right and therefore others are wrong. It never ends well.
At a christening, 18 years ago, I was asked if I would be a god parent to the next child. I declined, saying it might be daft to promise to bring her up as a good Christian. However, there was no baptism in the end, and I became her ungod parent, a role I have cherished for the whole 18 years, taking her on holidays every year, getting her clothes when needed, and supporting her when in crises. We have ensured she celebrated every birthday, with cakes! It has been an absolute privilege and pleasure, well, until last year when she became a real shit. But then, that is teenagers for you.
The danger is letting beliefs get in the way of family and community.

I can't imagine a principle that would compel me to avoid situations which are important to friends and family

Very interesting and varied responses to my post. Thank you. It seems it depends on where we place the emphasis - personal conviction or family duty.

Go and be loving. Your actions are important since all Athiests represent our movement, another time come out to your neice. Coming out to our family and still being able to participate is vital to our community. People need to see that Athiests are not evil.

I myself have been in this position several times, and i have always attended. My friends all know my views and respect the fact that i have attended because i wish to support them on their special day. I am a grandmother and have brought my children up to think for themselves.....one son has same beliefs as me and the other one has joined the C of E. He joined the church of his own volition and that is okay with me as I believe in freedom of choice.

I agree. I think it's appalling.

It's the first signs of contamination. I would avoid going.

I wonder if these good people would attend a friend's baby's Muslim ritual. I doubt it.

It's all a fairy-tale, so it shouldn't matter. You wouldn't boycott a Santa Claus party just because he's imaginary.

I think its warranted to say a few words about it... religious indoctrination of children is pernicious and this is a first step. I think children should be left without religion, that daily life should be largely without religious observance.

By voicing your non religious beliefs to your sister, I assume she already knows your views, you’re acting just like the religious fundamentalists that spout their beliefs in unwarranted situations. Let it be. Let her have her beliefs. You do you, let them be them and just enjoy the day. Put religion aside and accept we are all different. What’s your goal here? Change her views? Wrong time, wrong place. Don’t put a wrinkle in her day. No good will come of it.

I go. I stand or sit quietly. I am there because I love my family and friends. I don't really try to change any body's mind about anything. Atheism, vegetarianism, or anything else. Except the environment. I try to change people's minds about plastics, pollution, habitat, etc. But I will say this. Even though I was raised in a religious home, even though my children and a few of my grandchildren attended parochial schools for a time, everyone one of us became agnostic/atheist over time, without any pressure or arguing. At some point each of us outgrew the need, came to the realization that is not necessary to become a good and decent person. But I also find that many of my relatives who are still very religious are good and decent people. We don't need to argue or agree about these beliefs in order to enjoy each other's company.

I attend if I’m invited and it involves my daughter.

I would go to a wedding in a church. And a funeral. That's it. I would not go to a christening. For me, that's just too much of the religiosity. If I didn't go to the ceremony, I don't know that I would go to the party after. I might ask my sister if she'd be okay with that. If she was completely on board, I might because I love get-togethers.

Your convictions are yours.
I generally no longer attend religious ceremonies of any kind.
I am completely out as an atheist to my family and friends. If I am in attendance, I'm not expected to participate in their rituals.
One suggestion I have for those who have yet to come out to their families, do it when there aren't any family events in the offing.
If you wait until there's some sort of family gathering which centers around some religious ceremony, you're asking for trouble, as there are bound to be hard feelings and recriminations.
Good luck!

An opinion you want?

Non- believers by any title are thought by most devout believers to be morally adrift. Atheists know that morality is inborn and love is instinctual. The best teacher is example. The most eloquent way to express one's morality is to live it assertively and respectfully; honestly answering why.

Would you attend a 'religious' based genital mutilation ceremony? For me, polite rejection of being a participant or supporter of rituals, initiations, etc. that are personally disturbing is a moral imperitive. For less harmful or silly custom type occasions like birthdays, Christmas parties or St. Patricks Day nonsense, I don't participate in the ritual aspects of them but don't reject being present either.

Honest, straightforward explanations to family and close friends has worked for the most part. Example has worked even better. One close, devout friend in a 'Protestant' cult has told me that he thinks I act more like a Christian than most of the people with whom he attends church.

I politely accepted the insult in the kind, loving way he meant it.

I would definitely attend as a mark of respect for other peoples beliefs. It would be very churlish
and pig headed for you to display your contempt for no good reason at all.