Just pondering about myself.
I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. Which is a blend of schizophrenia and bi-polar. I've had it since i was young, but back then they didn't have a name for it. Mostly I was always labeled as not having focus, or lazy, or lack of paying attention.

I went through years of that, but over time it got worse. After a while I became suicidal, not so much the action of doing it, but the thought of it was there alot.

after some time it got real bad and I did try ti end it all with taking a ton of pills. That didn't work, but it did give me a moment of, I would either try again, or get some help.

I chose the latter, for the most part I love life, I love to learn new things, I love to explore. So I checked myself into the mental ward at a local hospital. I didn't really learn much there, but just the fact that I was able to seek help rather than try suicide again, gave me a bit of focus, and determination.

Since then I have been through a mental health place where they set me up with a psychrist, and a therapist.

I've grown a lot, and I've learned some good tools through time that have helped me get through some things that used to terrify me.

Aside from the medication, I have learned through therapy that baby steps practiced all the time help me deal with some of the problems I deal with.

It is very hard for me to be around a few people at once. I have a long way to go with that, but one tool I've devoleped is that I take a long walk, about 2 miles there and back, and what I have been trying to do is when I pass some one coming the other way I'll wave my hand, and say Hellow.

It used to be hard, but after some practice it's becoming much easier. In fact I've gained a reputation of 'the friendly guy'.

I still have a long way to go , but I love the fact that I am making progress.

Sorry for the long winded speach, but it was something on my mind, so I thought I should post it.