What is vulnerability to you?
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Letting those I care about know that I’m wrong.
Gatovicolo
Level 8
July 8, 2018
0
Being vulnerable to me is opening yourself up to being hurt by someone else. I was talking to a woman at work and we were talking about things which hurt us in the past. She said to me "How can you ever trust again?" I only sighed deeply and explained that in my viewpoint you can only ever experience love in the exact amount of pain that you open yourself up to experiencing. You have to be vulnerable in order to experience love. If you want yourself off so that you cannot be hurt, then you are also closing yourself off to love.
I value human connections and that cannot happen unless I'm willing to connect with others first. In order to do that I have to give them something of myself, making myself vulnerable. I love life and yes sometimes there's pain. But the times when there is no pain are absolutely amazing!
Nukdookum
Level 8
July 7, 2018
0
I don't know that love is exactly equal to pain. It certainly needn't be. But it is certainly equal to some nonzero chance of pain, possibly considerable. As well as disappointments of various kinds. Along with that comes the chance for joy and transcendence and a bunch of other nice things ... hopefully reliably copious amounts thereof.
I have come to the place where I regard close relationships as investing considerable effort in mapping out and figuring out how to interact with the neuroses, hot buttons, hangups, prejudices, area of smallness, and limitations of a partner as well as their best and extraordinary qualities. And then compromising your own needs around those things so as not to be pulled down in the undertow of your partner's "shadow", nor pull them down in yours. All this while being reasonably true to yourself.
This is no small order. And it doesn't take into account the simple fact that people change, and even when it's change for the better from their perspective (personal growth) it may constitute growing apart from your perspective. The simple act of transitioning from "living together" to "making it official" can change the relationship dynamic and shift the participant's main concerns / fears, too.
It is no wonder that at least half of all marriages end in divorce, and common sense tells you that only a small minority of the ones that don't officially break down, can leave one or both partners somewhere between "settling" and profoundly disappointed.
Because of this and other factors like the gigantic investments many want to make in higher education, etc., I'm of the view that few people are well-advised to marry before their 30s, or even their 40s. You have to know yourself well and be a good judge of other's character as well, to even hope to have good results with a life partner.
Of course that's easier said than done as there are many, many pressures to hurry such things along.
If we could push average lifespan (and healthspan) out by a factor of about 2, one might have the time and energy to find a really good match. As it is -- if I could have somehow magically known at age 19 what I know now, I probably would have flown solo the whole way.
It is something to share with someone who you have mutual love and respect for.
TonyMacaroni
Level 6
July 7, 2018
0
Vulnerability is leaving yourself open to the possibility of either being attacked and/or being taken advantage of. Any time we place our trust in another, we are making ourselves vulnerable, just as we are when we reveal our inner, private thoughts and secrets. But, those are things we must do to establish a real interpersonal relationship with another. There is always a risk, but the reward is huge when the relationship is deeply reciprocal.
wordywalt
Level 9
July 7, 2018
1
It is many things. The question should be clearer, more specific.
IAMGROOT
Level 7
July 7, 2018
0
@MarilynRoman That's still pretty vague. I can be physically vulnerable (injured, not paying attention), emotionally vulnerable (giving someone my heart and having them rip it apart). How's that?
To be dumbfounded by such stupidity from one that I can't even begin to figure out the words to teach them just how silly what they have stated really is.
TristanNuvo
Level 8
July 7, 2018
0
@MarilynRoman I can mention a few. That there are some that the moon landing was a hoax, that the earth is flat. That evelolution is just a 'theory',. the list goes on and on.
That time when you over-indulged at the Korean all-you-can-eat buffet the night before and you are standing in line to the one single toilet at work the next morning at 7 am.
clarkatticus
Level 7
July 7, 2018
0
Revealing the real you. Letting a partner reveal themselves. Accepting each other for who you are. Finding happiness together like Dan and I did here.
sassygirl3869
Level 9
July 7, 2018
2
Opening yourself up to others, showing your real self. The possibilities are: being thought less of and being subjected to insult, or inspiring someone else to relate and know they are not the only one, or that they can trust you to accept their vulnerability.
Switchcraft
Level 7
July 7, 2018
2
Being open and true about yourself always makes one vulnerable to others’ predations. But it’s the only honest way to be - one just has to be careful.
KevinTwining
Level 7
July 7, 2018
3
Being easily susceptible to emotional pain.
helionoftroy
Level 7
July 7, 2018
3
@Solar1 I’m a social worker. I suffer empathy every day.
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