How many people outside of the internet could you be able to count on as an actual friend? I was looking through my FB memories and I saw a post I made about three years back. I was cleaning up some of my belongings for a temporary move, and I found my old address book; I commented on the fact that I don't know most of these people anymore except one. Fast forward three years later and he's gone. I think that's what tests a friendship, living together. It was good for at least a few months in, and then he started belittling me and then that got worse. We're both mentally ill with respective scars and triggers, and I always apologized and went out my way to make things better if I did something to set him off. He didn't. I followed the rules and respected their schedules. I paid my share of the rent on time and kept my space clean, depending on how many spoons I had going for me that day and respected the company he had over. Still, the belittling got even worse and keeping important things from me continued. Our lease was up April this year, and his husband encouraged me to start looking for a place January. Now if anyone knows, there's a housing shortage around here and I honestly busted my ass in those months leading up to moving with no luck. Now I honestly need to know why was him and his husband forcing me out in March right when I technically had a month to go? They were looking for a new place too, but when I asked how was their search going, all I got was a vague answer. Anyway I literally had no one to stay with, but by the grace of my mother's compassion, she made room for me despite my sister's family, her and my baby sister all cramped in a 3br apartment home. My so called friends never gave me a reason why I had to move so quickly by the end of March. Only his husband and his friend helped me move, meanwhile my old friend was cleaning up the minute my stuff left the room. He never bid me goodbye or said anything to me, just rushed on my side of the house to clean up and put his stuff there. In the end it was financial reasons. The whole reason why I gave up my own place and move in with them was to help them out, after a mutual friend of ours screwed them over. In the end, they claimed that I took money from them by way of food and utilities costs. Granted I did my share of waste, but they agreed for me to share dinner with them while I bought my own breakfast and lunch. No one dares say that we kept the house afloat with my income and his husband's income while he claimed he couldn't work, and he couldn't after years of working. He berated his husband, tore me down, but never did anything else but be a house husband who got gifts like appliances he barely touched and goodies like dinners out for sitting on his ass locked in his room with his dogs all day. In the end since I was taking money from them so to speak, I bought all my groceries until I moved out. We had a long and complicated history together, part of it me bailing him out of the shit he got himself into and him never thanking me once. At one time he was the friend I could count on, and now I haven't two words to say to him or his husband. They did me dirty, but I'm sure that he thinks that I was just a terrible stain, a mistake after almost 20 years of friendship. Sorry this is so long, I had to vent and probably explain why I will likely find it difficult to trust someone again enough to have a good friendship with them again.
1
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I have a few close friends, and for the most part the internet is only a tool to touch base, as we will try to talk on the phone or get together when we can. My favorite thing to use though especially with friends who live far away is Skype or Face Time so at least we can have an actual conversation as close as possible to face-to-face.
bleurowz
Level 8
July 9, 2018
0
I'm sorry you have had such a hard time. It's a shame that often you don't know who your true friends are until you face hardships. I hope you find that one positive friend you need in your life. Dont give up on people. I don't think I have a true friend. Only time will tell. I shut down my Facebook and Instagram accounts. I'm tired of fake relationships.
MrChange
Level 7
July 8, 2018
1
I think friendship is all in how one chooses to define it. I have had really good friends, although they seem to come and go. We can be close for a while and then when circumstances draw our lives down different paths - we don't always stay close. But even families can be that way. It's good to enjoy a friend while they are a part of your life and move on if that's what it comes to later.
As for your situation, I'm glad you felt free to vent. That means you've moved on from one friendship to feeling like you have friends here and that's a wonderful thing
HeraTera
Level 7
July 8, 2018
2
I don't have any friends. I have work acquaintances, a couple of which verge on friendship, but never really broke the boundary. Making friends as an adult is hard, IMO, especially when everyone has their own lives and challenges.
Alimacbean
Level 7
July 8, 2018
1
I have a lot of true friends (enough that o would feel guilty posting the number). And, some of that is luck, I happened to find a lovely secular homeschool co-op. But, a lot of it is work. I make an effort to reach out to and be there for my friends. In turn they do the same for me. A lot of people don't seem to realize that friendships don't just happen, they have to be cultivated and maintained.
Minta79
Level 7
July 8, 2018
1
I forgot to add "A true and trusted friend is someone who walks in, when the rest of the world walks out,
Nevermind345
Level 7
July 8, 2018
2
That is what is so great about this website being a place to vent. You chose a great place to start your thoughts all over and to look back, but don't stare. It was a lesson learned as you will find others on this site going through similar encounters that will make your beginning more thoughtful for both your post and those whom respond.
Nevermind345
Level 7
July 8, 2018
0
I've only felt I could trust maybe a half dozen people in my life. Unfortunately, none of them were a part of my family and all but one have let me down at least once in a really big way. I'm sure that one would have let me down if she were in my life a little longer, but it's highly unlikely we'll ever cross paths or even recognize each other at this point nearly 30 years later.
mt49er
Level 7
July 8, 2018
0
Well, the 1st thing we need to note is that the word friend is used way too loosely. Most of the people we call friends are merely acquaintances. And that's OK. That's as it should be. My actual friends, the real meaning of the word friend, is 3 or 4 people. Everyone else is a different level of acquaintance. I have close acquaintances, business acquaintances and people that are on the fringe of aquaintances.
I read these posts l, especially on Facebook, about people being upset because they don't have real friends or people are fair weather friends, those are acquaintances. And that's OK. I have close acquaintances. Those are the people I enjoy hanging out with and I go to the movies with that I might go to a night club with and I might go to a bar and catch a live band with. But I would not count on that person at 4 o'clock in the morning in a downpour to come pick me up and save me. There's only about 3 or 4 people that I know would drop everything and do that. if we stop being afraid of the word acquaintance and call people what they are, we'd all be a lot happier.
tryingcake
Level 7
July 8, 2018
4
Very well said, very true.
Enjoy being online again!
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