??????

yeah no kidding

At 16 or even 14,the girls believe they know better than their Parents,because they"Love" this young(boy) Man,he caught her eye somehow,and "Love" is in the air.

@Louise1920

I thought I was the smartest kid on the planet and didn't think my parents understood anything.

I got really good grades without trying, and excelled at things. So what?

Not until I was older, and actually got smarter, did I realize how right they were and what an idiot I was.

At 16, people are children inside grown up bodies. I see it in young people all around me.

@Athena Sure,first time sex is great,but there's consquences in doing so,the "Just this Once" without a condom or birth control,is all it takes. One of his "Swimmers" getting to her egg and suddenly,she's "Preggers".

you were a mom at 18.were you married?

@squiggy_70 why does that matter? Marriage is primarily a religious rite and has nothing to do with being a good parent.

@JenBeberstein ok lets be all cool so you raised this child on your own you were a single parent. no marrige is a legal contract. did you go to work? have day care never have a single moment with your child ?

@squiggy_70 I am not the person who said she was a mom at 18. I am a person who thinks her marital history is irrelevant to the question at hand and also irrelevant to her value as a mother or a human being.

@JenBeberstein of course. but it sure makes life a lot harder. so many reason for why this is so. marriage is an actual contract.. Being pregnant at 18 alone is a bummer

@squiggy_70 marriage may be a legal contract but it does nothing to guarantee help or love or support from the child's father. Many people violate their marriage contracts.

@JenBeberstein yeah people suck

@JenBeberstein, @squiggy_70 In answer to your question, I was not married at the time, although I was with my son’s father and we did get married eventually. But the reality is that my parents were much more parents to my son than his father was. I was able to go to college, and worked for my dad, which meant that I didn’t have to figure out how to manage child care when I couldn’t earn enough to pay for it. When I got pregnant, I expected the father to grow up and become a responsible adult, as I did. Instead, I ended up divorcing an angry, irresponsible 40-year-old teenager many years later.
On a related note, I recommend not selecting a life partner in high school.

@A2Jennifer sorry glad you had parent there. it would have been hell sorry about father too

His doing this will make her not safe there ever again

@squiggy_70 How?

@JenBeberstein how? well she is 16. that means she is part grown and still part kid.. her father is being a skivvy creep that is the real truth. and this dude just disappeared.. hence huge pedophile red flag

@squiggy_70 seems like you are overreaching. Also, by definition, pedophiles are attracted to children BEFORE the age of puberty. In my state, 16 years olds are legally allowed to consent to sex with other teens in their age range.

Sex is not dirty and that's not the push back here, I don't think?

You teach people what is acceptable based on what you allow. That's true regardless of age, but 16 is still young.

That's why it's considered "jail bait."

@Athena My comment was not in response to anybody who pushed back.

My comment was an answer to the original question and scenarios, based on my thoughts and beliefs around human and teen sexuality.

Teens ARE going to have sex. It’s a fact of life.

I believe there needs to be communication and respect and boundaries, but I have zero illusions about whether teen sex will happen. It will. I don’t see the purpose in setting her up to have to sneak around, hide, and lie to her parents or anybody else. She has a home wher she is presumably safe, respected and trusted.

She’s on pregnancy control medication. It sounds like she has a good relationship with her parents. She is in a relationship. She gets good grades which indicates at least some level of self esteem and responsibility.

Given the circumstances provided, one must ask oneself what really is a GOOD reason to [unsuccessfully try] to forbid a basic human function that feels good to her—emotionally and physically?

And what is a GOOD reason or to deny her having a close physical relationship in her own home? Simply because that’s the way it’s always been? Simply because if we wanted to have sex as teenagers, we made sure not to bring it home lest we feel the wrath in whichever form it came?

I have been in the shoes of this parent. My knee-jerk reaction was very much like many people here. No way! Not my daughter! Not in my home! You have to be older! You have to be more mature! Etc.

And I took the time to really examine what was going on with ME in my knee jerk reaction. I knew that I had sex at her age. As were 75% of my peers. I realized that my fears and being triggered had to do with my own experiences as a teen, and also my not wanting to face that my daughter was actually becoming a sexual being. That kind of has an ick factor.

But it was simply illogical to put my experiences and fears and ick factor discomfort on her and try to [unsuccessfully] protect her by forbidding her to own and enjoy her sexuality— safely, responsibly and respectfully.

Between who I am, how I raised her, how sex was never a taboo subject with cutsie terminology, how we dealt with this when it came up, and the fact that I never shamed her about being sexual, I have zero doubt that that contributed to the fact that she is able to fully enjoy every aspect of her sexuality today at 28.

We do not have to agree about this. I am simply giving my point of view, as a parent, as others have also done.

Man I sure do. she is 16. Now where does she go to be a kid ?

@BlueWave not a knee jerk reaction. it is about protecting her it is her room she is a kid. she wil go sneaking around. the definition of a shitty parent. She is too damned young . this is some dude who is a pedophile now he is gone. wonder why?

It has nothing to do with being a cool parent. Teens are going to have sex, if not allowed at home they will find somewhere else.

@JenBeberstein

If all teens are going to have sex, then having all their activities monitored is best. I see your point.

But not all teens are doing drugs, not all teens get into trouble and not all teens are having sex. I was a popular in school and was a cheerleader and I didn't, based on the messaging I got at home, and that has to start EARLY.

It wasn't about religion either. I was raised to understand what my priorities should be at each stage of life. I also would have been mortified having sex in my parents' home.

Now I have friends who have young kids and I see how they're being raised. I just don't think it has to be either/or.

@Athena all was your word, not mine. The teens who are going to have sex will find places to do it where they will be at greater risk than if they were safe in their bedrooms.

@JenBeberstein

So, following that logic, we should be letting them do drugs in their bedrooms too. It's much safer there than on the street.

@JenBeberstein

..and I was responding to your comment that all teens have sex - they don't.

@Athena even after rereading the comments, I don't see where I said ALL teens will have sex. Please show me where I said that.

@JenBeberstein

You said "Teens are going to have sex, if not allowed at home they will find somewhere else."

Teens are going to have sex? Being a teen means you're going to have sex?

This is pointless now, so I'm moving on.

@Athena You are comparing drugs to sex. Are drugs harmful to the brain? Yes. To the body? Yes. Drugs can cause addiction and possibly destroy a life and future, right? I’m not saying there is not the potential to get hurt. We have all been emotionally hurt in our lives. That will not kill her. Drugs could kill her. Let’s try to keep this apples to apples.

@BlueWave

I feel they are the same in that harm can come from both. STDs and pregnancy; irresponsible drug use or addiction.

I don't think sex is bad; never suggested it. We're talking about 16 year olds having sex in their room. I don't think either should take place (sex or drugs) at that age.

I don't use drugs and I don't drink alcohol (by choice). I was an athlete and always have been and I need to perform well. There are parents who are supplying their underaged children alcohol at parties, because kids may drink at parties and better supervised at home than away.

What do you think?

@Athena I don’t think it’s reasonable to compare addiction, potential overdose, fried brain cells and the other ill-effects of drug use to responsible and safe-as-possible sex.

Oh Good Lord, then No! Just No! I put my kid on birth control at 14 to make sure she didn't become a teen mom. I knew she was gonna have sex, of course, but I sure as hell wasn't gonna let some kid sleep over in my house in her bed. He could sneak in through her window like a normal kid.

thanks dude you put this into perspective

@BlueWave you know the drug that cause bonding between babies and nmom's women excrete this when they have sex they bond men don;t they get off

@BlueWave, @Athena thank you.

@JenBeberstein really How about teaching your kid to NOT have sex as a teen . that is like saying kids do drugs anyway so why not at home.

One of my Nieces got pregnant from her boyfriend,when told,he left her,and moved away,she went to her Parents, eventually gave birth, and stayed with them until she could find work and support herself and her child.

You know that it's not illegal for 16 year olds to have sex with each other it happens all the time

I must have missed the part where he said that his daughter was having frequent one night stands and that he is a pretty shitty parent. Is that in the original post or in a different comment that the original poster made?

it isn't acceptable thank god there is a voice in here. you are her father fer chrissake. Is she going to marry this guy? How many dicks is she gonna have shoved into her before she is of marriageable age. why not just pimp her out? if tou have an open relationship why not talk about STDs most imprtantly is how women bond due to hormone while guys just get off. Why are you so casual about your 16yo being sexually active in the first place' where is her motheris all this??

talking aout oral sex with your daughter makes him a sleaze and pedophile

@squiggy_70 no it doesnt having sex with a child makes you a pedo i don't know how i feel about this situation btw

I agree with most of what you said. And maybe I don’t disagree with any of it. What I do know is that once that horse leaves the stable, forbidding any activity in the home just sets them up to have to find ways around it, sneak around, possibly lie, etc. Just my thought on your post—which I thought was great.

I tried to be that kind of parent for my daughter. So, I agree with how your parents handled it and I agree with how you do your relationship with your daughter, probably because it’s exactly how I did mine with my daughter. ???

@BlueWave (( hugs )))

@BlueWave there are definitely waaaaay worse ways to F up a kid than being honest with them about their biology.

oh comeon!

@squiggy_70 ?? do you think a parent could stop a 16 year old from having sex???

@educatedredneck you should damned well try.. by being a parent from day one birth to death.. BTW this guy is gone. we have been punked by a pedophile.

@squiggy_70 meh, some shouldn't breed and I'm one of those. I know plenty of parents who have provided BC and a place for sex, usually the kids turn out fine.

I've heard UUs OWL program tends to make kids wait a little longer and it mainly stresses mutual respect and nothing about waiting

@educatedredneck I was 22 and damned glad i did.. the one good decision I made

@squiggy_70 thanks to religion and the BS getting over it, I was 25 and overall happy I waited but the vast majority of high schoolers now are sexually active.

If I'd been dumb enough to procreate, I'd prefer to KNOW they had good condoms handy and knew how to use them. Plus all the other solid education on self respect, mutual respect....

Why does it offend your christian beliefs?

@16566 The person you were commenting to is not a Christian. She is an atheist. Maybe ask why without any assumption?

@16566
Since age 13, I have been an atheist when I realized the Bible is just a bunch of stories written by men.

thank you

@16566,

Do you have a daughter?

His daughter is only 16. When my daughter was growing up, we never let boys stay overnight. When a boy visited, they had to leave the door open.

I don't have to explain our parenting decisions to you.

@16566 this dude disappeared from this website or blocked me .. didn't say blocked says he is not here another huge red flag I think we have been punked by a pedophile.

@PalacinkyPDX I was not implying that he should say no . There is the chance that someone will have to be more responsible . A sixteen year old , who messed up by not taking her pills , can lead to pregnancy . A sixteen year old who ran out of condums , may get an STD . He should be aware that some supervision may be in order .

@PalacinkyPDX

I had very strict parents and so did my friends. Throughout my teenage years, I had many friends, none of whom got pregnant.

The girls who had parents who allowed this (3 that I can recall) all did get pregnant, two were forced to keep the children and were raised by the grandparents.

There's something in between "no" and "have your boyfriend over whenever you like, as long as you use birth control and keep up your grades."

Maybe not on school nights... and a lesson about when certain things are appropriate. Kids want phones when they're 6, but it doesn't mean they should get one.

Education about sex is key, but so are lessons in age appropriate allowances. .

@Athena I am not arguing with you when I say this. It’s just funny that coincidentally, when my daughter was growing up, all of the girls with very strict and religious parents were mothers themselves by age 19. Those whose mothers were not as freaked out about human sexuality, still don’t have kids at 28.

@BlueWave
I agree that religious parenting is different and so is the messaging regarding sex, which is not healthy.

My parents were strict in that they wanted me to focus on schoolwork. I had to stay in during the week. I wasn't allowed to have boys over and I had an early curfew on weekends unless there was a special occasion.

I knew my parents loved me but they made it clear the they were NOT going to bail me out if I made bad decisions. That was powerful.

I was freaked out about getting pregnant because I understood the consequences, based on education having seen it first hand. I had male friends, but my first boyfriend at 18. My parents also taught me to use good judgement regarding friends, as well as boyfriends.

I had teenage moments, but I was a happy kid with well adjusted friends.

I appreciate you sharing this story. It helps make the distinction between what is forbidden for sinful reasons (fear of punishment and hell etc), versus teaching the value of certain behaviours to succeed.

@Athena I agree with you. And, I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. One can be a very focused and successful student, at the top of her class, and be in love and have sex. Not having sex, as you did not, is one way to do life as a teen. Another way is to have sex. In my opinion, neither is better or worse—neither is more moral or less moral.

@BlueWave
True. I don't think it's a question of morality.

@PalacinkyPDX not the point.sure sound good on paper but to realize how much he is letting her down breaks my heart

@PalacinkyPDX what stipulations? is this for real you agree with this?

@PalacinkyPDX, @BlueWave not havinq sex as a teen way better,way way better.you want her used up before she is 20? come on she is a kid

@BlueWave, @PalacinkyPDX I grew up during the sexual revolution My family was French we were very open about sex and I think this is shit for obvious reasons. being progressive or cool? what?

@BlueWave, @PalacinkyPDX studies really what studies?

@Cast1es he should say no make it stick and be a parent Parenting- look it up

@Cast1es whats he gonna do stand outside the door? as for no mind altering substances it seems he is not willing to put the effort into parenting her at all. this mean saying no when it is difficult; guidance and stopping her from destructive behavior as a teen. This is show time folks and they need a lot of guidance

WHY?

@16566 The ship has sailed...but, basically, your daughter should have higher self-esteem, respect herself and her body more, and not have ever gotten to this place at her age.
The fact that she is already having sex and that you have signed off on it as ok is troublesome. How is this any different than parents who let there KIDS smoke at home, drink at home, do drugs at home...etc.? It's not. She's a CHILD.

You can argue that "she'd do it anyhow" and I would say, yes, she would...because she has no concept that she should say no...that she should wait until she's more mature....that her dad thinks she is the most valuable and special person in the world and that she should not sell herself short in relationships and just "do what all her friends" are doing.

@16566 dude you aren't even on here. you profile is blocked what are you hiding? it is not moral based. she is old enough to drive. she has no information or experience. having sex with some one in your house is not driving a car. you are supposed to protect her. you talked about oral sex with your daughter? hurl oh and ther are extra condoms in the closet. I remember in the 60's when free love came along what a lie. Not for women they were exploited all over the place in society the media every where. now you are doing this again Except you are not real you are a pervert bot who made all this up looking for underage girls or like minded creatures.

@squiggy_70 I’m blocking this ass. He’s scary.

@squiggy_70 I WENT TO BED

@SkotlandSkye i think he block me but it doesn't say block it says nobody there. this kinda stuff is part of the me too movement. His own daughter. this is like Trump rubbing his daughters ass. sick. I well any way some people think it is sick too

where does she go to get away from this dude should he turn out to be a prick?

@squiggy_70

That's what dads and shot guns are for.

@webbew1 he is not protecting her at all. this carrying a doll around or what ever misses the point . he is not parenting.

To bad that show "To Catch A Predator" went off the air, you would've been a major find. But regardless, you'll be found, hopefully sooner than later.

@BobbyJMy daughter initiated all the conversations described here I was only there for support and guidance I will answer questions on any subject and offer my honest opinion

I would never intentionally do anyone harm

You should ignore the critics. They obviously forget what it is like to be 16 which I feel a touch of sadness about but this is their struggle not yours.
I think it is already a fantastic job of parenting that your daughter feels safe enough with you to ask the question. That is a huge win as it is a difficult subject to talk with your parents about and she has been as you would ask any to be honest and up front about their life.
I do know from experience that sexual activity and conduct is treated much differently for teens in some areas of Europe than it is on this side of the pond and I think it is a very healthy attitude they have. Teens are curious about sex and want to grow up fast. Most of my school was having sex whether the parents knew or not. I think you are able to provide a much safer environment as a parent than a random seedy hotel or a party at a friends house or in a car somewhere off the beaten path. So many things can go wrong with any of those places. They have limited options so while it is ultimately your call you have to decide for you and your daughter what is the best/safest for her.

Great job parenting so far and the decision you make will be right for your family.

I wanted to read your profile but you show up as no here. soo what's the deal?