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Guys who joined months ago and who have not yet written a bio or answered many questions: You say you're interested in meeting women (or I wouldn't know you exist), but maybe show a little effort, please? Having searched all the men in my preferred age group and location (Los Angeles and environs), I am surprised at how many profiles hold back on important detail and forthcomingness. I like it when men say who they are, what their values are, rather than only specifying what sport they do (I do none, so maybe that's important after all!).

Sooz 6 July 17
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27 comments

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8

Yes, I have gotten messages from men who have hardly anything in their bio and haven't written or responded to more than a few posts, if any. I ask them to tell me more about themselves, plus get more involved with the community. Most of them do neither. I mean, no one has to be an open book, but how are you supposed to get to know someone if you don't know anything about them? It's like they think this is Tinder or something.

I give similar advice.

@PalacinkyPDX You are very perceptive--withholding information is about power & control. It deprives the other person of the ability to make informed decisions for themselves.

Or when you ask them to tell me about yourself and they respond with “what do you want to know?” Ugh! The basics!

@Marcie1974 Oh yeah, I've gotten that response, too!

I mean I get that it may be helpful but even on many "dating" sites values aren't exactly front and center for either sex. I know I don't see alot of "values" offered up other than the theist statement of "putting God first" which hardly says anything about values either
Activities and some lifestyle stuff or goals but I rarely see profiles with any values/ethics or morality specifics in them.

For me at least that is something I will share when I have we established there is a mutual interest in knowing more or meeting face-to-face. That seems to me to be a stage of getting to know someone after interest is established

No idea why anyone would care how I live my life or what my values are unless they have an interest. My interpretation anyway

@maxhyde Specifically why I don't like dating sites. At least on agnostic.com, you're encouraged to get involved in the community and it's a safe way to learn about someone who may pique your interest.

@bleurowz sure but isn't part of the entire process getting to know someone. If they put everything in their profile where is the intrigue/mystery or the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feelings that are part of the thrill of getting to know someone?

@maxhyde I don't think anyone should be an open book. But there are guys who join this site and then either don't write any bio or do the bare minimum of responding just so they can get to a level where they can send a message. Many of the women here have dealt with this. Some are scammers, some are trolls, and some may be nice guys who are shy or self-conscious. But to think just by sending a "hi beautiful" message with no information about them that they're going to get a response, ain't gonna happen. I've dealt with similar on regular dating sites; at least here you do have the opportunity to get to know a little more about someone.

@bleurowz well this may just be I have not lived in the dating world long enough. Sometimes I guess I choose to ignore content and appreciate the gesture.

6

Amen (can I say that on this site?), sista...

PenLOP Level 7 July 17, 2018
5

Many of us, myself included, are here to be part of an agnostic group; coincidentally, this site also calls itself a dating site, and upon induction, you get asked to check off a lot of things, so I presume that those of us who are currently single will say sure, why not. I did write a bio, but I personally have not, or at least don't recall having, approached one women on this site about dating.

godef Level 7 July 17, 2018
3

I see this more on other dating sites but it irritates me when they put “just ask” for their bio or to questions. No! Don’t make me do all the work! Tell me a little about yourself and I’ll ask questions from there!

3

... or only mentioning they want to get laid. So much warmth.

@FortyTwoV4pt2 however you can easily laugh without consequence, with a total stranger. Getting "laid" - uh... not so much.

3

I don't think men as a gender have to obey a call to add more detail, just as women shouldn't have to smile more in photos because it looks prettier. If you're curious, ask. Otherwise don't sweat it.

I've marked myself as open to dating, but the reason I'm here is for the community.

Yes. That's it right there. Like anyone can decide how they truly feel about someone else based on just a bio.

Even if you’re just here for community it’s nice to read a sentence or two. It doesn’t have to reveal any deep dark secrets. Mention a hobby or two, day you love coffee or craft beer.

I’m sure others feel differently than I do but if someone doesn’t write anything or puts “ask” I feel like I have to do all the work getting to know them. I don’t want to play 20 questions, give me something to work with.

@Marcie1974 You might not have to ask 20 questions if you begin with the correct one. Ask "Why are you so weird? You might be surprised at the responses LOL!!! 😉

3

Women do this as well. I've even messaged a few about it, but gotten no replies.

bingst Level 8 July 17, 2018
2

They didn't put it into words, but they are sub-communicating their character traits.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

2

You go girl!

JacarC Level 8 July 17, 2018
2

Actually i've not yet read any ones bio, or really paid attention to their pic. I'm more interested in what they have to say, or comment.

2

You search them? I didn't even know you could

Amisja Level 8 July 17, 2018

We're right out here too, like god and everybody. ? Well, hmm, just like everybody. ?

1

Maybe try asking them directly. Generally people get kinda stumped with what to put on their profile. Guys post a few of their interests, maybe their jobs. Most of us are open books if you take the time to ask specific questions, but aren't about to type out our life stories in our profiles. Effort from the other side is appreciated too.

1

Lots of talking, servey taking, and chit chat about books and movies but not a lot of meeting going on.

1

That's fair if it's true. I guess I don't really think of this as a dating site in the typical fashion. Limited options here in the south but I don't really have an issue dating someone who doesnt think like me this way. Been doing it my whole life anyway.

However I will say the options are much more limited than true dating sites probably in every location.

1

I think Cheeze Jokes is the fastest moving page, I've posted there a few times. Not much interaction otherwise. I thought more people would be interested in Solar/wind generation. Maybe I need to step up my bio.

1

I find when peole get into who they are, it doesn't mean much. People usually say things they think other people want to hear. I believe the men do this more than the women. You get to know those things in the back and forth on the phone, or to a lesser degree, messaging. The no picture thing l don't get, if you wish to meet someone on line.

0

Let's get real:::[vimeo.com]

JacarC Level 8 July 22, 2018
0

You wouldn't like me anyway... why bother?

0

I think that it's nice to be on a site where the thought processes mesh more and are in tune with each other. It's hard enough out here trying to find someone on a christian site. Having a better chance of meeting someone who thinks like I do is a good thing, yes? I don't list anything because people will see a quality and strive to be that and I'd like it to be totally natural that we connect. Ask questions and inspire each other to discover.

0

Some being in or on the border of bible belt towns may be cautious due to employer reactions. Granted I just joined but I have been found on social media way too often even though I have it all locked down.

0

Maybe because we don't want to provide our personal information all over the world wide web if you have questions ask them I really don't care about the dating so I don't really feel it's anybody's business what my personal life is

0

Can't please anyone it seems. No wonder online dating is such a bust for me!

0

Why love has no home here,

for in her heart there is too much anger too much fear,

my love has a home somewhere somewhere not here

my love followed me across the sea to find where it was

meant to be

when my love is found far away for to see will my love

still love me?

m16566 Level 7 July 17, 2018
0

Some of us Men,have been scammed,or are still recovering from a loss,maybe too afraid to "Open up" on feelings and emotions. An old saying comes to mind; "The Heart is a lonely Hunter". Isn't dating hunting? Finding a compatible (in most Men's cases), a compatible Woman? To form a couple,to be "There" for each other,when life lands it's crushing blows(and it will)?

0

i have to say i was surprised ild joined a dating site surprised in i didnt know so maybe theres some just like that i was rat arsed when i joined tho

weeman Level 7 July 17, 2018

It's not you I was referring to. It's those who are interested in long-term relationships and have stated that in their profile. If you're not, then say as little as you want. No problem.

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