When I was in 1st grade, I was excited to tell my mother about my day at school. Before I could share my positive experience, she asked "did you get in trouble with the teacher today?" and I answered honestly "yes". She got upset, ranted about my bad behavior, and didn't want to talk about the good parts of my day.
The next day I was excited again to talk about the cool things that happened at school. Again, she interrupted me "did you get in trouble with the teacher today?" ...so I thought for a second, and said "no" (my very first lie that I recall.) She was happy, and we talked about the good stuff, and everything was nice
So I learned the power of deception, and I learned not to trust my mother with the truth, because she will derail the conversation to negativity. At age 5 1/2. (I started kindergarten at 4 1/2.
The concept of falsehood was clear to me.
7
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6 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I'm so sorry. And I've seen parents do this too.
"Squish" your kids and they will withhold from you. Guaranteed.
It doesn't even have to be this blatant, just tell your kids their feelings aren't valid somehow. "Splain" them away.
Watched my dh's sister do that to her little girl, who while a genius child, is still a little girl. She once bumped her head in front of all of us and her mother proceeded to "splain" her as she was crying that she wasn't hurt, nor had reason to be startled/scared.
It was then a lightbulb went over my head and I could see the pathology in my dh's maternal side. It was inherited.
Qualia
Level 8
July 19, 2018
1
I can't imagine not being able to trust my mother. I can't imagine not being trustworthy - to anyone - but especially not to my own sons. I am so sorry that you experienced such pain.
Deb57
Level 8
July 19, 2018
1
Thanks Deb. At least I'm learning how to better raise my son though.
So did you just make this up? 
WilliamFleming
Level 8
July 19, 2018
2
No... that's an odd question. Do you regularly make up stories to pass off as actual events?
@DustinFL Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. You said you had learned the power of deception.
Just teasing.
@WilliamFleming ah, I didn't pick up on that. fair enough
I've always believed that we (parents) teach kids to lie. We say "be nice" when a kid honestly points something out, like an overweight person, or someone "different" rather than explaining things. I don't like kids, but part of what I DO enjoy is them being so refreshingly honest; that is, when their parents allow them to be that. Yes, teach kindness, but don't teach them to lie.
AzVixen52
Level 7
July 19, 2018
3
I've a dear friend who is molding her grandkid to hug & kiss everyone even when he doesn't want to, and frankly SHOULDN'T! One, it's healthier to honor their instincts, 2 little kids are petri dishes!
He's like her monkey or something.
This is a constant thing with her and it's left me speechless for so long I feel I can't say anything without offending her, that I've been watching her do this forever and not said anything. A little ashamed but they're not my kids.
@Qualia When it comes to strangers (even if the grandparent/parent/babysitter, etc) knows them, the child doesn't, and I agree, they shouldn't be made to do anything physical. Common courtesy aside(a "thank you", or "please", or "excuse me" isn't something physical, and something a child must learn) a kid shouldn't be made to touch anyone! Even I don't make or insist my grandkids kiss or hug me. Hell, I don't even make them talk to me on the phone! I WANT them to do these things when they want to, not because they are being forced to.
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