I think most of these guides telling people how to deal with other people are BS. Sure, there are some good guidelines, like treat others how they would like to be treated, be kind and show mutual respect, but people are so different that there's no one way to go about getting what you desire.
Some guys might like the chase. I personally detest it and won't participate. One reason is that if you have to chase someone that you like, that kind of feels to me like stalking or harassment. No bueno.
Another is that I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, period. So if you play hard to get, you're either not really interested, or being disingenuous , both of which are turn-offs, to me at least.
So I can't see how"making him chase you" could in itself result in a long lasting and respectful relationship.
Think of this scenario. I meet 2 women and I'm interested and intrigued by both, we seem to have things in common, and I'm physically attracted to both.
One woman says she shares my feelings, and would like to spend more time with me.
The other plays games and expects me to chase her before she will give in and reciprocate.
Now I'm not saying that there aren't guys that might want to chase the woman who is what they think of as prey or a conquest, but I don't see that turning into a respectful relationship. Don't you think after they finally caught you they'd become disinterested and seek out their next challenge?
Open honest communication. Mutual respect. NO GAMES. That's a good start to a good relationship.
Want me to chase you, never, won't happen !
@FortyTwoV4pt2
They can sigh all they want, I am not doing it
I think if someone chases too much it betrays a degree of insecurity. I do enjoy a certain amount of hunting and chasing, but if after I've indicated my desire the person acts coy or aloof, I won't play that game. It becomes a competition then, a place in which one person is one up or one down. I expect mutuality, and frankly, I like receiving positive attention too.
At what point does it cease being worth the effort to keep chasing and chasing, if there's no sign that you're ever going to let yourself get "caught"? I don't want to spend months or years after someone who lets me get closer and closer, without rewarding my effort and devotion. That's just frustrating.
Sooner or later, I'm going to get tired of running after a person and either give up or flat out ask, is this going anywhere? or is it just a game? Because I don't like games.
If you want someone, just be straightforward and say so. Do something about it. Life is too fucking short to play games.
I think it will cease when a guy make it clear that he is chasing you because he want to have a serious relationship.... but I totally agree with you.. it can be frustrating. not just for you guys, but for us that we are trying to do the "right thing" in order to get your attention..
@vmedel
Want to know a secret? We're guys. You can get our attention by having a pulse. Once that's established, talking to us is a great next step.
As far as I'm concerned, you're doing "the right thing" if you're honest and straightforward; if you're open and direct about what you want; if you like flirting; if you want to talk about books and movies and politics and, hell, I don't care, just let's talk; if intellectual and emotional and physical are equally important to you. If you love to laugh. If you can carry on a conversation about the philosophy of Monty Python while exchanging foot rubs. (In a hot tub.) (The hot tub can come later.)
It's impossible to define what the right things are in advance, but those are some general traits along with great examples that work on me.
They say they don't like it, but they reward it.
See answers below.
It's a trap.
Every......last.....guy.... I wasn't "feeling" IRL was up the posterior like ducalax.
Others, the dance came into play, give them what they want & they withdraw, until you've had enough and their spidey senses tell them you're done, then they're all OH! OH SHIT!
Oh Hai - I dids not means to scare you off! What needz do?
JFC!!!
Those are the type tho that think once they've "caught" you, they can let their belt out a notch & figuratively wait for you to get them a beer, until you've got all your stuff packed & have long checked out below the waist, whilst they scratch their heads.
Sorry guys, a lot of ya do this. Have seen it happen to girlfriends who were once in a lifetime catches, so it doesn't matter how hot & intelligent you are no woman is immune.
Watching it repeat with a dear friend of mine. That mask of his was ripped off the second the ring was on her finger! His behavior to her is appalling.
The guy chases the girl until she catches him
omg that is exactly what my mom used to say!!! LOL
@vmedel that shows how old I am!!
No, I want someone mutually engaged and present and happy to be with me. If you are playing cagey I would assume not interested.
well, if he text i text, if he calls I would call, I give back the same amount a man offers me, I don't want to play games, but at the same time I don't like to look "easy"...make sense?
@vmedel sure, I had a nice first date, she had to cancel for a next day follow up. But did not say she wanted to reschedule, should I chase or safe to assume she had a good time but was not interested in another?
@TaylorWalston If she canceled without an explanation, i wouldn't even go there..!! she doesn't care (that's how I see it)
If I am interest in a man I would show it...and make it clear to him... but I would always wait for him to make plans to see me...
It works both ways.
I was in a long distance chat prior to my divorce with someone in Colorado of all places, we thought we really clicked, we were looking forward to the day when I would be free to talk on the phone more than once a week, we could finally meet in person, etc... finally freedom came, and the chat dried up, the phone calls became perfunctory, and I realize now that she didn't really want to "catch" me. The closer it came to us actually meeting the more she pulled back.
This probably works to an extent for younger men, but as a man I can tell you that what most of us want is clarity and simplicity in our relationships. Not hidden cross currents or undertows, or subtle games. Not manipulation. Not things coming out of left field.
The whole point of an intimate relationship is ... intimacy. You can't have connection without authenticity. You can't have faith in a relationship if it's always keeping you off-center. No reasonably healthy human wants anything more than to be loved for who they are, to inspire some enthusiasm in someone else -- or if not, to know what the friggin' problem is. To know, in other words, where they stand. Men are not special in this regard.
This seems like it should be obvious but apparently it has to be spelled out.
Now if all this Gilliard character is really saying is that a woman should be her own person, should respect herself as such, and insist that the men in her life respect her as such, and to not just throw herself at them ... and the title is just Gilliard's editor's desire for something more attention-grabbing ... that's fine. But if the concept is to literally play hard-to-get, the Gilliard, in my view, can fuck off.
agree with you.. and trust me, it is not easy for us women!! LOL
Possible explanation from evolutionary psychology. Males will mate with as many females as possible, but an with an easy female, the male can't be sure whose child she gives birth to. if she mates with many males. The choosy female is more desirable to the male biologically.
Is why the male lion will kill all the female lion's offspring;they aren't his, and it causes the female to become receptive to mating with him.
make a lot of sense.. thank you
I disagree. If I make an attempt to pursue someone and am put off then I have no desire the chase that person. Seems pointless. Maybe I just don't like rejection. I don't know but there is no excitement in a game of chase to me.
But,if you wait too long,this may happen,so what do you do??[agnostic.com]
Believe in what you think, That is always the best. If you want a guy chasing you that is odd. But as a man, the many times I chased and never let go of my goal, Never did I marry anyone I caught though. It was the one who caught me off guard. And then divorce and so on.
The one thing I take away from that time is that I never believed in myself the way I do now. That is the best thing to realize.
thank you for your comment.