God is a mega pervert.
He will sit quietly watch you wank and then say, that was naughty, I'm going to burn you forever for that, now excuse me while I go make sure your Mum is not enjoying being ravished by your dad too much.

Oh, that must have been so painful for you.

I’ve always wondered how people who believe that their loved ones are watching over them from heaven deal with the ‘knowledge’ that said loved ones are watching their most intimate and personal moments. And that one day they’ll be meeting them once again when they themselves get to heaven.

Embarrassing much? ????