Seek out a support group. You have one here. I am also coping with a suicide by a loved one. Every year will probably be like this for a long, long time. You never get over it you just absorb it, adapt, and move forward. I'm so sorry.

2 years since I lost someone that close to me. And a part of my heart will always belong to her. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for someone else. If you do find someone new, or even potentially think about it, don’t shut them out because of it hurting. I wish you all the best.

As it should. 2 and 1/2 years after losing my Peggy Lou, I am only beginning to feel open to finding a new partner in crimes against mundanity. But I will forever carry a torch for my redheaded ghost.

2 years since my best friend killed himself, a year today i tried to do the same thing, grief is a bastard. Cry if you need to, if you have people you can talk to then do, remember good times, don't be afraid of getting angry, if you can find grief counselling it can help. And while there is (IMO) no heaven or afterlife, a person is not dead while their name is still spoken and the ripples of their actions persist. Sending a hug, take care of yourself.

Sorry to learn of your terrible loss. You seem like a brave and strong person.

One thing that has given me comfort as an atheist when thinking about the death of loved ones is that, while believers think that a person has a literal spiritual body that persists and we know that it is not true, it is nevertheless perfectly valid to remain attached to the memory of a dead person. A part of them is still alive within you. That is not literally true, of course, since there are no ghosts or spirits. But the memory of that person and the ways in which you attached to them and loved them live on as patterns in your brain and body, which were forever changed by your contact with them. That is real. As far as I'm concerned that never goes away, and it probably isn't something we want to go away.

There's this notion that we ought to "move on" from a dead loved one. OK, there are other wonderful relationship opportunities, it is true. But that doesn't mean we have to forget about the one we loved or even completely let go of them. I personally think that nurturing our relationship with dead loved ones is a healthy and meaningful thing to do, even though we know intellectually they don't exist any longer. The same mechanism that allows us to continue loving someone we haven't seen in hours, days, months, or even years, also allows us to continue to love someone we will never see again.

I wish you the best in your life going forward.

I once heard a wise woman tell a friend that when you truly love a person, they become such a deep part of you that, no matter what happens, you never really stop loving them - even if life, or fate, takes you apart.

I don't think you ever should feel like you can't always love Vincent, even though he is gone. And that doesn't mean you will love others any less. It's like having a child, and loving them with all your heart. Then, you have a second child, and you love them with all your heart (but you love the first child no less than before).

True love is not a bottle, with room for only one occupant. True love is a house with open doors, always adding more under its roof, and building expansions as needed.

MY heart feels for what you are going through, but the fact that you can still feel so deeply for him tells the world volumes about who you are - and how lucky he was to have you with him.

Peace, my friend.

There are no words, only grief. None of the answers are satisfying. Peace to you, however that may come.

I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is the unfortunate price of losing someone you love, and it is decidedly an individual and sometimes devastating ordeal. Be gentle with yourself when the pain of your grief intensifies, and remember to reach out when you start to feel overwhelmed or hopeless. Other folks who have experienced terrible losses, as well as counselors and therapists, can help--I know that firsthand. It's only right that Vincent will always occupy a space in your heart, and that this sad anniversary hurts so much--you loved him dearly and intimately. Know also that happiness is attainable in the future, in your own time and process. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help with this difficult journey. Again, my sincerest condolences for your loss. Take care.

I'm sorry April. Really. The pain death of a loved partner is one that never ever goes away completely. Adding suicide to it undoubtedly makes it confusing. I would be forever questioning "Why [did you choose to disappear from my life]?" even as I might have tried to really understand or accept his motives or the despair that took him down that road.

Speaking from my own experience of losing my fiance to death (though not suicide), it does someday get better. A teeny tiny bit at a time. You'll never stop missing him, or thinking about him, or being triggered to sadness by stores, intersections, restaurants, etc., but with every passing week, the sadness won't be all-consuming. And, eventually, the tears will even sometimes be replaced with smiles when you remember.

If there were a heaven (and hence a hell), according to christian belief, your boyfriend would be in hell now so be thankful it is just a myth. He will always be alive in the memories you made and shared together.

Sorry for your loss. I buried a wife and a son, as well as a brother and parent who died "before their time", and I can verify that its a very different quality to experience the loss of a significant other. And it does stay with you. I can only imagine what suicide adds to the mix.

The "good" news is that your capacity to love isn't constrained by Vincent's loss, nor would he want it to be. Although you will always hold his memory dear, it does not diminish your ability to love again.

On a practical note, this will get better. One year isn't very long to process this. Each year it will be a little less immediately painful.

Burying a loved one is always hard. I buried my fiancée in 2016. I believe that part of our heart always will belong to them as they were such an important part of our life. Having gone through the experience my you’re welcome to contact me to talk if you wish.

emotive subject im still missing/grieving for a friend that killed himself 20yrs ago i suppose you are right about your heart and will find ways to live with it as time marches on good luck

I know my late wife is always on my mind. She’s never very far away, as the saying goes, but it gets better with time.

It's been 9 years for me, so I understand what you're going through. All I can say is that it gets different...., no heaven, but since we have occured at least once, we are a logical consequence of existence, so as long as there is existence there is no reason that our consciousness cannot reemerge, and if existence is eternal than the probability of reemerging goes to 1. Vincent is part of the very fabric of existence, and possibly living it up in the multiverse somewhere, just be grateful for the time you had together. Take care.

My condolences. I too lost my boyfriend in January. We had so many plans and then he died. So I've been living in the "Now what?" zone. Trying to get my life back together. I too feel like I wish I could die to be with him but my intellect tells me that isn't posible. It really hurts knowing I will never see him again. I know Sherwin will always live in my heart as long as I live. I want another relationship but recognize it will not be the same, maybe as good but different. I hope you can also find a new life partner.

So very sorry to hear this. I think the pain of this loss will dull over time, but never go away. It's a part of you now and that's ok. Cherish all of your memories of him and with him.

Best wishes, it can be a struggle and never will completely heal. You learn to cope with it better is about all you can do.

That's tuff, really, only you can find peace with yourself on that. Everyone's situation is different. I'm in a difficult situation, but circumstances separate me from the woman that I love, not death, and that is very different. My situation is complicated, and we are still dear friends, we always will be, but I have to accept that I need to move on - if I want to "find a replacement" - that is not to say people are replaceable, rather, I am saying, or asking myself "can I find another that can bring that level of fulfillment?"

I don't have an answer, it could happen some day, I will never say "never". What I do know is that the bar has been raised extremely high, and I don't plan to lower my standards.

Great, now we're both depressed... I guess all I can offer is to not let depression or loss obscure your happiness.

As it should be. I like to think we always carry part of those we lost with us. My deepest condolences to you for your losses and suffering.

I have known 16 people directly, or an attached person of someone I know, who took their own life. My only sibling a brother, my father's best friend, a childhood friend's daughter, a son in law. I can not explain how such an act could be preferable to seeking help thru a professional. I can not understand how we could not reach them. I can not understand how they could leave us in such pain tho their own must have been worse. How could that be when our every move in life now bears some of that burden of pain....forever. It is a fire one must walk thru. There is no solace. There is no relief. Until time moves its hands to soothe the memory of it all. You are not alone on this path. And there is a suicide group here in the Group section under the Browse icon. I hope you find some peace as their decision was in no way our fault. It was the fault of untreated mental illness. I fear more in the future & it has limited my contact with people. To bear even more wrenching occurrences may be beyond my ability to endure them....again. May peace find you soon.

I'm so VERY sorry! Sounds as if you've experienced some sorrows in life. Have you attended a ''survivors' group?" It doesn't sound reasonable (or even true) right now but THIS WILL GET BETTER and you WILL love again! It's not an insult to the one we've lost when we go on and live out our lives. Your heart will heal...even with a small part of Vincent and the love you shared living in it. Sending compassion....

I'm so sorry. it will get better, but it may take a long time and part of you will always belong to him.

So sorry for your loss. Hold the memories near. They can be a great comfort.