"The minute you stop looking for someone else to cure you, that's the minute you start living again."
I don't know if this is valid advice for someone with PTSD (as the character on this show had) but it is seriously good advice for the single. You aren't looking for someone to make you whole. If you're not a "whole person" on your own, nobody is going to "complete" you. Nobody is going to make you better. You have to love who you are, or nobody else stands a chance of loving you.
I didn't understand that 18 years ago. I thought I did... but I was coming out of a bad relationship, thought I was unlovable, rejected, and needy as fuck. I fell for the first woman who fell for me. Neither of us should have been together, as it turned out. We fooled ourselves because we wanted so badly to fit, to belong to someone, to be a part of something bigger, to be completed. And other than having a wonderful daughter, it turned out to be 17 years of my life wasted with the wrong person. So much that I could and should have done. And I held her back too.
It took me this long to find a perfect quote to encapsulate what I knew inside. Nobody is going to "fix" me, I don't need fixing because I'm not broken. I hope to find somebody again someday, but as an independent person who will join me in life. Not to rescue me from life.
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5 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I've been on this "journey" for many years now. It started with an unhappy childhood. I didn't know why I was the way I was. It has taken many years, lots of money and time, to get to where I am now. I married someone because I thought I could not be alone. It was a fair relationship if not poor. I can truly say being alone for long periods may not be the best situation, but being alone within a "relationship" is pure hell and misery.
I_dont_know
Level 7
Aug 1, 2018
1
The more I talk about my own story, the more I find out how many people have gone through the same thing. Thank you for sharing this. Good luck.
You are correct-timing is everything. You have to do the work. It took me 9 years after a failed 10 year LTR. We had nothing in common-just 2 people needing to live together for financial and psychological reasons - not love -which I have found here with my Dan.
sassygirl3869
Level 9
July 28, 2018
2
Congratulations!!
I hear you on this! Your story sounds so much like mine except my daughter is older.
pixiedust
Level 8
July 28, 2018
2
Thank you. I know there are a lot of us here. People who didn't fit the first time around, but maybe, like me, stayed because we wanted to make it work. I like to think that's a sign of a good person, rather than a foolish one.
In my case I stayed 3 years longer than I should have, trying to make a broken marriage work because I didn't want to leave my daughter as a "child of divorce" like me. But I realized that I was doing her no favors by staying and being a depressed Dad as opposed to the happy one she could know. Better this way for everybody.
I, too, stayed longer than would have been good for me. Ultimately, I think the divorce was better for our daughter.
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