Last year, I read a book called Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome. I stumbled across it in the piles of books at Dollar Tree in my hometown, right when I was making the decision that I needed to figure out my spirituality. It's a memior of a young woman who had been completely burntout by her religious upbringing, had some mysterious chronic illness, and nothing in her life could seem to go right. Just as she felt she was losing her faith, she made the decision to experience 30 different religions before her 30th birthday. You can check out the book (linked below) to see how that worked out for her.

This book inspired me. I wanted to do the 30 Religions by 30 project myself, but I got about 5 experiencesin before I started feeling completely uninspired again. I wrote the author and told her my story and actually chatted with her for a bit. Today, I feel compelled to tell that story to strangers on the internet. So if you're interested in hearing the ramblings of a quarter-life basic white girl from Mississippi who loves rainbows and coffee...please read on.

I didn't grow up in a church family. My parents divorced when I was a baby. I grew up with my mom and step dad, who didn't get married until I was 15 Every now and then, they'd drop us off at Sunday School, but they never stressed that church and religion were important. They were good, honest, hardworking people, without being religious.

My bio dad is a Jehovah's Witness. I honestly believe he saw me as a lost soul and a sinner because of the way I was being raised (I had a great family; we just didn't go to church.) So he shoved his religion down my throat, always telling me I was a sinner and talking to me about things I was too young to understand. He taught me to fear hell and satan and demons more than anything.

And that was only when he actually came around. He was mostly absent and often just didn't show up when he was supposed to get me. Not exactly a great role model for basic human decency.

As I got older, I went to church with different friends, all different churches. I got saved and baptized when I was in the 7th grade, but it felt meaningless, especially after I saw the pastor put his hands around another kid's neck. Nothing about church and religion felt genuine to me. By my late teens, I had begun to identify as Agnostic (for lack of a better word) and left it at that.

Throughout college, I made some deeply religious friends. I tried going to church with one of them, but it never felt right to me. I've just never had that feeling that so many Christians get that affirms their faith in God and Christ. After I entered a counseling masters program, I was told that spirituality is an important aspect of understanding myself and being a healthy, whole counselor. But I just never felt a definable spiritual path. Ever.

So, last year, as I felt myself heading into my third major depressive episode, I stopped it in its tracks. And something told me I needed to finally attend to my spirit, whatever that means. I tried the 30 by 30 thing, and I think I finally came to accept that religion, particularly Christianity, just does not resonate with me. At all. And that's a hard thing to deal with living in the Bible Belt.

Link to book: [amazon.com]