I am with you. It's not love to me,

There are folks who are hard wired monogamous, some of us are hard wired poly. That said, I will try to explain jealousy, or the lack thereof, in my case.

Poly is not (again, in my opinion) swinging or 1 night stands. Some argue for or against this, Not debating that here. But I need to put out that, for me, poly is having an emotional investment in the people I'm with. Sex is not the primary expectation. Its more. Again, the structures of poly relationships is a thread in & of itself.

For me, the emotion that I think others label as jealousy is, in fact a combination of things. Everyone has expectations of their relationship & they negotiate those expectations with their partner. When those expectations are not met, feelings of sadness, disappointment & resentment all come to the fore, naturally.

Because of distance, work schedules & weekends with kids, etc, I get to see current S/O of almost 6 years every other weekend. On those days where our schedules merge & we have the same day off, we make plans weeks in advance, for that infrequent, precious day together w/nothing else going on. My S/O though, tends to forget to communicate this to his other relationship.

So we had planned a day & his gf & her husband come over, I thought unexpected, for a visit (he & her husband are very old friend). My S/O had forgot about our plans because he was talking RPGs & dice campaigns.

Pissed does not begin to describe what I felt. Resentment of our time being intruded upon, then anger & hurt that S/O had forgotten our plans (forget that he had been filling in 12 hour overnight shifts for a coworker who had been out on emergency medical leave) & disrespect that he took for granted I chose to spend a day off with him when I could have been doing other things.

I reminded him of why I was there, the fact that we had repeatedly had issues with scheduling & we needed to talk right then. Communication is key in poly relationships as is honesty. If we are not open & honest, with everyone involved, miscommunication causes additional hurt & upheaval. We worked it out & had a good day.

Yes, he got it. Yes, we have, in partnership with his girlfriend, have a shared calendar so everyone is in the know & we can avoid issues in the future.

I'm friends with his girlfriend & her husband. There is a guy I have started dating in the last few months. Yes, he is aware I'm poly. Yes, he has met my S/O. Nothing is hidden.sure he gas lots of questions & I answer them without hestitation. We'll see where that goes.

Words of a Cheater.... There is nothing my ex wife could had done to stop my behavior.... I liked Women.

Same here..

Then chances are good that it's not for you. Do what works !

My take on it has always been that natural selection has fitted us with jealousy, the better to keep family units together and with good boundaries. And sure enough, jealousy is the main problem reported by parties to polyamorous relationships. I imagine that a lot of psychic energy goes into sublimating those natural impulses. It would be interesting to know how many older people maintain truly polyamorous relationships. It strikes me as something few sane people would have the energy for past about 50 or so at the outside.

Anyway, Nardi ... I'd describe myself the same as you, a one-woman man, extremely loyal, no wandering eye at all, much less wandering ... well, you know. So ... I don't feel deprived in any way, shape or form.