Instead of marriages being conducive to formation of trusting, loving bonds, the process itself is the functional opposite. Marriage, as we know it, legally and definitively works against the very elements two people require if they are to SHARE such a bond and it's inherent rewards.

Our culture and those from which it has been synthesized force a business deal like relationship on budding potential bonds by requiring things like externally imposed terms, expectations, exchanges of promises and tokens thereof. Marriages more closely resemble taking out bank loans with a little pomp and frills than sharing of one another in a spirit sufficient for Nature to grant rewards only accessible through complete trust, respect, admiration and unconditional love.

People cannot 'give' each other ultimately satisfying sex. It isn't ours to give, but to share within fostering circumstances; within a bond that allows complete abandon and surrender of one to the other 'as one'. Nature and our natures furnish the outcome; the complete discharge of life/love energy; a oneness with our universe followed by deepest rest and contentment. It is trance-like and doesn't come close to any other kind of experience.

We don't give sex. All people can to is make our bodies and usually small parts of ourselves available for coitus; largely passing for the end rather than the means because it is also pleasurable in varying degrees. Without deeper elements it is little more than self-pleasuring with the assistance of another. This is why and how it so often feels empty; why it feels somehow partial, like there must be something more.

There are many good things people can gain from business deals. One is a sense of security based on legal hostage taking and holding that discourages natural inclinations to terminate what isn't working and causing people to settle for what is unsettling instead of facing 'the slings and arrows'. We so often marvel at people cohabiting for years only to get married and soon thereafter part. The chemistry changes from close, accepting and trusting with parity in the present to one of exchanging and promising and projecting expectations into the future.

We can't have it both ways. Settle or surrender. Nature doesn't recognize or honor human contrived structures for living. She follows her own rules and we constrain her at our own peril.

At Keymaiden, is tomorrow too soon??

My sister been married for 51 years, don't know if her being a minister has much to do with it, I remember meeting him as her boyfriend. Two other sisters being married once too and I and another departed brother were married once, another sister burried husband number 3 on November. The Hope is there. Hope for you too... the heart do not get old, the heart get tired. Rest.

All I want to ask is can I come live on the farm???

Life goes on. My ex recently remarried; I've hoped to hell the new hubby would never ask me for advice, but then again, maybe he's also narcissist.

The thing is, some people have great married lives. I went through a terrible divorce in '91, and was happily single for 15 years. In '06 I married Karen and am happily married. It happens sometimes.

I am tired of people saying my marriage failed. It did not fail. I assume you had some good from your marriage at sometime and then it was not good. Things changed, things got bad, you got out. That is not a fail that is a change. We need to change our culture to view the reality of marriages ending. Lets not compound the pain of that by calling it a fail. Half the people in the US will have that change in their lives. I hope it will lead to all kinds of positives for you. I am sure you learned a lot from those relationships.

I totally understand what you mean. Two girls I work with are getting married within the next year.. I am the twice divorced terrible friend that is screaming at them to not do it. I realize of course that their marriage could be the lifelong relationship that I failed to have.. makes no difference.. Run! Run! Run!
By the way, your farm sounds wonderful!! I love things like that. I am having to my 1920s craftsman style farmhouse because of my ex.. I wish I could’ve turned it into a winery/event sort of place.. dreams crushed.. I hate that mfker!! Lol!!

I once yelled “don’t do it” while driving past a wedding party. My then husband was driving, lol

I thought Irony was just the opposite of wrinkly...

I guess I'm opposite and would be secretly crossing my fingers for them. I've been thinking a lot lately about my failure and actually wishing I could turn back time and re-do some of my errors.

I totally understand that..but the thing is that there are so many marriages that work...and I don't mean work as in difficult to manage..I mean they thrive..some couples are happily locked into a blissful inseparable loving and passionate relationship until death ...in some cases they die within days or even hours of each other.

The fact is..marriage for all it's faults and supposed drawbacks does actually present a near perfect union of two people...

The real issue is the assumption that it is for everyone..when the truth is it is for the few not the many because one thing that destroys marriage is unfulfilled expectations....going into it with unrealistic expectations and trying to mould or change your Partner.. once you are married is a sign of major issues ahead.

So perhaps it's more about that epic search for a soul mate...and sometimes that's either hard work..or just good luck IMO.

Kind of like someone selling their boat to unsuspecting enthusiasts.

Don't you know that there were people thinking the same thing on the day that you got married?

Bad for business if you gave voice that thought! Better say nothing and take the .....anyway they may be blissfully happy, who can predict the future?