Gonna get vulnerable for a minute here, if y'all don't mind.
My 4-year-old daughter is starting 4k in a few weeks, and her mom is signing her up for some extracurricular classes as well. Swimming, dance, what have you. I've been a "stay at home" dad since she was born. (I work nights, so my days are wide open, her mom is a career gal, so I took the lead on Daddy Duty so she could chase her dreams. We've been broken up nearly three years, but co-parent beautifully.)
I've spent the last for years, 8-16 hours a day with her, and fatherhood has been the best version of me I've ever seen. Responsible, confident, guiding, nurturing, you name it. I even built her the mother of all cardboard box castles in her room. Every major holiday we make a new addition to it, whether it's shiny purple wrapping paper to cover up the brown cardboard, or stickers, pinwheels, whatever. She's my bestest little buddy. We do everything together.
I'm terrified of the void this is going to leave in my life. I know it's part of growing up, going to school, and she will love the social aspects of it, all that. I'm happy for her, but, so scared for myself. The old me, before her, that guy is dead and gone. I'm not into the same stuff anymore, i'm older now, I don't have most of the same friends... I have no idea who I am if I'm not being a super involved father.
I know I'm still "me," I just don't know who that guy is, what he's about. I'm scared I'm gonna become one of those assholes who spends all their time at work, whose identity is purely "employee."
I know it's only 4k, and that it's only a couple hours a day, but then kindergarten is after that, which is a full 8, and essentially she'll go from being with me all day to being with her mom in the morning, going to school, and then back to mom's, and... Ugh, i'm a goddamn mess.
Anyone else been down this road? Perhaps have some words of wisdom to impart?
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Make special time for the two of you! See if you can pick her up from school, volunteer at school etc. And also think of things you use to like to do and start doing them again.
GreatNani
Level 8
Aug 4, 2018
1
Volunteering in the classroom is the best. You really know what's going on & can observe her interacting with the teacher & other student. Because, as you eventually will find out, the answer to "What did you do at school today?" is "Nothing." Maybe you can even volunteer with some of her other activities. Also, she may well get tired of doing all those things & want to quit some of them. That's my experience with 3 kids anyway.
I feel you… Was an at home dad from birth for my two daughters, homeschooled some, too. Isolated in the woods, we were close, still are, emotionally..
You’re working, I ‘wasn’t,’ though caring for some serious acreage. I’d dropped the first off at Kindergarten, the teacher picked up on ..my fatherly abilities, and quickly incorporated me into volunteering, a day a week. What an honor and privilege to be in that setting, working with my daughters’ ‘future friends.’
The ‘only dad’ in class ..as was sad but typical their entire upbringing.. It opened up a new field of opportunities for me as I continued to volunteer in ‘each’ of their classes while getting to know teachers & parents. Those connections allowed me to find instant employment when an eventual divorce/ recession hit…
Parenting is a constant shifting of gears, up - a good thing! I’d recommend you consider some volunteer time in her setting, moving on to ‘regular school’ in time. I did, I volunteered into high school with mine, knew all the ‘kids,’ (parents, teachers, staff & administrators) as it remained a privilege.
Both graduated from college last year.. I miss them daily, but it’s a good thing …all good things.. You’ve done right, stay involved. And the skills you’ve developed with your daughter are definitely transferable to others her age. And, if you get the chance, dealing with ‘the boys’ is amazing - it all comes back, cuz we were once one 
Good times ahead ~
Varn
Level 8
Aug 4, 2018
1
Parents Without Partners might help you network and share your feelings.
sassygirl3869
Level 9
Aug 4, 2018
1
Enjoy being online again!
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