I'd have to go with "No! Don't do it!".

If it makes you feel lousy afterwards it can't be worth it.

Move on.

He sounds like a skilled user.
He gets lonely he's sweeter - he'd not lonely he's a jerk.

You can call and say "Apology accepted but we have nothing else to discuss".

When you take a gallon of milk out the fridge & pour a glass, if the milk is soured, you don't put the jug back in the fridge thinking it'll be better in a few weeks. Same thing with bad relationships. Y'all broke up for a reason, remember?

At the beginning of the call tell him ( & mean it ) you won't be coming out again, you won't be having sex with him again, & he has 5 minutes to say what he needs to say, set a timer & be quiet so he can talk. If its important (it won't be), he'll get to brass tacks. If it starts off with, "oh come on, why are you being that way?" Thank him for his time & hang up.

Trust me, if all you want is sex, you just have to say so & dick will fall from the sky.

When you decide to value yourself, and to stand up for yourself, you will make better decisions. As long as you choose to be defined by another person, you will not get out of this pattern. You are the only one who can be responsible for what you allow others to do to you. If you are unable to stop depending on him to define you and your self worth, you keep repeating it, and someday you will realize that years have gone by, with you in this sick relationship, where you do all the giving and he does all the taking. You need to learn to say "NO". He is manipulating you to get what he wants. When he finds out that isn't going to continue, he will leave for good. If you can't stop enabling his and your behavior, perhaps some therapy would help.

Take control of your life and LEARN TO SAY "Fuck Off".

You can do it.

Hi. I used to do the same thing. I want you to read your post back to yourself because there are huge clues as to why this your resistance to this mans “charms” is low:
“beat some sense into me”
“I feel like shit because I know that is all I am good for to him”
“Why do I (a) ?
“I wish I wasn’t so defective”.
You have to learn to accept and love yourself- be kind to yourself. Once you have cut this man out of your life (why isn’t he blocked??) you can focus on you. Get something under your belt you feel proud of (5k fund raiser walk/painting/something) and build yourself up on your sense of achievement. Without loving who you are (random hairs and cellulite included) you won’t be capable of setting boundaries for opportunistic men.
You are not defective- he is. He is a user, hasn’t a conscience, and sounds horribly selfish.
Come on! Block him, and work on building your inner strength and creating boundaries. Now I love saying “no” to men who think they can have anything they want. It’s great! Relish the look on their face as they fail to get anything!

I'm not into beating you up - but You're doing the same thing and expecting different results. he's using you and it's not going to change until you change it. It seems like you have said all that needs to be said to him. Don't bother repeating yourself, he's not listening. Sounds like you self esteem needs a boosting. Your bio "There's not much interesting to say about myself" tells all. Read that again, it's BS. You are a 38 year old woman with a life ahead of you, go find it!!!

You're vulnerable, and he's taking advantage of that. You deserve better.

Don’t have sex with him and see his reaction. That’ll tell you all you need to know.

You're not defective, sex is fun and we all need it. But, you need to find someone else to get it from. Once an asshole always an asshole. I think you'll admit that if you had someone else you wouldn't even talk to him.

Do NOT meet with him.
Block his number, so he can't contact you again.
You deserve BETTER than him
He is the defective, not you.
His apologies mean nothing. He keeps repeating the same behavior.
You don't have to participate.
NO, STOP, and DON'T.

There is a reason, possibly a number of them exist, at the root of your self-devaluation. If you loved yourself, for example, as you love your child or sister and they told you about an identical situation, what would you tell them? You seem to be saying it to yourself but without the love and high regard for yourself that you'd likely feel for them.

If we cannot love the child within ourselves, nurture them with time paying attention to them and helping them recover from early damage, the cycle will continue. We must become worthy of our own love, understanding, affirmation of mistakes in judgment and forgiveness. Forgiveness and being kind to and protective of ourselves is strong medicine assuring earlier recovery.

Contact him back and tell him you've changed your mind. You ARE entitled to that. It is a way to reward yourself by eliminating the recriminations you obviously feel. Your child within will love you and feel gratitude for finally being important enough to protect. It can grow from there. Be firm and final and tell him DO NOT contact you in the future. Change phone number, etc. if it helps.

Then reward yourself further with some kind of cherished activity or gift. Hey, go to Disneyland and enjoy watching the other kids.

I challenge you to find something positive about yourself. You certainly deserve to feel positive. Also, break the date and go treat yourself good - a self date.

You have got to break this cycle. Don’t accept the invitation to go to his place, do not have sex with him. You know he is using you, so with that knowledge you can just say no and stop it. You will have more respect for yourself afterwards. Find someone worthy of you, you deserve better. I know it is easier to give advice than to take it, but now you have our support here, because you have opened up to us and discussed it and we are willing you to change from this dependency on him. He sounds like a worthless piece of shit to keep doing this to you, but you have the power now to stop, so be a strong woman!

I really like this update!

I think many of us, myself included, are looking for someone to connect with intellectually, emotionally, and physically. I suspect when we find that rare connection, we are reluctant to let it go, even when the quality of the connection is negative, perhaps falling into the mindset that any connection is better than no connection. We have to be mindful of not falling into that trap.

Don’t devalue yourself....if this is the typical pattern, then expect that. And remind yourself that it is his lose not yours. The right man will come along for you. Don’t chase a fairy tale that you already know the end to.

It’s not easy to be alone and pretty much everyone has flaws. Is there any way for you to shift the paradigm and make it to where sex is all he’s good for? All the men who talk to you here must see something else of value in you because we’re certainly not getting any action.

From a guy's point of view:
Cut off all ties, communication, visiting, any and all interaction. No matter how small. Time for you to close that chapter of your life. I've not looked at your profile... if you're unattached. Move.

Somehow you have to tell yourself that he’s basically contacting you because he’s sure the same thing will happen and he probably hasn’t had female companionship for a while.

So yeah, he’s using you. Up to you..have sex if you want but remember he probably doesn’t want anything more than that.

Amy we're behind you-if you don't want to go then don't. Remind yourself of no child support and the other things that annoy you. You deserve better.

You're not defective, and that's why you broke up with him and have the strength to stay broken up. You can't go forward, if you keep taking steps backward. This is a familiar story to me, as I used to give in every time, but not anymore. Use the words "never again" and stick to it. You are better than that. You deserve better. Talking is fine, but let it end with that.

You're not defective, you are human. Just because you agreed to meet him doesn't mean that you have to actually meet him. You yourself said you know how it's going to end. Call him back and say you've changed your mind and that you are worth more than just a piece of meat. I may be difficult at first, but it will get easier over time. @Livia gave some excellent advice, I really hope you take it and focus on yourself. Forget him, he's not worth the heartache and disappointment. You are worth more than that.

Sounds like addictive self-destructive Behavior to me you simply have to have the willpower to say no it's your choice do you want to be happy in your life or continue to play the same old sad song and dance over and over I know loneliness sucks but there are worse things than being lonely especially if they make you feel like crap about yourself by the way never ask anyone to beat or hit you,you may have meant it in jest but this the type of social attitude and behavior that is dragging us down as a species and perpetuates violence against women

I can't really add much to the other comments but he's an ex for a reason and you're not defective you're human with all the frailties and second guessing that comes with being one.

The toughest step is the first one, that step is to not go and not repeat the cycle, trust me you are not leaving anything behind that you need. Good luck

Understand that since you guys were a thing then he knows which button to press. Tell yourself you're vulnerable to that. Be aware and just don't do it.
You're not defective just vulnerable to him in particular.