A comparative study of world religions
Catholicism
If shit happens, I deserve it.
Protestantism
Shit won't happen if I work harder.
Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to me?
Buddhism
When shit happens, is it really shit?
Islam
If shit happens, take a hostage.
Hinduism
This shit happened before.
Hare Krishna
Shit happens Rama Lama Ding Dong
Rastafarisansim
Let's smoke this shit.
(source unknown)
I think "If shit happens, blow shit up" also works for Islam.
Catholicism
If shit happens you shouldn't have used a condom
Church of England
If shit happens you need to define what shit is first, nothing is just black and white
Church of Scotland
If shit happens it's some woman's fault
Church of Ireland
If shit happens it's some English man's fault
Baptist
If shit happens it's because god hates you
Southern baptist
If shit happens it's because god really hates you
Westboro baptist
If shit happens it's because god hates fags
Spiritualist
If shit happens it's an evil spirit, or a demon
Quaker
If shit happens sit quietly and it will go away, or you'll die, either way it will stop
Methodist
If shit happens it's all part of the greater plan.
Seventh day Adventist
If shit happens it's your fault for having the wrong Sabbath
Televangelist
If shit happens it is because you didn't send me enough money
Mormon
If shit happens pay more tithing
Jehovah's Witness
If shit happens that's nothing the world is about to end
Scientologist
If shit happens watch a Tom Cruise movie
I like this, there’s a lot if truth there. We atheists just know when shit happens it’s our own and we should clean it up ourselves!