Hello

Sam-i-am, I'm posting this because it might help you in future endeavors. It is important to preface this, I'm an Atheist and I view human beings as what we are; animals that have the ability to think before we act.

Sexual attraction is dynamic, not static, or throughout our lives we have all manner of attractions to others for any number of reasons and sexual attraction is something one must figure out through trial and error. Some of us allow cultural norms, folkways and mores to determine what we do or do not act on. The Universe could give a crap less if one day you're sexually attracted to women, the next men, and the next both or none. It doesn't really matter. What matters is your and whomever else you have sexual relations happiness. As you move forward in your personal process of discovery it will be helpful to understand what sexual attraction is. It is the primitive desire to reproduce. Now, you may ask, why in the world would a biological imperative urge me to be sexually attracted to someone of the same sex? There is no 'reproduction' possible in that. I have a theory on this, but my theory doesn't really matter, what matters is if/when you make decision on your temporary happiness you consider the other person as well. As you grow older you'll find so does what makes you happy, as will it with others. This is natural. So sexual attraction is dynamic (or it changes) it doesn't stay the same. As we have the ability to think before we act we can decide to make commitments and follow through with them. But this artifical, a commitment you made to not act on changes in your feelings that will inevitably take place.

Most of the time such issues come down to actually understanding what makes you happy in the first place. After all, how can you seek happiness if you don't even know what you're looking for?

I guess the gender issue in this post is because i feel like a whore going from one guy to the next on a dime like that but i want to think its beyond a basic bitch and a fuck boy succumbing to primal behavior. I want it to be because he digs my soul, not because he thinks hes better than my ex in my bed, idk what im trying to say I'm obviously confused and scarred shitless about my life and future right now, yo.

This is a complicated situation so I wanted to take my time with it, as well as maybe ask some questions if you're willing go deeper with a stranger. Before any of that though, I gotta agree with many of the others in pointing out that alcoholism is a huge red flag. It has a way of ruining relationships, and angry alcoholics in particular become dangerous when they get comfortable. When you're pursuing a new relationship, you're always showing your best face, but it's when you get comfortable that the real you comes out. I'm sure you can imagine what that looks like in an angry drunk.

I agree with your mom you do have to be friends first so you can give it a shot but make sure your still able to be friends. You don't want to lose a friend over this.

Whew....I'm glad I'm not young.

you won't know unless somethng changes i guess, during this time how did you feel when he had a partner? i take it he is currently single

Do what makes you happy, but my argument is in the words "the body my soul was given." I have zero belief in humans being "given" a soul and that soul being the real you. I argue instead that you are the soul. You became a living soul.

I'm sort of like you in some ways. I'm a demisexual, nonbinary, partial transmale, who lives as an androgynous female. I'm very pretty and petite and attract men like crazy, but I have always seen men as pals and peers.

But until 2014 I assumed I was a hetero cis female, being unaware of gender issues.

I didn't "want" to be a male as a child, instead, I always subconsciously assumed I was, and my family and peers treated me that way also. I had a rude shock when I entered puberty and was forced into the "girl" role. I had little choice but to play along after realized that boys were only going let me keep hanging with them if they "liked" me romantically.

As an adult, I love having ballroom/jitterbug dance and hiking partners so agreed to going out on dates, but dreaded the time when the guy eventually would eventually push me to fish or cut bait, because that meant we either had to break up, become physical, or live together.

When I did that, I'd soon feel uneasy and claustrophobic, wishing we could continue being pals forever.

Demisexuals have no sexual attraction for anyone or any gender until after well over a year of close association. Then often their libido matches or surpasses (in my case) that of a man. That said, I still could take sex or leave it, and didn't like being forced into the female role.

Ultimately only do what makes you truly happy

I don't know what you should do. I'm not sure you even know what you want to do. The rationalist in me says: "Wait, see what happens." The romantic in me says: "Yolo."

It sounds to me like you're not totally happy about your gender, which makes romance a bit more confusing. It may be confusing for all of your life, I don't have a crystal ball.

So I will tell you what I DO know:

Love is never wrong. Sex might be wrong, getting married might be wrong, walking away might be wrong, but love is never wrong. Your homie clearly cares for you, as he's stuck around for years. I don't think you need to rush into things...baby steps. If it keeps feeling right, take another step. Keep your hopes up, but keep your wits about you.

Both could be true....it might be a ripened relationship AND a total disaster. Honestly, there's really no way to know how things turn out. We bring our brightest hopes, and best behavior to the banquet, but there's never any guarantee of happily-ever-after. Some people will say they know how to weed out the bad apples and the lost causes, but do they also unintentionally weed out people who would love them deeply? How can we ever know this?

Your boyfriend was right to be concerned. The reason being he knows how his kind thinks.
Women are typically more able to be "just friends" and mean it than males. And now you see it.
Live your life. You are very young and beautiful. Enjoy yourself. You owe no one your life.