I find it strange.

So many people in my life are telling me to find a man, and that he will help me achieve my full potential. (Why it couldn't be a woman is beyond me [even just a friend]). I spent my early 20's watching Sex in the City, so this is befuddling to me in 2018.

I recently posted about finishing up my masters degree, and the trials I overcame in doing so. There was a man in my life; after my divorce, from a very abusive spouse. The man I was dating after my divorce, was an alcoholic. He was never physically abusive, like my ex was, or mentally/verbally abusive. However, his drinking interfered in our relationship to a high degree. Late night arguements were an every other day occurrence; my needing sleep for school, and him screaming at the television while playing video games at 2am. I finally kicked him out back in February. Everything was my "fault." I should be more "supportive of his struggles with alcoholism." On and on, and on. And frankly with everything I've endured in life, I do not want to fix anyone. I'm still fixing me. Notice my words i'm fixing me I'm not expecting anyone else to do that for me. And I take the necessary steps to do so. I don't back out of therapies, claiming nothing is wrong with me and everything is someone else's fault. I face my shortcomings.

I've never been in a healthy relationship. Abuse perpetrated on me,...addiction interfering,... the list is mountainous. And so I ask myself, is it really worth it?

Men my age are strange to me, also. It seems that men my age increase their expectations of physical beauty when it comes to female partners. Women are expected to age backwards. No wrinkles. No physical ailments. Everything must be high and tight, while men are allowed to go bald and have large guts, sagging asses and cough testicles, grey hair, and be overly critical of others while ignoring their own shortcomings. I personally couldn't care less about any sagging, or balding, or wrinkles. What I do care about? Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Work hard, with me, to secure a safe and prosperous future for us. If you're lazy, kick rocks! They also tend to play games, be quite negative, and cannot seem to make up their minds on anything. I have explored the whole dating thing several times recently, to no avail.

So with all that said..... whatever man thinks he is a match for me.... you better bring a whole lot to the table, because the way I see it, I'm looking forward to enjoying my freedom and my money all to myself. I've decided I'm not going to compromise. Ertha Kit had the right idea. Compromise, what compromise? I love myself, and I'd like you to join in loving me, also. Just as I'd love them. Men are an afterthought. Relationships are an afterthought. I can find physical satisfaction anywhere. Especially with myself. The intimacy I crave comes with far too much baggage, it seems.