So, I am a mom to three boys. I love having three boys. Having children was not an easy journey for me, it took seven years for me to have my first child. The fact that I now have three healthy, thriving children is at times, unbelievable even. I spent so many nights lying in bed dreaming of having a family and also preparing myself for a life without them.

This being said, Im often shocked at the comments I get from people, perfect strangers even, when they find out I have three boys and no girls. Im often asked, will you try for a girl? When I was pregnant with my third, countless people reacted to the news of my pregnancy with “I bet you are hoping for a girl” or “Maybe you will finally get a girl this time.” Im bombarded with comments like “Wow. They must keep you busy!” “You must be tired all the time”. “I bet you can’t wait for a granddaughter one day”.

The worst is when these comments are made right in front of my boys. Implying that somehow my boys just aren’t enough. Or that I am disappointed that one of them hadn’t been born a girl. That I am missing out and somehow incomplete because I will never mother a daughter.

Im a pretty shy person by nature. I avoid confrontation at all cost, so when these situations occur, I find myself just smiling politely and saying things like, “yep, three boys!” Or “they keep my on my toes for sure!” The unfortunate times my boys witness this, I give them reassuring winks as we walk away and I typically give them a few extra hugs that night at bedtime and make sure they know how much I wanted each one of them, just how they are.

What Id like to say to these people, if I could find a voice in those awkward times is way more profound that what ends up coming out of my mouth about being a mother to all boys. I wish I could tell them all the things Ive learned and how being a mom to boys has opened my eyes to things I never would have thought of or experienced otherwise. Motherhood changes all of us and in ways that we don’t quite notice until we look back at our ourselves before children.

Being a mom to boys has taught me to recognize this phenominon of toxic masculinity and fight back against the “Be a man” or “boys don’t cry” and “thats for girls”. I have become very aware of my responsibility to help them learn to be kind. Thats its ok to be soft and compassionate. I commit myself to teaching them how to treat women with respect and worry constantly that the world will try to shape them into something they aren’t because of BS stereotypes.

I have learned to exist in a world of fortnite and minecraft. I have a favorite superhero and I now count down the weeks until the next Avengers movie. We fight dragons and talk about swords and guns and bugs and snakes. My standard for messiness and dirty has completely changed in the years that these guys have arrived in my life. However, we also draw and paint and make things. Our favorite bedtime book is The Paper Bag Princess. I have one boy who crys at the end of sad movies. He wears his heart openly and proudly sensitive in a way that even I as a girl don’t understand. He seems acutely aware of others’ feelings and will surprise you with a hug when you yourself didn’t even know you needed one. I have a boy who likes music and video games and wearing bright, tie dye tee shirts and cooking. I have a boy with long hair. He takes yoga on tuesdays and he loves the color black and fighting with toy swords. Just because I have three boys doesn’t mean Im having the same experience raising them all.

Im completely fine being the only girl in my all boy house. I don’t feel like Im missing out on having a daughter because its not my reality. I don’t know how to miss something Ive never experienced. Most days my life is busy. Its loud. Its chaotic. I spend a crazy amount of time in my car running here and going there. Dropping this one off and picking that one up. I feel like Im running a frat house sometimes, but every single minute of every single day, I feel incredibly lucky and grateful I get to be the mom of these boys. Im sure Ive hit the jackpot.

I bet the moms of girls and the moms of girls and boys feel the exact same way.