Does anyone have favorite ways to curse, express a negative opinion, or comedically relate stress verbally? I spent 5 days moving a business and I got to explore this part of my expression. I get colorful and crude, but it can be funny and it's less permanent than murder. Some of my favorites include:

This is as organized as a shit fight between monkeys! (Extreme and unacceptable chaos)
I feel useless - like I'm standing here with one thumb in my ass, the other in my mouth, and trying to figure out when to switch! (Utter and complete uselessness)
... like a pack of retards trying to fuck a door knob and I'm stuck on the other side! (Trepidation about an impending issue)
Oh, well may Jesus fuck your mom and shit in your mouth... (annoyed with someone being insincere in their politeness)
Oh, Dry fuck me in the ear!/Fuck me running sideways! (Variations to express frustration)
... as polite as an unwanted pregnancy (extreme displeasure that will eventually resolve after problems are addressed)
I'd rather shove a glass rod in my dickhole and punch it! (Extreme rediscence to engage an activity)
This is a full on tits on a bull type scenario... (recognition of complete uselessness)
I'd rather pop a porcupine inside out and fuck it! (Aggressive rejection of a proposed plan of action)
Isn't this a cactus butt plug... (recognition of a bad situation that would be made worst if responded to hastily or with poor planning)

I say terrible things often and it soothes my soul when I'm stressed. Hearing me do it means I feel very comfortable around you. I know I'm not for everyone... but for those that get me, I work pretty well.

Tell me if you have any favorites in your repertoire and enjoy the day!