Indeed. I also really believed and remember clearly my justifications at the time. I realise now it was wish thinking, fear of loss, fear of pointlessness. Admitting you were wrong after years, right from childhood, of being convinced is a huge thing. The feeling of disappointment took it's toll on me and it takes enormous courage to be that honest with yourself and those who know you. I don't feel foolish for what I believed in because I understand WHY I believed it. It also means I now understand why people still believe even against all reason.