Hi Clare,I know it is hard losing a loved one,but you did the right decision joining Agnostic.com as there are so many people that can give you advice, and something to concentrate on.Take up a sport or recreation such as painting or sculpture etc or play chess and reading books.You will never forget your wife but life must go on,that is what I am thinking your wife would have wanted you to do.

I am so sorry @Clare. Sure you miss her, sure you are hurting! There is nothing that you can do just now...but attend to the hurting. It will subside in time and all that you will be left with is the 'love,' that you and your wife shared. That will, just become a part of your nature and you will carry on and build a life that fits...now! It will get better. I have no partner to loose in death, but I am loosing friends and family. I believe the love that we share with 'special' people, never dies within us...and in some way, helps us to carry on, once we get past the 'shock' of it all. And, I will add, it comes and goes in intensity. Just today, I was very sad about my friend that 'left' over the holidays...of all times! But, I believe that as soon as we can, these people that we loved and loved us, would want us to carry on with a good life...even though our tears! My best...

Hi Clare, I lost my wife of 49 years on Sept. 1, 2015. I'm so much better now but it certainly was not easy or quick. I was sick after she got sick and I was in the hospital when she died. I felt so guilty that I could not be with her. I have never felt so helpless in my whole life. I am a very positive person but in that period of time I didn't care about anything. I know what you mean when you say what do I do now because I felt the same way. It's ok to cry. I went a long time where I could not talk about her without crying my guts out. I don't know if your doctor can help with medication, but I'll tell you I was so depressed I told my doc that I would be willing to do anything, even shock treatment , to make me feel better. I don't know in your situation but she got me on a small dose of zoloft and hooked me up with a therapist and very slowly I got better. My wife and I both have been atheists since the late sixties but friend talked me into going to her church's grief counseling group. I went twice and could not take the religious dogma because it was all bullshit. Even though right now it seems quite impossible to get better, but you will, in time. We are the atheist/agnostic/widowers and we can helpveach other. If you need someone to talk to from this perspective please do not hesitate to message me and I will give you my email and phone number, you are not alone.

It's obviously way too early yet my friend

Clare, first I am so sorry about your wife dying. I don't think it's depressing -- I think it's the human condition. I know it doesn't seem like it, but in time it will not hurt as much. It will still hurt -- probably always -- but not as much.

When my fiance died, there was a community message board that was my rock. It helped me. Some of the members on there are religious, but by and large the support, the answers, the camaraderie, etc. was pretty secular (otherwise, I would not have stayed). There are some people who are longtime members and they are so kind, so generous with their time, and so very helpful. One in particular, Dave, was immensely wise and kind; and his openness about his own wife's death is moving.

Here is the link. I have zero affiliation with it. I was just once one who's love just died. Take care. [thelightbeyond.com]

Hi,

My husband died a long time ago, but I never forget how much pain I was in early on. It's horrible it gets easier to bear, in time. Lean on whatever support system you have. And as cliche as it is, take each day as it comes. Cut yourself slack. You have my condolences and well wishes.

Hey Clare, yeah it sucks. I lost mine over 12 years ago. The thing that helped me was a change in environment and work. I went from being a CEO to picking tomatoes at my friend's farm. Mindless outside work with no responsibility. Don't stay home and stare at the walls. Come visit if you need a place to go. Your pal, Tom

My son (25) passed just over 6 months ago. All I can say is that it becomes survivable, at least moments will come when you think so. Greiving is awful, it changes you, but not entirely for the worst. Don't look for an end to it, it is an adjustment, a long one. You will grieve for the loss of yourself as much as her. Trying to escape it doesn't help in the long run. My best advice for now is find others who have lost someone, it will help with feelings of isolation and navigating rough times ahead. All my best- Tara

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Stay Strong. Think about what do you think she will like you to do and how to act now that she is gone. Remember most likely she will want you to be happy. I recommend you to take some partnered dance lessons, will help you to socialize and get in close proximities with strangers in a healthy environment. Peace.

There are other widowers here-maybe you can chat with them and trade war stories.