had a bad night, woke up only to pee and otherwise slept all morning, felt that i dreamt but remembered nothing of it, which is odd for me,finally decided to get up and stay up at after my fiancé inadvertently awoke me about 2:30 this afternoon and was immediately hit by a horrendous thigh cramp. began making dinner so that we could finish eating in time for him to go (without me) to shul for erev yom kippur (i was going to go but i have reason to want to make sure i am able to go out tomorrow, and if i knocked myself out tonight, that might be jeopardized). yes, i am an atheist, but i like erev yom kippur, and tomorrow after a medical procedure i intend to meet up with my guy at shul for services and then break-the-fast. neither of us is actually fasting, for health reasons. he is not an atheist and he is a bit disgruntled not to be able to fast, but i insisted. he must eat. so i made a lovely matzaball soup, with chicken, and the matzaballs came out big and fluffy. i read him an article about jews in the wild west, and we got to talking about a bunch of stuff, and then because i was telling him about agnostic.com, i asked him what kind of god he believed in. he got MAD! he was furious. he couldn't tell me a thing. he said my question was insane. i wasn't trying to hurt him or make him stop believing as he does; i just wanted to know. i've known him for 18 years and i don't know what this god is that he believes in. he left the room but didn't stay mad long. the cab came and picked him up, and off he went, looking very nice in his good clothes. and here i am, having listened to hillary clinton interviewed by rachel maddow and now listening to lawrence o'donnell.

tomorrow i'll wake up very early, take my meds, go back to sleep, then wake up in time for lunch, after which i have my independent living specialist coming over to take me wherever i need to go and help me with any paperwork i need to do, some of which can't be done if my guy isn't home, since it involves him. he may be at services. he's not terribly religious, despite his anger at my question, but tomorrow is the holiest day on the jewish calendar. even jews who never otherwise go to shul sure do go on that day. i don't feel compelled, but i actually enjoy it. after we take care of business, my ils worker will drive me to the hospital, where i will have an endometrial biopsy. that will be extremely painful and i am scared, as well as being scared of the result, as cancer is suspected and this test is to find it (or find it's not there). it's odd to dress up nicely for such a procedure but afterwards a cab will take me to shul, where i will meet up with my guy, listen to the end of services, and stuff my face with kugel and lox. i like that part! the music is good too. i am not offended by any of it. jews don't do fire and brimstone. and how many chances do i have to dress up, after all?

g

Not that, but good luck!

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