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I used to think I had anger management issues when it comes to relationships, but I recently pondered my behavior and have concluded that I actually have trust issues. Why is it so hard for people to just do what they say they are going to do, no excuses? This happens with dating and with friends. If you aren't actually going to show up or call back or whatever, just say so! Am I being unreasonable?

Bevzilla 5 Sep 18
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15 comments

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0

No, no you're not. Unfortunately, there is pressure for people to agree to things they don't actually intend to do. However, this should dissipate by your mid 40s. If it doesn't they're having a hard time growing up.

0

Social cowardice is more and more of an issue. We now have the term "ghosted" to describe this behavior. It happens enough that has a name. The best thing to do is realize that the kind of person who does this is not worth pining over.

1

And why is it so hard for people to not allow you to express yourself without turning it around and making it personal about them? This is my biggest pet peeve and I've had to end relationships with people that are just too self-centered. If you keep these people in your life they can make you crazy! ?

0

No

0

I struggle with this as well! It feels so insincere. Although I don't think of it as an anger management issue for myself, it does affect my perception of those who fall drastically short of their own words.

0

Not at all.

1

I think when people say they will do something and they don't then they either don't care and don't want to do it, or they have a really bad memory. I would not count on them anymore. I don't ever go back on my word unless it's extenuating circumstances.

2

I used to think I had anger issues then I realised most people are arseholes

0

I try to always be thoughtful of the other person especially when it comes to meetings and or appointments no it's not too much to ask.

0

Unreasonable no, unrealistic these days, maybe. I hate to say it but I don't think anyone is trust worthy.

I think there is also the issue of last-minute planning. Now that we all have cell phones, nobody wants to commit to anything in particular because something better to do might come along.

2

Not being unreasonable no. This is what we all expect and require in 'good' friendships and relationships. Perhaps the bigger question is your choice in who are trusting and their ability to meet your expectations. Your expectations are simple and minimal. If they don't have decency and consideration, then perhaps you need to rethink your friends list. Hopefully, if potential relationships are not considerate then they are showing you these flag flags early on so that you can move on and find someone who will not bring you doubt thinking you have anger or trust issues.

1

"the road to hell .."..answer is complex. I usually tell people that "I trust you to do what you think is best" which is a diplomatic way of saying if I know them well and really trust them that they will do what they say and if I don't know them or trust them that I don't freaking know what they will do...so I guess I deal with my trust issue by having low expectations. Awkwardly phrased, but assume you get the gist

0

Not unreasonable at all. As to why people are not up front in the first place, at least some of the time: cowardice.

Zster Level 8 Sep 19, 2018
3

The anger comes from the lies and from the fact that they don't care about your feelings. I think that the anger is hurt. You can't change someone, but you can move on.

0

No, you are not unreasonable at all. My ex had trust issues. I befriended a woman online and she found out, angrily saying that I had a Kansas City girl friend. This caused a lot of trouble and many believed it. Since I worked my 8 hour shift and came straight home every night when did I see this woman? It takes 4 hours to drive to Kansas City. Do the math.

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