Jesus said, "I impregnated , my mom, so I could grow up and commit suicide, but I had to because being all knowing I created this guy name Satan, and I give him all kinds of power and knowledge then I put him in the garden with two people I had just created not knowing right from wrong or good or evil with an enchanted tree that would give them that knowledge and told them it's wrong to eat from it, (they didn't have a clue) So when Satan got them to eat from it ( I knew he would) I stood by and watched and made sure that this sin was passed on to all generations because I had created this torture chamber (Let's call it hell) that I could throw people into it and watch them burn, (I just can’t help myself), So because I am all powerful and all knowing I did these things, I had to make sure that I was beaten and spit on so I could commit suicide by cop cause it was all a setup in the Garden in the first place ... Don't believe me? you just gotta have faith It’s one hell of a plan"... lol
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Putting it all in plain English is a great idea to open the eyes of the blind deniers, LOL!
Should be a meme!
birdingnut
Level 8
Sep 19, 2018
1
So... he never said that.
Benthoven
Level 8
Sep 19, 2018
0
Are you saying Jesus is not God and the bible is a lie?
@reponeus First of all, we don't know what Jesus said. We have four evangelists who claim to have first-hand knowledge, but there's yet to be any evidence unearthed that shows his personal viewpoints. The closest we probably have to Jesus' own beliefs would be that of his little brother James, and in James there's no mention of any of those things... only about being kind, taking care of the poor, and using action not words.
However, can the story be distilled down to the above statement? And the answer is far too complicated. We're dealing with two different gods: Yahweh and Jehovah. And Yahweh is himself a conglomeration of Canaanite and Egyptian gods that both sound like El... a warrior god. The Pentateuch is a conglomeration of four different writers and a redactor, and they all had their own political version of this god and who got to be priests... i.e. Moshite vs Aaronite.
Later scriptures then took on Babylonian and Zoroastrianism ideologies, making the post-exilic god (not to mention Israel) a very different person.
It was Paul, a thug and Temple cop (not a Pharisee as he claims to be) who took "Jesus" and turned him into "Christ" and then canvassed the Mediterranean with a Hellenistic version of the gospels that Jesus never heard of. In fact, by his own admission in Galatians, he was dogged by James and Peter who were trying to undo the damage that he had done.
Granted, that isn't going to be understood by your typical low-information Evangelical, but it can be understood by us. I'm all for poking at the ideology of some of these people, but I think we need to be careful about the words we put in Jesus' mouth, since we don't actually have any recorded speeches or talks or even platitudes that we can trace directly back to him.
And that statement from the patient m'lud closes the case for the prosecution in this sanity hearing.
LenHazell53
Level 9
Sep 19, 2018
1
Lucifer and I am doing a guitar session right now. I can ask him.
Hold on a sec... I TOLD HIM NOT TO USE THE PITCHFORK! uSE A DAMN PICK! I'm taking his fork from him, and he will be in time-out for a while.
TheGreatShadow
Level 9
Sep 19, 2018
0
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