Attacked by the Heart and feeling jaded.

Three weeks ago I was attacked again by my heart, apparently a previous fix had gotten clogged and was in need of repair. FYI these attacks are quite uncomfortable to say the least, my advice is to take care of yourself and avoid them at all costs. However; I did get some intelligent and good looking nursing care in the hospital . Also set up a way to get in touch with people to let them know what’s going on if such an event occurs. For me the damage is minor, my rhythm appears to be back to normal per all the medicos who look at it and I was able to return to work a week later.

It has left me a bit less filtered/reserved than before and in some cases a bit jaded, yet maybe not enough. In getting back to doing things, I’ve kept one of my dearest friends informed of what I’m doing; more of a teasing really. She keeps trying to tell me to “slow tf down”, ease into things, stay off the roof (cleaning gutters), and let others help me. She stated that the I’m not one to slow down etc. which is part of my charm and she’s under the reasonable impression that I wouldn’t let others help me if they did offer; that’s just me being particular and feeling like a burden when being helped even in a medical emergency. For the record I will let others help me if they know what they’re doing and it meshes with how I would do it . I would argue that the right person could get me to slow down, but I am unsure she exists.

I don’t feel that I can or am allowed to and there’s certainly no one trying or enabling me to slow down. Being single appears to intensify this feeling. With the exception of a few people, there are few that actually hear and see that you may need more time, more care, or more “let me do its” to help you through. I know that it comes down to the simple fact that I’m the only one who can affect change in my situation (well not much doing on the being single part), but when I’m down and out it would be nice if someone cared enough and was able to get me to slow down; at least a little.

I’m sure that there are a few of you out there who understand what I am going through and were I’m coming from.

Would you care to share your experience?