I'm a very independent woman, but I love it when anyone holds the door for me, plus they always get a thank you.

IMHO... I don't see many people going around with a chip on their shoulder ready to get offended. When it's convenient both men and women seem to enjoy having doors opened or whatever and doing the same for me when it works out that way.

Maybe I'm just getting older and less firm. I heard a comment years ago that a man can tell when he's 'past it' when women start being nice to him again. When he's too young to be a threat, women will be pleasant. When he's at a potentially aggressive age, they keep their distance. When he's too old again they start being nice again.
Part of problem is likely the way men are -- when they are most able, they are often by nature a threat.

I figured this all out awhile ago. I remember times, like in traffic if I gave the right away to a man he'd always give me a nod or a wave but women often didn't acknowledge the gesture at all. Once I was fishing and I tried to ask this woman about the fishing, and she just simply didn't respond at all. It made me angry, but based on things I actually heard since those days, evidently it is because they get too much unsolicited attention by aggressive guys.... so at times they decide it's better to appear rude than chance giving someone "an in" to unwanted and awkward advances.

I think that sometimes we just meet grumpy people. I am usually pretty courteous and hold doors open for men and women - and sometimes either get no thank you or a grunt.

I just let it slide and refuse to let my standards drop (by my standards admittedly) and will continue to be polite.

The only time I don't like it is when someone makes it a production. I.e. running to get in front of me or even worse using it as an excuse to start an unwanted conversation. I shouldn't have someone run up in front of me get in my way tonopen a door and then think they have a right to a conversation or be told to smile then promptly calling me a bitch for not responding with a giggle and a smile. (Yes this happens guys and this is why we get "grumpy" ) Now if you're just being nice and open a door that's awesome! I think a lot of us chicks have just had that used for an excuse to start something one too many times. I will open doors for people all the time if I'm in the right spot to do it.... I've never used that interaction to tell someone to smile or prevent them from going and doing whatever they needed to do on the other side if the door

Dear Nice Guys,

I have high confidence in my ability to discriminate between when you are legitimately being nice, for niceness' sake, and when you have an agenda. I am very observant and have good memory, so I trust my accounting of how many guys-with-agendas hold the door for me in any given month (hint: not many).

I also give everyone the benefit of the doubt when it comes to recognizing that I am not a grouchy feminist. If I don't smile at you when you hold the door for me, I expect a reasonable person would conclude that I probably have a headache or something instead of jumping right to "chivalry-killing feminazi."

Nice is nice, and I know it when I see it. I don't take it personally when someone relates to me from their cultural programming. I get frustrated when someone gets tetchy with me for not relating to them through their cultural programming--but I don't take it personally.

I'll admit it: I really don't like it when I see a guy catch sight of me and then his face lights up and he's suddenly super happy to be standing next to that door, watching me approach with a huge smile and sparkling eyes. It makes me feel bad for all the fat, ugly, old, disabled or disfigured, non-female (and possibly but not necessarily non-white) people who he doesn't treat that way. I feel guilty. He's not doing anything wrong, and I don't resent him, but I still feel a little bad. As I go through the door (under his expectant gaze) I try to make a polite acknowledgement without making eye contact or smiling too broadly. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

Anyway, carry on being nice and holding the door for anyone, for any reason. A woman who snaps at a man for holding the door for her isn't doing so because of her feminism--its because she's a bitch.

Sincerely,
A Woman Who Recognizes and Appreciates Genuine Kindness

P.S. I think you're absolutely spot on.

I do hold the door open and open the door for my wife. I haven't had an opportunity to do that for others. Yet... it's just a commen courtesy to me without any type of I'm in control issue.

I prefer not to joust women, or anyone for that matter. Lol. But yeah, I'm just being polite if I open or hold the door for the person behind me, or people with me. Body language and placement are important in conveying ones status.

I believe in equal rights...period. That's what being a feminist means. I love having doors opened for me. I'm happy to hold doors open for others--depends on who gets there first. If you hold a door for me, whatever your gender, you'll get thanks and a smile. I also believe in courtesy.

I think it's nice that you open doors for people, as long as you're not getting it anyone's way our blocking traffic to do so. I am a woman, and I also peel grocery carts off the row for those who come after me, and other things like that. But please give women a pass if they don't like having doors held open for them by men --not all men are like you, and their live experiences (rightfully) inform their attitudes and behavior.

Had a situation like that at a former job. I hold doors open for people (just the way that I was brought up). She came up behind me...and I held the door. She got snarky: "I'm a woman! Not a cripple! I can open my own door!" That was more than enough for me. I closed the door in her face and sat down. She came into the break room...a bit red in the face. My comment in return: "so how is that equality working for you?"

I agree... I heard one woman say that men do that so that men can stare at a woman's ass! Nice men just can't win!

Love the courtesy! Very rare these days.

You may open a door for me at any time. we all need to have doors opened for us sometimes, and thank you, kind sir!

I am all for two door entryways. First to arrive gets the first door, second one gets the second. If part of a group, first to the door holds for the group.

If you mess it up, you will be flogged!

Having used a walking stick since being run over it has been interesting - not to find how people now fall into three categories.

1. Those who discriminate against the less able.

2. Those who do all possible to assist.

3. Those too inattentive or narcissistic to notice you whether whole bodied or otherwise.

As for door opening I have found that the most polite and helpful have been criminals awaiting their assault hearings in court who leap up and open the court door for me. Worst are fat ugly women embittered by their lot in life who try to deliberately trip up the cripple. Police officers seem to also have a problem, I have a profoundly deaf acquaintance who obtained her police file which revealed that someone had written "this woman is a retard she cannot hear what you say".

Last December I decided to create gaiety in the street and so attached half a dozen tinkling bells to my walking stick which indeed caused small children to search for Rudolf and smile when they found the sound coming from my aluminium cane and its attached bells.

I discovered however it also fortuitously gave audible warning of my approach resulting in otherwise inattentive people moving to make space for me to pass.

It has also resulted, now the festive season has passed, in getting far more pleasantries in my perambulations. My usual response however mostly results in nervous and guilty laughter "Yes the bells warn of my approach from 70 metres away. People no longer, unless they are deaf, have excuse when I beat them to death with my stick if they did not make way for me!"

Please have a thoughtful day.

Q. How do you recognise a well balanced person?

A. They have a chip on each shoulder.

After watching my best friend get cancer and suffer enormously for years and watching his hair fall out and his spirits go I vowed never to do cigarettes or alcohol because of what they did to him and I've tried to warn people about their dangers as much as possible but it seems those efforts have gone to waste because after all that this post gave me cancer.

OK, True story. Back in 1990 I worked with a guy who claimed he was a feminist, I didn't take any notice, he was a bit of a flake, but we had a major success and took our wives on a dinner cruise to celebrate. The restaurant was a quaint old fire boat rejuvenated. As we were leaving I opened the gangway and held it firm for the ladies to disembark. The following Monday when he arrived at work he began by going right off about how offended his wife was at my doing this and he considered it disgraceful that I thought a woman needed my help.

I opened the door once for a guy in a wheelchair. He got real mad because he thought I was belittling him. I was just in a hurry

I think it's nice that you open doors for people, as long as you're not getting it anyone's way our blocking traffic to do so. I am a woman, and I also peel grocery carts off the row for those who come after me, and other things like that. But please give women a pass if they don't like having doors held open for them by men --not all men are like you, and their live experiences (rightfully) inform their attitudes and behavior.

Couldn't agree more.