When i was a retarded wide eyed little theist i used to think that evil was a demon named bilzarbub or something who made teens jerk off, listen to marilyn manson and generally fuck around with people doing Bart Simpson level pranks until some boring wannabe edgy priest cast him screaming back to hell. now i say the real demons are the ones who filled my head with that bullshit.
This reminded me of when I was a child, raised by a religious maniac mother, who terrified me with tales of devils and demons from the earliest age.
When I was about 5 or 6 years old, we had a burst pipe in the attic, this lead to me waking up in the night hearing a wet tapping noise over my bed, terrified I called for my mother who told me it was just a leak in the loft.
For the next five or six years of my life I was in constant feat of "The Lee-Kuh" a terrible green snot creature with a forever dripping nose that lived in the attic, sent by the devil to punish me for being a bad boy.
I was a screw up
I disagree that you were retarded.
I dislike the term and as someone who has worked for years with people that have varying degrees of learning difficulty, find it an insulting and quite discriminatory term.
As a child you bought into the fairy tale and supernatural threats you were sold by those around that you trusted, and when you started to think instead of pray, your intelligence gave you the ability to see the falsehoods for what they were.
You sound quite young and still very angry, but hopefully that will pass as you become more at ease with your new found freedoms of thought.
Welcome to the thinkers, I hope you enjoy your time here and find what it is you are still searching for.
Now that you have rid yourself of all that BS you are free to bask in the beauty and majesty of reality and advance in awareness, appreciation, and gratitude for the mystery of existence.
I remember how paranoid I was when I was a believer. Everywhere I looked, there was the devil, trying to tempt and trip me up. They have a lot invested in keeping themselves and their flocks ignorant, judgmental and defensive against the truth. Imagine how few children would believe their nonsense without intensive indoctrination.