I think she is going back to mom and kansas

I considered that . I am imagining that mental illness is a bit beyond that. Somehow he imagined his daughter and wife being better off. I don't know. I hear ya , but I'm not joining the chorus.

I’m sorry, but people who have to deal with their own severe depression would never say that someone who committed suicide was a “selfish bastard and a coward.” Severe depression is an awful illness. If he could have seen a better way, he would not have killed himself.

I won’t pretend to know what was in his mind nor will I denigrate what your friend is going through. Obviously, her husband’s suicide is something awful to add to the huge psychological burden she is already going through.

Be her friend. Let her know that his suicide is not her fault – because, at some point, that is one of the emotions she will go through (along with anger directed at him). Be supportive in a positive way. Be there for her. Don’t feed the anger by telling her he is a selfish bastard. Instead, help her to try to understand it. He is the man she loved. She will be better served by loving his memory, not by bitterness. In the end, if you keep blaming him, you could damage your friendship.

@Rob1948 I apologize if I stepped on any toes - but it hit a hot button with me. I understand about depression and other mental health issues. I will just say that each situation is different - and my friend - who is still my friend and she tells me that these days I am her ONLY friend - is consumed with the idea that somehow she "missed something"....that it was her fault. I knew her husband - better than she did. Maybe that's why I saw it from that perspective.

@Lavergne thanks. Please, tell her it is not her fault. Encourage her to seek professional help in order to learn how to deal with her guilt. Even professionals struggle at times to reached seriously depressed individuals. It is not her fault.