He probably had good intentions, but I agree with you. Value yourself and show your child how important it is.

Well said.

Next time ask him how things are between him and his wife, and suggest marriage counselling. That will be the last time he needles you about your life.

A guy dies and goes to heaven (ok its a joke). Whilst he is walking around he sees a man in scrubs and he asks St Peter who it is. "Oh thats god. Every now and again he gets a superiority complex and thinks that hes a surgeon".

If it comes up again, simply say, "He was abusive." You won't be lying.

Above and beyond his attitudes, I'm bothered by the fact that he thought his grilling you was appropriate. Why would he think the reasons for your marital status (whatever it may be) are his business? Particularly if you just started working together!! Bad manners at the very least.

Absolutely, you made the right choice! And that surgeon can go to hell (so to speak)! Just like with religion you’d be smarter to avoid feeling you need to educate him and prove your point. Sounds like you might need strong, firm, confident boundaries with this guy. You, and all people—male and female, young and old—deserve to be loved, respected, heard, and to get your/their needs met! I wish you and your son all the best on your new path. ??

I completely agree you made the correct choice.

However, "Why do men seem to think a woman is supposed to swallow . . . " is not accurate as I (a man) and those few males I know DO NOT think a woman is supposed to swallow . . . " if you wold have stated "SOME men" the answer could be:

"Because they are theists that buy the misogynistic teachings of the bible

and/or

"Because they are a self-absorbed misogynist (ass-hat).

and/or

because they are emotionally/intellectually obtuse.
***On a side note: I know a few female (Catholic) theists that assert the same position as your surgeon.

Why would a "professional" who has known you for a couple of hours pry so deeply into your personal life and feel entitled to advise you? I'd be wary, if I were you.

If your ex, for the sake of argument, did have "aphasia" then he's an emotional cripple who can't hold up his end of the bargain and must do something about it. Why does he get a free pass in the relationship because he's incapable? You can have empathy and compassion for him and still not want to be married to him.

This kind of intrusive, impertinent, implicitly judgmental probing is a habit of people in the Bible Belt and sometimes even outside it. I would just say that I prefer to keep things professional and not discuss my personal affairs with colleagues and that you'll appreciate his respecting that boundary. Then shut up. And don't ask him about his life. Stick to small talk.

Easier said than done, particularly when you're his subordinate, but entirely professional.

Wow he tried to Mansplain your own marriage to you?
That's just epic.

You have it so utterly right to put yourself (and your child) first.
I don't care if he took a rod to the head and had aphasia - you can't live that way.

I know surgeons are known for being arrogant a.holes - but really?
If he does it again HR might be useful. It can't be the first time.

Just from what little you've said in this post, I would be inclined to suspect that your ex would probably refuse counseling. If I knew you and happened to be nearby and heard this, I would have jumped all over that guy, surgeon or not. Ugh.

I work with surgeons all day, watch yourself. Keep your business to yourself. That was unsolicited advice that you didn’t need. He is coming from a place of power. When I was separated a couple of years ago. I had one offer to put a pole in the Cath Lab, was asked out by four CV surgeons( all married). Do your work to the best of your ability especially when it’s a new job.

Wtf? Why would you need to be subjected to some bs unsolicited "advice" like that?