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When teenagers are expected (if not encouraged) to date as many people as they can prior to marriage, is divorce after marriage unpredictable? Are children seeking the best character in a partner, or are they seeking to have "fun"?

Rinker33 3 Nov 9
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why should children be seeking anything but fun? why expect a teen to know what s/he is looking for while still a teen? let kids be kids.

g

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Most people who get into relationships do so with people who are not really compatible with them. It's been happening forever. It's why half of all marriages end in divorce, and why a lot of people who remain married seem miserable. This obviously isn't scientific, but I would guess that maybe 20% of people who stay with each other desire each other AND are actually compatible with each other which leads to a better chance of happiness long term. That's probably a high generous number. Compatibility and want are two different things. It's rare to have both at once. It's not an exact science though. It's hard to tell sometimes when you get involved because of the many variables. Who is lying about who they really are and they seem to change? Part of it is looks and those change. Some people really do grow apart and their mentality changes. Etc.

I also think too many or too little choices hinders people's decisions. Just like products. It's been proven that your choice is harder when you have too many choices to choose from. Too little choices and you will settle for something that might not be "ideal" for you.

There are also people who feel like if they settle then they will miss out on the "next best thing". Nothing is ever good enough and they are always searching. No relationship will be sustainable.

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I think marriages break down at a high rate because people take the dog-eat-god attitude in work and in their life outside the house and then bring it home.

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Actually, the divorce rate for millennials is drastically lower than any of the older generations in the US. It's so much lower, in fact, that its pushing the overall divorce rate downward. The flip side of this is that poorer people are less likely to marry in the first place, but for the most part, they're marrying older than previous generations. They're generally waiting until they're more financially stable, vs previous generations. The boomers & the mainstream media need to stop pushing the false narrative that millennials are to blame for the problems they caused... and are continuing to propagate.

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Why on earth would you marry someone who isn't fun? That would be one long and seriously depressing life.
Dating is how you figure out what you want and is an enjoyable social activity. Why should someone not enjoy that stage?
Also, no one below 25 should be getting married or having kids. We are not a labour intensive agrarian society with a 40 year life expectancy.

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I don't think it's bad that divorce is high. I cringe when I hear people say they are getting married. I feel sorry for them. I will cry and not with joy when and if my daughters do.

MsAl Level 8 Nov 9, 2018
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Perhaps some are one or the other, perhaps some are a little of both. I think the biggest problem is that children think once they reach 18 or 21, they have it all figured out and won't ever change or grow as a person. Hell, even the 30, 40, and 50 something people I talk to take this mentality. I mean at 43, most people are only half way thorough their lives, and look at all the changes in attitudes and ideas since birth!! But they seem to think that the next 43 years they will remain intellectually stagnant; and yes, I realize unfortunately the close minded individuals do...even in the face of obvious change.

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Marriage is never predictable. Dating people prior to making a life long commitment makes a lot of sense to me. This way you get a much better picture of what you really are looking for instead of just marrying the first best person you meet. There's nothing wrong with having fun along the way.

Dietl Level 7 Nov 9, 2018
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If they need to date that many people they have no idea what they are looking for. I dated two ladies seriously married number two and we are going on 60 years of very happy marriage.

how should a teen be expected to know what s/he is looking for? and who is doing this expecting if not encouraging?

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@genessa I would think values learned where ever they learned them would be a start,common sense,upbringing and personal choices should round out the picture. I knew enough as a teen ager to determine who I would not date and for what reasons. Those people who (not all but most ) ran around with a different person each week were designated unfavorable names when I was growing up.

@Marine i guess it depends on your definition of "date." a movie and an ice cream are not the same as a roll in the hay!

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@genessa Thought of dating as being more than this.

@Marine not when you're a teen.

g

@genessa then explain teen pregnacies

@Marine don't be silly. i didn't say teenagers never have sex. i said that dating doesn't automatically mean sex. don't confuse two issues. you said dating.

g

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