I went to my fathers funeral today. Really tough and very surreal. I feared I would be the center of attention and it didn't let me down. It was worse than I imagined. Many of the family only learned of me there at the funeral. I really expected to be in the back of the room as is my usual place as the bastard. The family went out of their way to make me a part of the family even sitting me up front with my brothers and sister. Everyone was very welcoming although some were surprised. They are a very religious Evangelical Christian family so I'm sure it really shocked some to hear of me. They all stare at me a lot though because I look a lot like my father. It's freaky how much I not only look like him but act like him from the stories I hear. I would never have thought so much of me was genetic if it wasn't for finding out so much about him. They had poems and letters he had written which for me was the first time I've heard him make a sentence in a sense. I always hate hearing those preachers spewing their bs and have walked out of funerals before but I blew most of it off. I only had to bite my tongue a couple of times. It was a lot to take in and process but I'm very happy I went. It turned out to be a much better experience than I thought overall.
On the subject of preachers at funerals. I attended on a few years back that was held at the funeral home. The first preacher is a very kindly soul who spent time reflecting on the young woman's life, her devotion to her kids, and how her memory can serve us all in practicing a good life. A few references to heaven and the lord's welcoming embrace into the kingdom of heaven. Okay, sounds good enough to me considering that the next preacher strode up to the front and unleashed a "you never know when God will call you....if you have sin, you will be cast into the fiery pit....save yourselfs for death is a thief in the night....you are all sinners until you say the name of the lord as your personal savior......." This went on and on for ten minutes accompanied by thumping of the bible and loud breaths and pants of exhortations. Fun stuff.....lol....By the time he was done, I had forgotten why we were at the funeral home.
We often learn things about our loved ones and elders at their funerals that we never knew while they were living. Hopefully you recognized some positive characteristics that you carry with you as well, and can perpetuate them going forward, as a way as imitating immortality, and/or passing along positive personality traits to the next generation. Funerals are very helpful in the grieving process, even when relationships are fractional, happy, healthy or dysfunctional. Glad your family included you, and recognized your need to grieve as well. Thanks for sharing the experience with us.