I grew up as a Christian...
And as time went by and my faith was challenged by more and more solid evidence that I had been very far from the truth ..as my questions towards leaders got more and more difficult and uncomfortable..as I realized we were wrong I felt abandoned ..left behind..but most of it I felt alone.. Until I realized that I wasn't a Christian..never was ..those doubts and questions had been with me for decades..they were just now openly out there.. I am 44 now...this is who I am..I don't claim to have all the answers anymore...I don't have to tell children they will eternally burn in a lake of fire if they don't believe my truth((((not only wrong..but deeply immoral))).... and that is really fuckin refreshing .. : )
David

Its normal to face big challenges in life that make one look at oneself. Its better not to have any beliefs to hide behind and focus on the person experiencing them. At least worked for me.

Literally everyone, I have resources that can help you in literally less than 10 minutes if you'd like.

I’m curious what you mean by spirituality. Different people define it differently. It’s often defined as: the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things. At that point, I would have to ask what you mean by spirit or soul. Maybe you instead mean meaning in life. Me, I just don’t like the word spirituality as it suggests the paranormal. Just trying to understand your question.

Are you doubting your faith in a god, or are your struggles making you doubt being an atheist and maybe wanting to have faith again. I think the latter is pretty rare although we read about it from muslim clerics and priests but surprisingly don't see many interviews with the prodigal children who apparently return to their faith.

I think your feelings are par for the course at some point for most here.

Struggle while scary is a great opportunity to learn and grow. I like to think in most cases we find out we're much stronger than we previously thought. In regards to your spirituality I'm not clear on what you're saying. I think you'll find that if you believe in yourself you'll find you're more capable of dealing with extreme change than you thought you were. Don't be afraid to fail. Don't be afraid of taking risks. Believe you have worth not to just yourself but to others as well. Stay calm. Storms don't last forever.