What must one change before they can learn and make different decisions?
Well, there's this, which I posted earlier: Fixed vs. Growth: The Two Basic Mindsets That Shape Our Lives - Brain Pickings - Pocket For some reason I can't get the link to post here. Anyway, it's on the site.
Whatever you are choosing to do (or not do) about it right now is the only thing any of us can change for ourselves. Youre right that this probably must include a paradigm shift of your whole belief system. Through either hitting rock bottom, a transcendental or near death experience, a costly mistake or otherwise. Something big has usually gotta come to fruition.
I do not believe anyone can change a persons decisions unless they are able to change that persons belief system. When a persons beliefs like religion are so entrenched they are able to resist even the best evidence and logic that contradicts their beliefs. This is evident by the number of people who practice religion or belong to a particular political party.