I have been on both sides of the issue. My first marriage was a 15 year nightmare that shouldn't have lasted 6 months but I was young and idealistic and religious and therefore Stoopid. I like to think I wised up considerably from that, and I didn't repeat those mistakes.

My now-wife's prior marriage was to a Bad Boy and she had had a lot of serial monogamous BFs who generally fit that description prior and those generally ended due to infidelity toward her. When my predecessor got himself killed by misadventure, I think she was sufficiently fed up to appreciate a Nice Guy (tm). And she's generally done a pretty good job with yours truly.

In business contexts it's popular to say "past is prologue" and there's some truth to that but thinking, intelligent, curious, self-aware people do learn and grow and change, sometimes for the better. I think my wife and I are living proof of that.

My wife and I are divorcing because we can't live happily together or we want different things in life. I decided to move on because I want to live a lifestyle that I want. I believe it is hard for women to discern a good guy from a bad guy. I believe that we men can tell because we are men. We know how other men think and what their intentions are. It's all about their actions and how they treat a woman. On the other hand women have lowered their standards (and men) because they do not want to be alone. Fuck that shit. I live one life and I'm going to be happy and surround myself with positive and intelligent people. Life is too short for unecessary drama. People will complain no matter what. I think a lot of guys get discouraged and jelous because they want their one shot with the girl. i don't have any girls trying to hit me up or talk to me or flirt with me but I don't get discouraged and I know who I am. I understand that any girl who that ends up with me will have a responsible and educated man. Complaints come from lack of confidence. Sorry if this is too long and I also mispelled some words. My bad. lol

I hear you. The martyr complex is a thing. Guys, if you stay, do what you need to do to make it better. Don’t stay out of obligation and bitch about it.

Of course there are issues on both sides. If either side doesn't have much support from friends and/or family then it's harder to leave. If a woman has been taking care of the kids and house, it's harder to leave as they haven't built a career or don't have a separate income. Sometimes the other spouse is so abusive that the person being abused fears for their life if they leave. It's happened before where a person leaves only to be searched out and murdered by the abuser. If you're a man and you want to leave, but you are married and have kids, then you will most likely have to give up half your assets and a big portion of your pay for alimony and child support. So yeah, both sides have difficulties that prevent them from leaving, but if you have support from friends and family, then I don't think there is any valid excuse. And I don't mean just words of support. I mean actual action that helps you. Some people have support and still stay in these relationships because they think the person will change or they think it's their fault. So yeah, it's not black and white, but I have known at least one woman who had all the support in the world and decided to stay with an abuser. It should be judged on a case by case basis.

How much better life would be if we all simply followed our bliss.

We are programmed to think we are incomplete unless we are coupled. This leads so many into loveless relationships.

Could there be,one day a marriage qualification test? Questions,written and verbal,maybe using almost a lie detector to gauge responses? Yes,no romance,but something must be done all the abusive stories,broken homes,kids lives tuened upside down.... Just a though...

Good points. Why some people find or stay with someone who makes them continually unhappy, I don't know. My guess is, unresolved issues in their own lives that they haven't worked out. Only because I've been there myself.

As a father myself who has had difficult marriages it's not easy to leave. there are many things to take into consideration.

I have friends like that too. They bitch on about each other to kingdom come. When I talk to them about leaving, suddenly the other person "is not so bad" or they have been "good" lately. I despair.

People are complicated I guess.