So...I had a blind date at the mall yesterday to go see Santa with my 20 month old baby. I figured if a guy could handle a couple hundred screaming...wild...cranky...confused & LOUD children on the first date...he might actually have enough stones to be considered dateable.

We didn't have a conversation. It was immediately apparent that I needed my stroller. Which was inconveniently left at home by the door. Yay me....great planning right! Oh it gets better...
The line was what seemed a mile long. I instantly said nope because my beautiful plump and squirming baby decided everything was so pretty and Loud that he needed to scream in an ear peircingly ( is that a word? It is now) louder pitch to get everyones attention and show them his excitement. Which was met with laughs and smiles...except by the date. Who at this point was sweating and looked slightly panicked. In my head I'm laughing hysterically at his determination.
So we walk...alot. My date is shorter than expected and I was happy I didn't wear heels... Or a jacket, it was like 1000° in there. Roaming ...roaming aimlessly. Waiting for a stroller rental...that never came. Finally my date took charge and went into Jcpennys to snag a cart...I showed my gratitude by embracing his arm gently to encourage more spontaneous good vibes & ingenuity.
He took that as his opportunity to squeeze my boob. I'm still breastfeeding...so my boobs are sacred to only those I deem worthy to touch them...that being my baby at this point. I pulled away and gave him a look like....duuuuuuude. No! Wtf are you doing?
He half snarled. Like....I owed him a groping??
At this point I thought...OK ass! You just earned a trip through the gauntlet! Ohhhh yes. On to the play area! I took the lead. I said lets go sit and talk! He perked right up, clearly assuming this was his opportunity to shmooz me enough with his words that i would forget being groped. Onward to the play area....?
I quickly walked toward a single bench. No one was using....just as he went to plant himself there I half sat...making him think this was where I was headed. Sike...I rose again, turned and said hold my bag, and half ran to the open gate of the crowded cesspool of tiny screaming humans. As I looked back I could see the delight on his face???.
So off our shoes came...and onward through the maze of bobbing heads and flailing little arms and legs...to the hippo slide and the airplane and stationary truck and back to the slide....you get the point. Around and around we went. Dozens of multicolored festively clad tiny monsters clamoring for a spot...all the while my date looking at his phone and pretend watch to show his impatience. That was not lost on me. Lol
I took video...held my babys hands to steady him while climbing...thinking...just another day...this is my normal life. If this guy is serious about dating me, he needs to wait his turn. That's the reality I'm facing....so then he must face that too.
After 20 gruelling minutes of mind numbing, deafening child's play, I gave in to my dates dead eyed stare across the mall. He looked bereft of hope and for the first time all evening, I realized he was unshaven and had a combover tucked un-neatly under his black ball cap that was frayed and old. This is still a date. He put zero effort into this. This was a planned event and I'm starting to feel that he assumed I was desperate or pathetic enough to just take what I could get.
I work alot! 50- 70 hrs a week. Plus chase a baby...clean a house...keep up on life...and I do it well...at age 46!
Then I thought I was being too judgemental and wasn't giving him a fair shake. So I grabbed my little one, left the area and proceeded to the bench where i sat and asked him if he wanted to talk. He was shy and didn't look me in the face much. He was kind but had nothing to talk about. At that point I realized he was looking at me in a way that made me feel he needed to be understood but was not going to tell me what he wanted me to know. It was awkward. So I asked if he ate. He said he was hungry. At this point I went to caregiver mode. ....so off we went to find food. The food court was teaming with families & fast food & alot of garbage. Lol we sat as he ate. I had stopped at Bob Evan's on the way and had dinner with the baby beforehand. I did buy a strawberry shake and shared it with the baby for hydration...cooling off and the milk protein I'm always worried my baby should have.
My date ate. He talked a little about his various tattoos. I have none to share. He seems like a nice guy. Just lonely and in need of ...something Im sure at this point I can't provide without giving him all of my time and maybe money...idk. I'm a struggling single parent. I am not looking for a guy that needs so much.....what I don't have. There was no laughter. He didn't get my jokes. He liked the baby. He liked my butt and boobs. He liked my earrings. He liked my eyes...once he looked into them. But I got the distinct feeling he is going through a thing that I cannot fix. I don't want to be a solution to a problem.
We didn't click. Which made me sad. I'm lonely too. I'm looking for a walking talking giggling fool who can have fun beyond life bs. Someone who has given in to the unfair, unhappiness of life and decided to live anyways...and live well. Laughter. Smiling. Playfulness. Joy. A love for being goofy. An ironic humor that just sort of covers up life's rough edges.
I didn't stop smiling or laughing at the baby. Baby's are hilarious. So is alot of stuff.
I think there will be no second date. He texted later to tell me he wanted to hold and kiss me. I....do not feel that. We didn't click. There was no spark.
Soooo....I got an amazing picture of my toddler with a very pleasant and convincing Santa. I got my first taste of dating in a goooooood long while. My baby was unaffected as thus it should be. My child is a hugger. He hugged my date like they were old pals several times. I did not feel this was harmful as my child hugs the guy at the counter in the drugstore too.
I don't know how to date well. I currently do not have a sitter for any date nights. I'm thinking I should. But at least I got my feet wet. I was reminded of what I do and don't want. ...and I realized I cannot give more than I'm willing to. I want to be a girlfriend...not a caregiver.
So ...that was my Sunday. Our Sunday rather. Oh btw he was all about faith in God. I did not tell him my beliefs as it was too far into the date to relate my beliefs. I knew at that point it wasn't happening. Nothing would come of that. It was pointless. So...finding a guy with like minded beliefs is important. Very important.